When you have lost someone very dear
to you, the most difficult obstacle to cross is getting through the holidays.
Surviving the days where everyone around you is celebrating and spreading good
cheer, while your mind is filled with memories and your heart is heavy with
loneliness. It’s difficult just making it through what used to be the happiest
days that were once shared with our child or loved one, and today carries only
emptiness. The greatest challenge is to remain in the company of others who
love you, when you really want to be alone with your sadness.
It makes no difference whether the
loss took place last week, several months ago, or even last year. The holidays
always send those deep emotions flooding right to the surface.
Just as how you deal with grief is
personal and individual, so is the way you handle the holidays. Remember to be
true to yourself, and don’t take on too much responsibility. Let people know
that your plans may be subject to change, and you can’t make long term
commitments just yet. Be honest with yourself and with your friends and family
about how you’re feeling.
Some people find it best to start
new traditions, because the past ones hold memories too difficult to deal with.
Talk with your family about setting expectations. Plan together any
modifications you will all make to the “normal” holiday festivities. You may
want to have a church service dedicated to the memory of your loved one. Or
make an annual donation in his/her name. Perhaps join the Hospice Tree Lighting
ceremony. Bring joy to another child by purchasing a special toy for the Angel
Tree in memory of your child.
Be honest about how you’re feeling,
but when ever possible, try to include a positive twist into your thoughts.
Instead of : “I miss my ….. so much, there is no Christmas without him/her.” TRY “I do miss my ……. Christmas will be
different this year, but I will try to enjoy it.” Instead of: “I HATE this time of year. I
can’t wait until it’s over.” TRY “This
is a difficult time of year for me. But it does give me an opportunity to
become closer to my family and friends.”
Some people heal best by helping
others. Try volunteering at an organization who help people with a greater need
than yours. i.e. A soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, orphanages, etc. Often the
best therapy is helping others. Aside from the obvious benefits of keeping your
mind occupied and seeing that there are others in worse situations than
yourself, charity work gives you a tremendous feeling of fulfillment. It can
give you a renewed sense of purpose, so important during times of sadness.
Above all else, give yourself
permission to enjoy yourself, to laugh, and to find peace. Each of these things
are part of healing. Your life will never be the same, but it will go on, and
it can still be good. Close your eyes for just a moment ~ bring into the room
with you the clearest image of the person that you have lost. Now say “I love
you and I miss you. You will always be in my heart. I need to know... is it okay
for me to be happy again?”
Now, imagine the answer that you
receive. If you remember your loved one in their true light, I’m confident the
answer will be YES. Find peace over the
holidays, and be good to you.
~ About the Author: Brigitte
Synesael is recognized as an authority on Alternative Medicine Information. A
published author, one of her latest releases is "You've Got Nothing To Lose But
POUNDS!"
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