The Journey From Mourning to Joy: Just for Today (Section 6 of 6)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Just for Today (Section 6 of 6)

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,

for deep in my heart I know

if there was anything in this world I could have done

to save my child from death,

I would have done it.

This poem was written for bereaved parents by Vicki Tushingham. In August 2010, Kelly Farley, Founder of “The Dads Project” and a wonderful blog for grieving dads, shared this same series with his readers… I agree with Kelly and would encourage you to share this with others… I would also encourage you to visit Kelly’s blog for dads (and moms also). If you know of a grieving dad, refer them to the blog, it truly is a wonderful resource for dads, who often get lost in this journey from mourning for their children …

Kelly’s Blog: http://www.grievingdads.wordpress.com/

Kelly mentioned when he posted this series "I have spoken to 100′s of grieving dads and the one thing we all have in common is guilt. We find so many ways to blame ourselves for what happened to our children. We go back and rethink things over and over. ”If I would have done this different” or “I should have been there for them”. There are so many ways we find to blame ourselves. However, like this section of poem says, “deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.” If only for today you can find away to forgive whatever it is your thinking about, please try to do it. I believe guilt is a great destroyer" ~ Kelly Farley,

You can Email Kelly at: Kelly@GrievingDads.com

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SPECIAL NOTICES...

Join us at "Open Arms for Empty Hearts". Our goal is to take up the gauntlet begun by Joyce Floyd, founder of Journey from Mourning, now that she is moving on to other endeavors and continue with the idea of Mom's helping Mom's.

We meet the 2nd & 4th Thursday mornings each month at the Lake Havasu City Aquatic Center from 10am-12N.

Our meetings are open to all Mom's, new and old that wish to participate in celebrating their child's life and memories. As you all know, the loss of a child is probably the most painful loss one can suffer. Only those who have experienced that loss can offer their support and comfort to others. Our meetings are an open forum, members taking turns hosting the meetings, bringing their own experiences and knowledge to others.

We are also pleased to introduce the Facebook page for "Open Arms for Empty Hearts" and would encourage all moms to go to the site and feel free to post any comments, suggestions or ideas - again our Facebook page is another work in progress...

We are all looking forward to seeing all of you again and welcoming new members. Registration forms are available at all meetings so we have up-to-date contact information. We hope you will pass the word, and reach out to moms who have lost children... If you have any questions or suggestions you can also contact us at "openarmsforemptyhearts@gmail.com"

Charlyne, Debbie, Janet & Sharon

For the Newly Bereaved

In the early minutes, days, weeks, months and even years of grief, we find ourselves in an all consuming grief and pain beyond description. We find it difficult to carry on our everyday lives or to think of little except our children's death. Even our once wonderfully happy memories, shared with our children while they lived, now bring us pain for a time.

Bereaved parents do not "get over" the death of our children nor "snap out of it" as the outside world seems to think we can and should. The death of our children is not an illness or a disease from which we recover. It is a life altering change with which we must learn to live.

With the death of our children we are forced to do the "impossible"; build a new life and discover a "new normal" for ourselves and our families in a world that no longer includes our beloved children. It is important for newly bereaved parents to know that they will experience a wide and often frightening variety of intense feelings after the death of our children.

It is also important for newly bereaved parents to understand and know that all of the feelings you experience are very natural and normal under the circumstances. Equally important for you to know and believe is that as much as you cannot possibly believe it, you will not always feel this powerful and all consuming grief.

But right now you must follow the instincts of your soul and allow your bodies and hearts to grieve. The grief resulting from your child's death cannot be skirted over, around or under. You must go through it in order to come out on the other side.

Be gentle and patient with yourself and your family. Allow yourself to cry, to grieve, and to retell your children's story as often as needed and for as long as you need to.

Eventually, you will smile and find joy again. You will never forget your child; he or she will be with you in your heart and memories for as long as you live.

