Saturday, February 8, 2014

Struggling in the Valley

I remember very well the day that our founder, Joyce Floyd, gave this to me early in 2010 ..  I was really struggling with my son Bobby's death a few months before and truly wondering if I'd make it through this "process:"...  up one day for a few hours and then CRASH with a pain that was all consuming!!!! I'd traveled this road before in the early 70's when in 71 our daughter Randee Marie had died and then again the following year when our daughter Robin passed away.. But this time was worse, or so it seemed...  Grief is a mess and I'd forgottenhow long the roller coaster would last... but eventually the horrible pain does soften and peaceand joy will return to your life...I promise...  Cherie Houston

Frankly, grief is a MESS!  It’s like a never ending horrible nightmarish roller coaster ride, filled with horrifying twists and turns, steep drops and sheer cliffs.  It hurts so much that it leaves us gasping for breath and wishing for the comfort of a coma.  We wish we had died, but suffer the realization that we didn’t.  And that’s the trouble!  We didn’t die…we’re stuck in this living nightmare and we can’t see any escape route.  IT is a journey we never asked for and don’t want to explore.  Yet, we struggle in the VALLEY, hoping and praying for relief, only to discover that even our prayers seem to go unanswered.  It is a lonely and desperate time.

It seems endless and we grow weary of the storms and winds of grief.  Yet, the OTHER SIDE OF GRIEF sounds just as scary.  So many people have told us what we SHOULD and OUGHT to do in order to achieve recovery that it all seems to blur into emptiness.  They talk about ‘closure’ and we don’t even know what that means!  Does that mean you have to forever ‘close’ the story of your loved one’s life?  Or does it mean you should never again grieve?  Or maybe, it means you should not talk about your loved one anymore.  What does ‘closure’ mean and what does recovery mean?

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS although many think they do.  It is easy to grow tired of breathing and of coping creatively with the thousands of footsteps that have to be taken.

You have discovered that Death is an injury…..a severe and devastating psychological wound that causes great pain and trauma in the early weeks and months and years.  Yet, eventually, and over a great period of time, that injury does heal and you must then learn to live with the scar that is left.

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