Saturday, February 23, 2013

Sorrow Is Not Forever ~ Love Is

Today, as many of our moms attend our annual Mom's Retreat at StageCoach Trails in Yucca, AZ I thought it was appropriate to reassure ourselves with the following article "Sorrow is not forever ~ Love Is" which I have found is very true...Although the heartache of losing our children will be with us always, the pain softens, so that going forward, as they would want us to do, gets easier with time... And by the same token, I think our love for them as well as everyone else whom we love grows in leaps and bounds as we get stronger.. it changes us forever .. and proves the theory that true love never dies...Cherie Houston

~ Michael A. Simpson, Birmingham, AL - Bereaved Parents, St. Louis March/April 2006 Newsletter

So often, one attempts to face the whole future at once.  But we will not live that period all at once, only day by day.  Don’t try to face twenty years.  Face today.

When that has been achieved, face tomorrow.  You will find more and more ways in which you can cope.  The Chinese have a saying that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.  There is no way you can take the fifteenth, or the two hundred-seventh step, before you have taken the first.

It can be difficult to face going out again and resuming your regular activities.  IT can take more courage to face the little things than the big things in life.  Going out shopping for groceries for the first time can become an ordeal.  Making the change more complete could help.  Try a different store, a different day or time, and go with a friend.  When it seems very hard to decide what to do first, maybe it’s not very important where you start, as long as you start.  Choose a simple task and get started. 

Once you’ve begun, it will be far easier to set your priorities, and you will have gained in confidence for already having achieved something.


Monday, February 18, 2013

MAY YOU ALWAYS FEEL LOVED

~ Author Unknown (but much appreciated)

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile be yours every day of your life.

May you give the gift of a kind word, a touch,  or a warm smile as well as receive them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but instead, learning to dance in the rain.

Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become a part of you, so that you may call upon them.

Remember those whose lives you have touched will always be a part of you.

Don’t forget to be grateful for those lives who have touched yours.

May you not become too concerned with material matters but instead place greatest value on the goodness inside your heart.

Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way.

What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another.

What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.

May you always feel loved.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Today is Valentines Day-A Dozen Roses


Today is Valentine's Day, and whether or not you celebrated the holiday before, it is ever so painful to not have our children around to say those words to.  Here is a poem that Anne at the Tony Brown Foundation wrote to help celebrate the love we all share for our children.
~ Anne at the Tony Brown Foundation (2011)

A DOZEN ROSES

If I had a dozen roses,
I know just what I’d do
I’d give each one a name
 that reminded me of you

The first rose I’d call sunshine
because you brighten everyday
The second would be beauty
the kind that never goes away

The third rose would be priceless
like those hugs you gave to me
I’d name the fourth rose silly
oh how funny you could be

Rose five of course is patience
something you have helped me find
The sixth rose would be memories
the gift you left behind

The seventh and the eighth rose
would for sure be faith and grace
Nine would be unique because
no one can take your place

The tenth rose well that’s easy
I’d simply name it love
Eleven would be angel
I know you’re watching from above

I’d think about that twelfth rose
and I’d really take my time
After all these roses
are for you my Valentine

I’m sending them to heaven
in every color that I know
So twelve I’ll name forever
that’s how long I’ll love you so

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Valentines Day Can Be A Very Painful Holiday


Thanks to Susan Triton, Shepherdstown, Indiana for sharing this article with us for our blog... she received it a few weeks ago from a family member who knew that she was still having a terrible time  coping with the sudden tragic death of her 9 year old son Colin, last summer 2012...Each and every holiday for her seems to be worse than the last.  Susan also said that this and other similar articles and blogs like ours help to remind her that her pain and grief are normal and that it's OK to feel as she does.  Furthermore, they ease her fear that she will remain in this valley of death forever..  I've assured her she won't-none of us stay in that valley forever and in time, she will find peace and she will smile again as she remembers Colin, but it takes time - lots of time... Keep her in your prayers... Cherie Houston



Valentine's Day Can Be A Very Painful Holiday.....

Most of us who are grieving brace ourselves for the traditional Holiday Season, which begins at Halloween, continues through Thanksgiving, crests with Christmas and Hanukkah, and ends with New Year’s Eve. While the Season can be wonderful for many, it can be a very difficult time for those who are grieving the recent death of someone important to them, such as a child, spouse or parent.

You might erroneously think that once the new year has passed, grievers will have some relief from the constant reminders that someone they love is no longer alive. But by early January, the marketing machine revs up for the next cycle of cards and gifts—to usher in Valentine’s Day.

Every flower shop, card store, jewelry store, candy store, drug store, and supermarket decorates its shelves and aisles with the traditional pink and red hearts and clever Cupid images to compel us to celebrate our romantic love with our significant others and the magic of love with our children..

For anyone who has lost a loved one - a spouse, child, parent or anyone close to us, this can be one of the most painful of all holidays. The romantic arrows from Cupid’s bow, now become painful darts that hit us in our emotional center - reminding of us of lost loves... 

After all, most of us begin the Valentine traditions in pre-school, when we begin making Valentine’s cards for friends and family. As we get older, we shift our focus from family and friends to romantic attachments. By the time we are courting, dating, creating long-term relationships and bringing children into this world, Valentine’s Day becomes the day we use to declare or reaffirm our bonds of love.

As our relationships blossom and grow, the annual celebration of Valentine’s day—along with anniversary date—becomes the most personal and special loving tradition. And as with the cards, flowers and candies, the image of the heart is always used to symbolize that love.
When someone we love dies, our emotional heart is broken. The heart—the very symbol of the Valentine’s Day celebration—is the aspect of our being that is most damaged by the death of a child or spouse.

