Forgive me, My Daughter......

FORGIVE ME, MY DAUGHTER

(Especially for Grandparents)

 ~ SIDS Survival Guide

I want you to be the little girl, who tore her many-layered petticoats on the parallel bars or in school and once even  chipped a tooth.

I want you, too, to be the child with bloody knees who had matching holes in her new leotards.

Or maybe the one who fell from a swing and needed a half dozen stitches beneath her eye.

Oh, I could hold you then there was magic in my kisses that stemmed the pain and a doctor nearby for more tangible aid.

But what do I do now, now that you are a woman and your sorrows are commensurate with your age?

I stand immobile as your wan face leans over the broken turf where your infant son, your only child, will soon be interred.

I clench my fists, knowing there is no solace any longer in my arms for agony of this magnitude.

You are deaf, too, to my murmurings; you hear only the echoes of his laughter and his cries.

Of course, I am here when you need me.  But I can only pretend I am a strong and wise grandmother, when in truth, forgive me, my daughter, I remain a mother, heart-broken twice.