Monday, May 27, 2013

Remembering soldier children & their moms this Memorial Day

Memorial Day is here and as we remember those who have served - if that's you, or members of your family – but for those of you who had a child or children who served a very special thank you..  and I think this note, from another mom, written a few years ago for  Independence Day speaks volumes to our soldier children’s memories…

~ July 4, 2010 ~ Eileen Marie Hines: To All Our Soldiers and their families

I am very humbled and grateful to be able to speak out concerning so many of our children that have died for us and their country. I know many people who's names would never fit in a large book, through my life, that spoke of soldier's, men and women alike that were just your average next door neighbor that loved and believed we live in the best country in the world!

My husband and I have raised our children to respect, and honor those that are serving in any capacity for freedom and helping other folk less fortunate than our people are here in the United States.

There is something mentioned somewhere that when one human being suffers, we are all touched by their suffering. This applies as well to our fallen comrades. We are so very, very, proud of them and their families for having given the ultimate sacrifice. We also know that it was not in vain. What we don't understand now, will become clear to us later.

The Commander-in-Chief, (GOD) has them safely with HIM for the present. We will get to see them later. I'm sure the medals HE will be passing out are far more wonderful. I know several, personally that have passed on to HIM. I miss them, but they made a difference for a lot of folk. Thank you- You will never be forgotten, just like those that are serving our country now will not be forgotten.


Sincerely, Eileen Hines

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

One flaw in Women (worth repeating from May 2010)

I want to again thank Shaundra Cassidy in Parker, AZ who sent this when we first began the blog in the fall of 2009 and I posted it in May 2010 for the first time...  definitely worth repeating from time to time.. Cherie Houston

God doesn't give us the people we want; He gives us the people we NEED... to help us, to hurt us, to leave us, to love us and to make us into the person we were meant to be. 

ONE FLAW IN WOMEN  
Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream and sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in and stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, If There Is One Flaw In Women,

It Is That They Forget Their Worth

It’s Important To Remind Yourself How Special You Are To So Many

Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Mother’s Day Wish From Heaven


I want to thank Paula from Collinsville, Arkansas for sending us this poem to share this Mother’s day-she said it was sent to her by a college friend, after her little boy Jeremiah boy died in 2010.. She noted that author, Jody, is a mom 4, her beautiful girls in heaven and her beautiful boys on earth.  We wish all our moms a peace filled Mother’s Day…Cherie Houston

A Mother’s Day Wish From Heaven
~ by Jody Seilheimer ~

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

When Mother's Day Hurts


We all know how difficult these weeks and ays can be leading up to Mother's Day.  Special thanks to Jenna Gleason of Cumberland, RI for sharing this with us this Mother’s Day season – Jenna found the article for her sister Alex who lost her teenage child to a tragic auto accident a few years ago and is still struggling with her heartache..  None of us can take that pain away for another, all we can do is hold them physically and in our hearts until their strength returns..  and remember that the sun will shine again – dimly in the beginning, but it will shine again.. Cherie Houston

When Mother's Day Hurts
~ By Karla Helbert, MS, LPC, Grief, Loss & Bereavement Topic Expert Contributor

