Saturday, June 2, 2012

Fathers Day can be difficult for grieving dads & grand dads

~ by Cherie Houston

I received an update a few days ago from "Kelly Farley" about his new book coming out this month "Grieving Dads:  To the Brink and Back"  ..  Kelly is a wonderful dad, a dad who has lost both of his children (Noah in 2006 and Katie in 2004) and since that time has committed himself to helping other dads on their grief journey...  As I read Kelly's update and then the post on his blog, I was reminded that with the arrival of June, comes the impending Fathers Day Holiday.  Fathers Day, for many dads like Kelly, can be a major grief trigger and just as overwhelming as Mothers Day is for all of us moms who have had a child or children die...

No matter what, each and every parent must know and remember that once we are moms and dads, we are always moms & dads...even when our children are in heaven!!

As moms, we certainly know all about the feelings that come with our child’s death – but it shouldn’t be any surprise then that dads are feeling those same feelings but many dads truly feel responsible for not having kept their child safe and they assume so much more responsibility and blame. Our society has put an undue burden on dads, making them feel as though they are responsible for protecting their family – for protecting them and keeping them safe.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always possible.

So many times, dads get so angry with themselves after the death of their child or children and that anger often turns inward creating crippling burdens of depression. To make matters worse so many dads have to “rush” right back to work – after all the bills don’t stop coming in, the mortgage and utilities still need to be paid …  often for many dads they dive back into their work “head first” because it is something they feel they can control, whereas they weren’t able to control and avoid the death of their child… So many of us are so blinded by our own grief, that it can be easy to miss the grief that our children’s fathers and siblings are also experiencing…It’s not intentional, but it’s important that we remind them that blaming or punishing themselves only adds more pain for everyone and it will not replace our beloved children.. We can’t protect our children from everything – life doesn’t happen that way..

So as Father’s Day approaches, remember that the “dads and grand dads” who are grieving the loss of a child, are impacted just as much by these specials days, every bit as much as we, the moms, are – although most men don’t show it.. Share the day with them, remind them what a wonderful dad they were – even if it was for the short time during a pregnancy, or for those few days weeks or months of a baby’s life or for those who were blessed to have helped raise the child to adulthood…  Reassure them that they are not to blame – that you still love them more than ever, and that our children are safe in the hands of God until we see them again…

Personally I've already pre-ordered several of Kelly's books for friends and family who, like us,  have experienced the death of a child or children.. if you would like more information about Kelly, his blog or his book.. I would encourage your to visit his website, which is always listed on our list of websites, and here:

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