WHAT IS LEFT?

~written by Betty Stevens, Baltimore, MD~

When a child dies, you ask – among other questions – What is left?

A beautiful sensitive, intelligent son has chosen to end his life. What can be left after such a crushing blow? Others will point out that you have a spouse, other children or grandchildren, perhaps relatives and friends. They are all left. Perhaps you have a career that is left. And yet, how meaningless all of those are to a bereaved parent, to one who is suffering the most devastating loss of all. So you continue to search for what it is that is left.

You read books on bereavement, scarcely remembering what you have read. You attend meetings, talk with others who have suffered a loss like yours. If you are fortunate, you have one or two good friends who, while they cannot fully understand, are there to love and listen.

Perhaps there is a therapist who guides you in your search for an answer. But, for a long while, everything you read or hear has little meaning, and certainly cannot provide the answer to your question.

Or can it? Does all that you have read and heard and experienced finally come together and answer the question of what is left? For me, it does. The answer was 13 months in coming, but how clear it seems now.

I am left. That’s it! I am left, and I have been left with the love of Scott. It is a new love, it is different – more intense, it is undemanding, it need not be reciprocated, there are no strings attached. I love this love of Scott’s. It warms me and comforts me. It is a wonderful love, but I cannot keep it. It would be wrong to do so; this love is too precious to keep to myself.
I am left with love to spare and love to share. It will never run out. He will always be with me to replenish it. I have found the answer!

I am left to share Scott’s love with you.