Angel Moms

~ Written by “Shane’s Mom” Judi Walker

Judi began a group called “Angel Mom’s” after the death of her son Shane
Dedicated to all moms who have lost a child

ANGEL MOMS 

We have shared our tears and our sorrow,
We have given encouragement to each other,
Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,
We share the title of grieving mother.

Some of us lost older daughters or sons,
Who we watched grow over the years,
Some have lost their babies before their lives begun,
But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.

We understand each others pain,
The bond we share is very strong,
With each other there is no need to explain,
The path we walk is hard and long.

Our children brought us together,
They didn't want us on this journey alone,
They knew we needed each other,
To survive the pain of them being gone.

So take my hand my friend,
We may stumble and fall along the way,
But we'll get up and try again,
Because together we can make it day by day.

We can give each other hope,
We'll create a place where we belong,
Together we will find ways to cope,
Because we are Angel Moms and together we are strong!

~ Written by “Shane’s Mom” Judi Walker

Judi began a group called “Angel Mom’s” after the death of her son Shane
Dedicated to all moms who have lost a child

FINDING INNER STRENGTH AND PEACE

I believe I’ve shared this article before.. and I hope you find it helpful.  About 6 months after my son Bobby died, a close friend shared this article with me – with a simple note that read “I pray that you will allow God to help you find peace and joy in Bobby’s memory”. 

When she sent me the note, I still couldn’t bring myself to even think about God or spirituality in anyway.  Quite honestly my fear was that if I did think about God, my anger would take me to a place I might never be able to return from…  after all, Bobby was my third child that I had buried.  No parent should ever have to bury one child, never mind three…But yet I had – and I was angry!!!

I knew from past experience with my daughters who had died very young, that I would physically survive this nightmare (even though I didn’t want to) and that in time I would find an inner peace and my spirituality, but this article allowed me to remind myself of that fact.

I admit that I still find it very difficult going into any church, catholic or otherwise…Even for joyous celebrations such as christenings, first communions and weddings.. The moment I enter any church I find myself reflecting on Bobby’s mass, the loss of my three children and I feel as though I’m suffocating and find it hard to catch my breath or stop the tears…

But outside of those building, my own sense of peace, inner strength and spirituality has returned as I knew it would…  I’m not angry with God or anyone, I’m simply grateful for the time I had with my three children, no matter how brief, and for all that they left behind in the lives they touched…  This doesn’t come overnight – Bobby will be gone 4 years on September 19^th and I still have days that shake me to the core..  but in time the pain softens and the peace returns… I hope that all parents who make this unfathomable journey can find their own inner strength and peace and smile for what they had, no matter how brief…Cherie Houston

Can Time Heal? Finding Inner Strength and Peace

~ By Cheril Goodrich

There is a belief that time heals all wounds. The premise of this belief is that the further you get away from an event in time the less the pain is felt that is associated with the event. From a Spiritual standpoint, is this true?

First of all to examine this concept, we must first address the idea of time. For something to be healing at a true Spiritual level it must involve a healing idea or, in other words, it must promote healing by offering an idea that can heal. Does time offer this? Is it possible for a non-feeling, non-caring idea, such as time, to give soothing to the soul when something happens that seems so catastrophic we do not have any idea how we can move beyond our pain? If all we have to look forward to is relief from a non-feeling source such as time, this calls into question our relationship to our Creator because, from this premise, time offers us a better way of healing. Perhaps this is not true at all. Perhaps we do not understand the provisions that God has provided for us when we are in such pain and so we rely on what we know. By relying on what we know we are apt to just make it through anyway we can. This does not necessarily heal the pain and some people go on for years not understanding how to move on.

Sometimes we have to find a miracle to move on. This involves finding a strength that does not come from us. If it came from us we would know how to handle the misery. Instead it involves finding a place in our own mind where time does not rule. Finding this place means finding a place of peace that exists within all of us. We all have access to this state because we were created with this fail-safe sanctuary, but we have forgotten how to access it and use it. This state of mind is our solution, but until we remember that it is there, and appreciate it, we will turn to what we know.

