A support group for mothers experiencing the loss of a child. The death of our children at any age, from any circumstance is indeed one of the cruelest blows life has to offer. The journey through grief is long, dark, difficult and painful. But know that you will smile and find joy again; you will never forget your child, he or she will be in your heart and memories for as long as you live.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I Wouldn't Trade the Pain.....for the Dance
matter how strong typical pain is, it is usually something can we can’t truly
recall... Oh we certainly can remember that the pain was uncomfortable and that
we hurt and that we may not want to feel it again, such as the intense pain or
a broken bone, or very bad back, or having a heart attack or debilitating migraine, or
even the pain often experienced by childbirth, which many of us knows totally
disappears when our new infant looks at us.. No we may remember that the pain
was uncomfortable, but the memory doesn't put us back in that place,
we simply remember that it hurt!.
have found, however that the pain of grief is very different. For those of us
who have lost a child or children, the tragedy of another’s child death –
whether a child we know or not, can bring us to our knees and truly put us back
into that sense of loss and overwhelming helplessness of those first few days
weeks and months. I’m sure it’s a deep empathy for the other parents,
knowing that the pain of grief of losing a child is a pain that no one should
ever have to experience....
But I've also
found that when I learn of a death of someone I know (or tragedies such as
Columbine, the movie theater in Colorado, Sandy Hook last December
–the never ending list sadly, or for people who've shared parts of
our lives ~ such as yesterday when we learned of the passing of a dear old
friend, Bill, who shared all the typical things like boy scouting, sports and
chaperoning other school events when together we were raising our young
families; or that of a young 74 year old student Ellen, who died unexpectedly
last week. I had been blessed to have shared my knowledge with Ellen and
her sister for almost a dozen years.. the sadness and tears came quickly when I
learned of both Ellen and Bill's death, but what has been more overwhelming is
the pain of grief, my sense of pain and helplessness for what their families
are and will go thru; knowing that there is nothing that can be said or done
for them that will ease their heartache...that is a pain that does come back
and feels as strong as I remember it when I first began my own Journey from
learned that the Journey of Grief is something we must all go thru on our own
terms and in our own way-no one can do it for us. Help from those around
us with mundane but necessary chores, such as shopping and meals, daily errands,
answering the phone, house and yard work are certainly appreciated and
helped (although most of us can rarely remember who did what for us during
those first several months-it’s all a blur)..
all experience the pain, and with time the pain soften – but that grief pain,
like no other, can grab you again at any time when you least expect it and take
your breath away... but despite that pain and heartache, the tears and
sense of loss that seems to never end, I wouldn't train a moment of
that pain for the time with my three children, no matter how short - and I'm
glad that Bill and Ellen shared parts of my life with me along the way... I
wouldn't trade those memories for anything.. True if I'd not had my
children, if I hadn't met Bill or Ellen or listened to the news about Columbine
or Sandy Hook, then I wouldn't feel the pain, but then again I wouldn't trade
any of it - I'm grateful for the time I had, and that their families
had with them, and that we all "enjoyed the dance".. Garth
Brooks says it perfectly... in his song “The Dance”...
back on the memory,
the dance we shared, beneath the stars above.
For a moment all the world was right,
was I to know that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end,
way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance,