Sunday, January 3, 2010

Thoughts on Winter

~ TCF Chapter, Palo Alto, California

January, February, so cold, so crisp, so leafless. Beginning a NEW year, and a NEW beginning. You never lived in this year and that is new. Sometimes new is painful. January is also the month of resolutions and the only resolution we must make is that we must learn to live without our child. What a profound sadness that is! To love them so deeply, so passionately, so completely, only to have us part.

My child, did I ever tell you enough how much I loved you? I’ve wondered. Do we tell those we love how very much their life has meant to us? Probably we do not. Somehow we arrogantly believe that time goes on forever. It does. It’s just that people do not. We fail to recognize how entirely too brief some lives can be. You were not supposed to die. Death is reserved for others. How could you disappoint me? Didn’t you know that I had such plans for you? I didn’t want to face my own mortality. How cruel life was, using you to prove to me that we do indeed come to an end.

I don’t want to accept your death, but what choice have I left? Oh, I’ll mend, although mending sometimes means forgetting. I cannot put you aside, but already memories of you are fading. You know what I like best. When I’m given little tidbits of your life by those who knew you. What a bittersweet delight. Each piece of my jigsaw puzzle will eventually fit together. You will be the only missing piece. ~Dorothy Worrell, TCF, Palo Alto, CA

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