As this yet another Thanksgiving approaches since Peggy’s death, I look back to the first one. My thoughts at that time consisted of, “I WILL NOT pray and give thanks for anything or anyone.” The main thing on my mind was my daughter. I couldn’t give thanks for the short 24 years of her life and certainly not for her death. I had lived a fairly decent life, and this was my payment? How could God allow this to happen to our family?
The words thankful and thankless follow one another in my dictionary; so close together in a book, yet SO far apart in meaning. When you think about it, the difference between the two words is full and less. Those of us who have had more time still do have a fullness because we have learned to be thankful and appreciate that which we have LEFT in the way of family and memories….more so than we ever thought possible.
Now as I look over the many months and years that have passed, I have many thoughts and even more thank you’s:
- First I give thanks to God, who has given me a peace that passes all understanding, and Joy in the place of pain.
- I give thanks for surviving and still being ME
- I give thanks for where our family is now and for those who are still here to sit around our Thanksgiving table
- I give thanks for my husband Don, who deserves a medal for withstanding my heartbreak and standing beside me still
- I give thanks for Vickie, Randy, Donna and David, our 4 remaining children, who light up our eyes with each new day and for the 14 grandchildren they have blessed us with
- I give thanks for my friends, who were there in my sorrow and now share in some of my joys
- I give thanks for my beloved Mother, who chose to stand beside me and be my best friend during the hardest days of my life
- I give thanks for all of you Journey Moms, old or new, without you, I wouldn’t be here today
- I give thanks that the early days of my painful grief have passed
- I give thanks that I can rise each morning with a happier heart rather than feeling heartbroken and helpless and end up staying in bed all day
- I give thanks for the almost “whole” feeling I now experience
- I give thanks for Peggy and for what she gave us in her life and also in her death
- I am thankful for the gift of TODAY