Special Requests for Prayers:

Sometimes, each of us needs special prayers to help us get through life's challenges and we may not know where to begin or how to ask for help. Together, as sisters in grief, our united prayers can have tremendous power - won't you join with us to pray for:

May 29th, 2013:

Janet Langeberg - underwent open heart surgery (4 bypasses) yesterday morning and her sister Rosie is keeping Joyce updated - Janet's surgery was a success and she is doing well (but still in ICU) We hope you will join us in keeping her in your thoughts and prayers..and we'll keep you updated on her progress..

For those of you who don't know (and don't say I told you) Janet is the secret angel who remembers us and our children on all the special days... so i'm hoping we can all repay her kindness with a few greetings as she recuperates...our. Please continue to pray for her, and we'll keep you updated with her progress.

(Janets address: 3717 Tahitian Dr., LHC, AZ 86406)

Who & What We Are All About

Our mission, since October 2001, is to offer comfort, hope and encouragement to mothers who have suffered the death of a child. There are no requirements as to the age of the mother, age of the child, or the cause of death.

If you have any questions or suggestions you can also contact us at "openarmsforemptyhearts@gmail.com"

We may not be able to make your pain go away, but as Moms, we can help you with a safe place to work through the grief process.

Note from Our Founder, Joyce Floyd: I am a bereaved mother who lost my youngest daughter Peggy in August of 1984, from injuries following an automobile accident; Peggy was only 24. I spent the first years asking God "Why Me?" "Why my Child?" When I came to a place of peace, I realized there was a need in my community for me to "be there" for others on the same journey. After completing the Hospice training program, the Interagency program and the Umbrella Ministries Grief Share training session, I began the support group: The Journey from Mourning to Joy, a non-denominational group.

In February 2014, when our Founder "retired", our name was changed to "Open Arms for Empty Hearts" continuing the focus of mom's helping other grieving moms in our community.

Note from Cherie Houston ~ Creator (& maintainer) of this Blog

I created and continue to maintain this blog since November 1st 2009, in memory of my son Robert "Bobby" Wood who died unexpectedly, taking his own life, on Saturday evening, September 19, 2009. Bobby was only 36 yrs. young, leaving his wife of 11 years and 2 young boys, 5 & 6 ~ his 2 brothers and 2 step-brothers, a large immediate and extended family and countless friends who loved him dearly.

Sadly I also lost 2 little girls, Randee Marie in 3/1971 and Robin in 7/1972, so this blog is and will continue to be a tribute to my three beloved children who are no longer with us physically and to all of your children ~ all of whom have gone much too soon.

I decided to create and maintain this blog after attending a few of "The Journey from Mourning to Joy" support meetings hosted by Joyce Floyd in Lake Havasu, AZ ~ our home 7+ months of the year. This blog is my way of thanking each and every member of that group, for their continued kindness, comfort and support which continue to help me on my journey, since my son Bobby's death.

I hope the information found here might help any mom whose child has died, in some small way ~ no matter the childs age or cause of their death, for all moms, and those who care about those moms, we hope this Blog helps bring peace on this journey....

Know that you are not alone, and as the group so sweetly said to me when I arrived that first morning,

"We are sad you are here, but grateful you found your way to us"

Helpful Books to Deal with Loss of a Child at Any Age

- "A Grace Disquised" by Jerry Sittser
- "A Time To Grieve" (Series) by Kenneth C. Haugk
- "Appearing Competent When Your World Is Falling Apart" by Dr. Donna Peterson
- "Chasing Death-Losing a Child to Suicide" by Jan Anderson
- "Dreaming Kevin: The Path to Healilng" by Carla Blowey
- "Hello from Heaven: A New Field of Research-After-Death Communication Confirms That Life and Love Are Eternal" by Bill Guggenheim
- "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One" by Brook Noel
- "I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Cope and Heal" by Linda Feinberg
- "My Son...My Son: A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss, or Suicide" by Iris Bolton
- "Those They Left Behind: Interviews, Stories, Essays and Poems by Survivors of Suicide" by Karen Mueller Bryson

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Just for Today (Section 6 of 6)

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