~~by
Cherie Houston
I want to share with you a comment I read in the
spring of 2010, just months after my son Bobby died. A student of mine sent me
the link, recommending that I read an article she'd read which she felt might
help me with my grief journey..The following “comment” was written about this
specific article - the article itself was written by Meagan Francis, on her
website: www.thehappiestmom.com
Meagan Francis's article on June 1st, 2010 was titled:
“Going On Living After A Child Has Died” a subject we all
know and understand only too well.... please read it if you get a chance...
Anyway - after I read her article, I continued on and
read many of the comments that were posted. Most of the comments voiced overwhelming
fear and tremendous gratitude that they, the person writing the
comment, had never experienced this horrific event of losing a child themselves. But the
following comment touched my heart – it made me realize just how important it
is for each of us who have lost a child to continue on, to enjoy life and
celebrate the life of our child who has died – but just as importantly, it
reminded me of how, the way in which we continue on, can and does affect those
we love who are still with us. Thank you Michelle P for your honesty and words
of wisdom…I have the following comment printed and by my computer to continually
remind me of the importance of living and enjoying each and every member of
my family who are alive and well..something I was losing sight of...
Despite my love for my three angel children, I admit I am not ready to join them ~ instead I hope that I can and will keep their memories alive
by living each and every day to the fullest and seeing the beauty and blessings
of all that I have, which includes my amazing family: the most wonderful husband a woman could ask for, 2 wonderful sons; 2 wonderful step-sons, 5 beautiful daughter-in-laws and 10 (soon to be 11) amazing grandchildren!!! I try to focus each & every day on the positive, instead of concentrating on that which I’ve lost.. I truly hope this comment will help you just a
little…
Michelle P on June 1, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Denise Schipani expressed it perfectly: “You go on,
but you take a wildly different path.” If we are the sum total of our
experiences – and losing a child is surely one of the most traumatic
experiences I’ve ever witnessed – then what actually happens to parents in
these circumstances is not only unknowable, it’s unimaginable.
I watched my parents deal with the accidental death of
my younger brother (he drowned at the age of 19), through the months when they
were literally sick with grief, and the eight years since. They (as am I) are
forever changed by his death but not necessarily in a negative or even regrettable
way. And that’s because (and I’m not sure how to say this right) it’s not only
in death that we were changed: that change actually began with his life – the
fact that he died is only one aspect of who he was, just as the fact that my
mother is not just a person who lost a son, she is a person who HAD a son for
19 years. And after working (and it really WAS work) through their grief, my
parents choose to go on living full and even healthier lives partly as a
celebration of his life. They see it as his inheritance, as something he’s
given back to them, a way to make sense of his death – it gives even more
meaning to their lives, to their identities as parents (because you don’t stop
being a parent when your child dies).
I am incredibly proud of my parents for this: it is
not only one of the bravest decisions they have ever taken, but it means that I
have not lost them along with the future I would have had my brother.
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