We are living in perilous times. We are not being asked to heal the world, just ourselves of the internal pain and conflict that seems to be endless. How can peace come to the world if we cannot even find peace within our own mind? If we are not responsible for ourselves, then who is? If I blame another or blame circumstances that seem to be beyond my control, then I am a victim, and someone else controls my life. This is not the role God would have us play.

Look for the solution in any circumstance that seems to be beyond your control. For every problem there is a solution. By concentrating only on the problem, the solution is removed from you by your own desire. By looking for and reaching for the solution, your mind will remember how to access the part of the mind where God abides. No one can do this for us, it is an individual choice that remains open to us, but is not evident unless we search for it.

There is another way. The answer does not lie in time or in another idea that has been born in time. It is in our own mind. By learning to access and using another level of mind, we can heal not only ourselves, but also the world because accessing this part of our mind joins us with something Greater than ourselves. Learn to be a part of the healing force that will move the world beyond any perceived conflict. It all begins by learning to become master of your own mind.

TEARS, TALK, TIME, AND TOMORROWS

Lovingly written By Debbie Landsman

TEARS, TALK, TIME, AND TOMORROWS

I never thought I could go on living when you died, but…….I did.

I never thought I would survive after burying you, but……I did.

I never thought I’d get through those first days, weeks, months, but…….I did.

I never thought I’d be able to endure the first anniversary of your death, but….I did.

I never thought I’d let myself love my new grandchild, but…..I have.

I never thought tomorrow would be different, but…….it was.

I never thought I’d stop crying for a day, but…….I have.

I never thought the pain would ‘soften’, but…… it has.

I never thought I’d care if the sun shone again, but……I do.

I never thought I’d ever entertain again, but….I have.

I never thought I’d be able to control my grief, but…..I can.

I never thought I could function without medication again, but…..I can.

I never thought I could function without medication again, but…..I can.

I never thought I’d smile again, but…..I do.

I never thought I’d laugh out loud again, but…..I do.

I never thought I’d look forward to tomorrow, but…..I do.

I never thought I’d reconcile your death, but…..I have.

I never thought I’d be able to create that ‘new normal’, but I have.

I never thought I’d be able to go on living after you died, but…..I do…….

Always missing you, always loving you, and thinking of you daily with a smile on my face….

And tears on my heart.

Summertime

~ by Sascha Wagner, TCF, Siskiyou County, CA

It sounds so easy. A soft, warm word—-time to run barefoot, time to leave windows open all night.  Summertime. Somehow it seems, doesn't it, that it's especially meant for children. Children on beaches, children on swings, children in large pools, children in tiny tubs.

We who do not have all of our children with us may feel the summertime in two ways. 

One is to

remember shared events and adventures-there were so many. Long rides in a hot car, a nap in

the back seat. The famous question, "Are we there yet?" Everything from a heat rash to ice cream cones and sand castles.  

For us, another way to feel summertime is the special emptiness brought about by children who are no longer on this earth. They used to trot along on hikes in the hills; they used to gather wood for an evening fire. Now summer brings us again the melancholy awareness of their absence.

Have you ever walked on some unfamiliar path, surprised about not having been there with the

children? Even when there's nothing to remember, we are reminded of the children's absence.

We have been diminished by death. Some of us may still have living children. Other parents have no children left. They have lost an only child, perhaps. Or all of their children died. And here we are, grateful for the warmth of summer mornings, aware of the ripe beauty of nature, trying to deal with our children's absence with all the grace of which we are capable. Often we do not want to burden others with our grief. Or we may be convinced that others don't wish to share our distress.

We have learned, after all, that the world around us is not always able to understand how we feel. Besides, we were taught to be brave. Many of us will do everything we can to appear "normal" after our loss. But we were also taught to be honest. And when you feel the hurt, when you seem almost to be lost in the shadows of this golden summertime, don't hide your sorrow. The grief of your spirit can perhaps be kept a secret on the outside. Yet, your deepest feelings, unexpressed, can burn into your existence with harmful force.

You can be both brave and honest. You know that it's brave to share grief, be it old grief or new grief. And revealing that sorrow is also honest. Of course, nothing can wipe away much of your pain, but sharing grief is helpful. You will know that after you have expressed the painful sorrow you once kept hidden, and you find yourself, finally, smiling at the memories and the blessings of past summertimes.