Mother’s Day is observed by many as a joyful day of celebration, a time when hardworking mothers can have a chance to put our feet up, relax, be treated to breakfasts in bed, special lunches or dinners, given special consideration. We might receive gifts lovingly chosen or perhaps handmade by our children and partners. The day may hold special times set aside for visiting with or talking to our mothers, perhaps making up for time we have been apart, busy with our lives. The idea of Mother’s Day in our culture is painted as brightly and sentimentally as any Hallmark commercial.
The truth is though, for many, Mother’s Day can be a painful and difficult day. Women whose children have died at any age, women experiencing infertility, women who have had miscarriages, men, women and children whose mothers have died—for these and others, Mother’s Day can be a day of sadness and loss. In grief, many days typically perceived as happy or joyful times are experienced by the grieving and bereaved as sad and isolating. Bereaved mothers are faced with the experience of seeing other mothers interact with their children, of watching seemingly happy, intact families go about the daily ordinary business of life. People whose mothers have died hear other people speak casually about day-to-day interactions with their mothers, or watch mothers and daughters shopping or lunching happily. We are faced with the barrage of Mother’s Day commercials created to tug at our heart strings (and of course, urge us to open our wallets); and in all those things, so much of the grief we experience is the grief for that which can never be our reality. Each person’s grief, and his or her response to the pain of grief is always highly individual, but no matter what, if you are mother whose child has died, or, if you are a child whose mother has died, Mother’s Day is a sad time.
For women whose children have died, it can almost go without saying that Mother’s Day is deeply painful, and because of that, it should never go without saying. If you know a mother whose child has died, at any age, please acknowledge her motherhood as well as her pain. The greatest gift for a bereaved mother on Mother’s Day can be the simple, but hugely powerful, recognition of her motherhood. Even though our children have died, we are still mothers–to all of our children. The simple act of recognition allows a bereaved mother the validation she so often seeks and sadly, so often finds missing. A hug and a “Happy Mother’s Day,” even if that seems improbable, could mean more than one could imagine. There are many things supportive friends and family members can do to help ease the pain of this difficult day for a grieving mother. Visit her child’s grave, leave a pretty stone, a seashell or other small trinket, and let her know. Talk about her child. Use her child’s name in conversation, no matter how brief. All bereaved parents long to hear other people speak their child’s name after he or she has died. Many non-bereaved people think (wrongly) that if they mention the child, this will somehow “open the wound,” or “remind” us of the loss. You can trust that we are already thinking about our children, that wound is ever-present. Our children are never, ever far from our hearts and minds. One of the greatest fears for a bereaved parent is that no one, except for us, will remember our children. If you have a special memory of her child, send a card with a story of that memory enclosed. It will be a cherished treasure. Even a card simply wishing her a happy and peaceful day is a gesture that is greatly appreciated.
When we are bereaved mothers who are also fortunate enough to have other children who are alive, we continue to miss and to mourn the ones who are not here for our arms to physically enfold. For these mothers, acknowledging their child who has died can be an incredibly meaningful gift. One child does not replace another. We celebrate in the joyful presence of our living children and deeply mourn the absence of the ones who are not here sharing our daily lives. Remembering that we are mothers to all our children is such a special act.
For women who have suffered early miscarriage, women experiencing infertility problems, or for birth mothers whose birth children have been placed in adoptive homes, Mother’s Day can bring a silent and isolating grief. Much of society does not recognize the loss that can be inherent in these women’s circumstances. Simply letting her know that you are thinking of her on this day can be welcome gesture. A phone call to check in and a simple, “I was thinking of you today and wondering if you were doing ok.” This can allow her to talk about her feelings if she chooses to do so.
For any person whose mother has died, Mother’s Day can be a painful and sad time. A tradition of the not so long ago past called for corsages to be worn on Mother’s Day. A red corsage meant that person’s mother was still alive. A white flower meant their mother had died. Those who wore white flowers were most likely given extra hugs or an extra squeeze of the hand. The openly worn symbol of the flower allowed others to feel freer to talk about the woman who had died, to feel invited to share remembrances or condolences. In our society where mourning is no longer a widespread or open practice (though I am working hard, along with likeminded friends and colleagues to change that), other community members may not always feel they can openly discuss “the departed.” If you know someone whose mother has died, or if you knew his or her mother, perhaps sending a white flower in memory of their mother may be a lovely gesture. You might also consider sending a card or letter, or making a phone call specifically to share memories of that person’s mother. Taking a moment to let her child know how much she meant to you, can be very comforting. If you know a young child whose mother has died, acknowledge that child’s pain and let that child know that you are a safe person to talk to. Again, sharing memories of the child’s mother can let that child know how much his or her mom meant to others.
For all of us, childless mothers and motherless children alike, planning a way to remember our deeply cherished loved ones is very important. Make a plan that will honor your mother’s life, your child’s life. Acknowledge their presence in your life, your heart and your mind. Honor your love for them, as well as the pain you feel due to their absence. Create new traditions for this day, such as lighting a candle or saying a prayer, or wearing a flower. You might wish to donate to a charity in your child’s or your mother’s name, plan a visit to the burial site, plant a tree, create a work of art or start a scrapbook. Read your mom’s favorite book, watch her favorite movies, listen to songs she loved. Name a star after your child, make his or her favorite food, plan a balloon release with notes to him or her written on the balloons. No matter what, you are always a mother. And no matter what, your mother is always your mother. We can remember them with love.
I vividly recall the first Mother’s Day after my son died. It was a very sad, painful day. The beauty of spring itself seemed to exist solely to mock my childless arms. On that day, my husband and I planted a tree in our backyard. I had originally planned to plant a tree for our son so that he could watch the tree grow as he grew. Instead, we planted the tree in his memory. The choosing of the tree, bringing it home, digging the hole, and the placement of the tree itself, were all acts that meant more than the simple planting of a tree. The act was elevated to ritual status and was very healing and comforting. I placed special stones around the tree, hung wind chimes and placed special ornaments in and around the tree. Caring for the tree has become a way of demonstrating our on-going love for him. Weeding, decorating the area, watering and fertilizing the tree have allowed for that loving memorial to continue. The tree is visible in our back yard from every window that looks out of the back of our house; kitchen, living room, bathroom, hallway, office. While nothing takes away the pain of missing my child, the ritual we created together to honor his memory made that first Mother’s Day more bearable, and is a constant reminder of our love for him. Seeing the tree bloom each spring and watching it grow a little taller and stronger with each passing year underscore the tree’s symbolic representation of our ever-present love for him and his presence in our family.
                If you anticipate that Mother’s Day will be difficult for you, whatever your personal circumstances, spend some time making a plan for honoring, remembering and memorializing. Think about doing something to care for yourself as well. Self-care gifts such as massage, manicure, pedicure, can all help to alleviate stress. Ask for what you need. Taking time to be alone, to journal, to take a walk, spend time in nature, or simply to rest can be very helpful. If you need support, ask for it. If you worry that no one will do anything for you on Mother’s Day, be pro-active and tell your loved ones what you would like to do to observe the day. Plan a lunch or dinner with supportive friends or family. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

May - the month for Mothers

May - the month when we honor Mothers...  In my opinion, once you are a mom, you are always a mom - for many of us who have lost children the question "how many children do you have" can be so painful...  I must admit that when I'm asked this question I still continue to answer that I have five "5" even though 3 of them are now angel children... they are still and will always be - my children...  

I hope you will enjoy the following article which has always made me smile about all the myth's voiced by others about Mom's - but those of us who are - know the real truth...May you find peace this month and always, but especially on Mother's Day... Cherie Houston 

MOTHERS (author unknown)

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby………Somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a Mother, normal is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a Mother by instinct……Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a Mother is boring…..Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said if you’re a “good” Mother, your child will “turn out good”…..Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said “good” Mothers never raise their voices….Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a Mother…..Somebody never helped a fourth grader with math.

Somebody said you can’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first…..Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a Mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books…..Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a Mother is labor and delivery…….Somebody never watched her “baby” get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten……or on a plane headed for military “boot camp.”

Somebody said a Mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back…..Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married…....Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a Mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a Mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home…..Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your Mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her……Somebody isn't a Mother.

Somebody said that time will heal your broken heart and you will get over it when your child dies… Somebody has never had a child die...

Peace and joy to all you moms...now and forever....