Compounding the heartache is the fact that there is very little societal awareness of the pain being experienced by those who are dealing with the death of a child or spouse that first Valentine’s Day after their child or spouse has died. Even surrounded by family and friends, they may feel isolated, alone, and as if no one understands. And those feelings can extend long past the first few years.

"Grief is the feeling of reaching out for someone whom you thought would always be there, sharing the future with you, only to discover when you least expect it, they are no longer there.”  

Grief is the normal and natural immediate reaction when someone we love dies, especially a child or spouse. The range of emotions that encompass grief is very wide, and is not limited to sadness. The feelings are a reflection of the many different aspects of the relationship and even the circumstances of their deaths.

That range of feelings is also the normal and natural reaction when you are reminded that someone who has been such a big part of your life is gone, even if the reminder is months or years after they have died.  Some special days and some events are powerful reminders of the fact that someone very important is missing from our life. Valentine’s Day, like birthdays and anniversaries, is one of those very special days, which can create an immense amount of painful emotional energy.

Unfortunately, when a grieving parent or spouse talks about their sadness and other feelings, they are often met with comments like, “Don’t feel sad, you should feel grateful for the time you had.” It is probably accurate to say that one of the feelings a grieving parent or spouse might have is gratitude. But gratitude is unlikely to be the most dominant feeling at holiday events. Sadness, loneliness, and confusion are more likely to be the emotions that well up in a grieving person on special occasion holidays, especially the first of each of those events following the death.

Grieving parents and spouses also hear the incorrect idea that we all learn from an early age, that “Time heals all wounds,” or “Grief just takes time.” Believing that to be true, the griever waits to feel better. But time is neutral. Time, of itself, does not do anything except pass and many parents and widows/widowers who are grieving say that over time their pain seems to get worse.

It is accurate to say that grieving people are not broken, and do not need to be fixed. To a great extent, what they need is for someone to listen to them, without judgment, analysis, or criticism.   It is also realistic to say that grieving people are left with some unfinished emotional business.

Even when the best of relationships is ended by death, those left behind discover things they wish had been different, better, or more; and are painfully aware of unrealized hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future.

It has been said that Grief and loss are the price to be paid for loving someone..and the more we love the stronger that sense of grief and loss..   

Friday, February 8, 2013

Valentines Day-The Holiday of Love

I don't know who wrote this or how I received it, but I thought it was appropriate with Valentines Day just around the corner.. Cherie Houston

Valentine’s day, a day of remembering our loved ones with small gifts and great feelings.

When your child was living, did you often remember him or her on Valentine’s Day with a card or a balloon, perhaps a gift of candy or something special that was wanted?  So, why stop that tradition?

Remember your child with love on this special day.  A single rose left at a grave; a special photo in a nice frame to sit on the mantle.  These are ideas from  an article in an old magazine.  It seems like a pretty good idea too!  What a better way to celebrate the Holiday of Love, than by enjoying fond memories of your child or children.

For some of us, remembering our child is something we need to do privately - without fanfare.. 
 
For others, it's helpful to outwardly remember our child with family and friends on days such as these...  You might find it helpful to make your child's favorite dinner for the rest of the family, or to have special photos scattered around the table to share memories about your child who is gone...  
 
For some of us it is very important, that when we show those of our living family how much they are loved, that we feel the need to also show how much we remember those who are no longer with us...  

Remember-there is never a right or wrong way to grieve and celebrate our children's lives, we each need to do what works for us..and for our families.  Just because our hearts are broken, we don’t need to ignore the “Holiday of Love” or any holiday for that matter..

We wish you love and peace during this month of love...and always 

Monday, February 4, 2013

It is Time for Love


By Rosalie Baker, Rochester, NY

February has fewer days than most months, and that may be of a special significance to us, as our children had fewer days than most.  When we think of this month, the most outstanding day perhaps is Valentine’s Day.  It is a time for love.  When we were school-aged, we had a special chance to give and receive cards in those decorated boxes in our primary classrooms.  Perhaps it is the one holiday that children can really do something for everyone.  

Addressing a card to each and every classmate made you think of how you felt about each one and wonder about how they felt about you.

Love is found in every day of every year, but February and Valentine’s Day are very special.  I wish I could remember just how it felt to get a “nicer” Valentine from someone I had sent a “nicer” one to.  It is so long ago, and there have been so many much more significant happenings in my life.  But sometimes, I’d like to remember just how it felt.

I am sending along this Valentine’s Love Note to you right now and hope that you know it is one of the “nicer” ones, because you are very special to me.  Somehow I don’t wonder how you feel, somehow I know.  As we grieve the loss of our children and one another’s we begin to find a different kind of love than we ever expected to experience.                        

Friday, February 1, 2013

As I sit in heaven


AS I SIT IN HEAVEN
(Author Unknown)

As I sit in heaven
And watch you everyday
I try to let you know with signs
I never went away

I hear you when you're laughing
And watch you as you sleep
I even place my arms around you
To calm you as you weep

I see you wish the days away
Begging to have me home
So I try to send you signs
So that you know you aren't alone

Don't feel guilt that you have
Life that was denied to me
Heaven is truly beautiful
Just you wait and see

So live your life, laugh again
Enjoy yourself - be free
Then I know with every breath you take
You'll be taking one for me

I love you and always will.....