Prayer Request for Don & Joyce Floyd

We hope you will join us sending prayers for Don Floyd's medical team at Mayo in Phoenix and that both Don & Joyce have the strength to deal with this difficult journey they are on fighting Don's lung cancer.…

This is excerpt from Joyce Floyd’s daughter “Donna” on Joyce’s husband Don's Caring Bridge web page today as Don continues his valiant battle. Remember, if you would like to follow Don Floyd’s progress, this is the link to his Caring Bridge Page, which their daughter Donna, lovingly updates ..

www.caringbridge.org/visit/donfloydlakehavasu

Donna also posted this excerpt from a little book titled “Jesus Calling”

“Rest with me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me. Your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once, though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you watching over you wherever you go” No truer words were ever written.

Thank you so much for your prayers, and continued support as they walk this long road. Much Love, Donna Michelle

What to do with our children's memories and keepsakes...

I truly believe that the memories of our children, are one of the best healing legacies that exist after our children die – no one can take these memories from us.. Personally I feel it's been my memories of my 3 children that have died that have helped me keep my sanity during the difficult grieving journeys after each of their deaths. The journey was difficult when I lost my 2 little girls, Randee in 1971 and then Robin in 1972, but it has been especially difficult, since my 3rd child, my 36 year old adult son Bobby, died on September 19th, 2009… Not only were my memories important to me, but I became almost compulsive about making sure that Bobby’s 2 little boys, only 5 & 6 at the time he died, would never forget their dad... Yes, the memories are bittersweet – they make me cry as often as they make me laugh and smile – but they are always there – waiting for me to “visit” whenever I want but his boys were little, how could I help them to remember...

There's no doubt that when Bobby died, one of my biggest fears is that his children, because they were so young, would forget him and what an important part of their daddy’s lives they had been.. I decided I just couldn’t let that happen, so in that first year after Bobby died I decided I'd create a "small memory book" for them. Well almost 700 pictures and 11 months later the book was done and ordered to be given to his boy’s on their dad’s 1st memorial anniversary. Not only did I give them to his boys, but also his brothers, myself of course and to several other close family members and friends.. It’s wonderful to see his boys going thru it quite often……

My next memory project came about quite unexpectedly. It began shortly after this first anniversary – Bobby’s wife Jennifer had not yet gone thru Bobby’s things-they were all still hanging in his closet and in his bureau’s drawer.. His boys wanted some of his things so they and I decided that I should make them a quilt from their dads things – they went about choosing their favorites shirts and even some of his boxer shorts, which they explained is what he wore for pajamas… Preparing them and cutting them up was so much harder than I could have imagined-once done, I put them all in a bag and it took me months to actually begin the task of creating their 2 quilts… finally in April I gathered enough courage to begin the quilts.. Although I’ve sewn for many years – I have never quilted in my life, so beginning this daunting task was scary to say the least… But, with help of my sister Mary and several friends including Colleen and so many others at Jon-Ali’s (who by the way encouraged me to add some photos of Bobby and the boys and I’m so thankful I did) I have finally finished the quilts. The boys were thrilled: they immediately took them to school to show their classes – the youngest, Justin, is in 1st grade and his older brother Dylan is in 2nd grade.. they also have shown them to everyone at the day care center they’ve attended since they were little and to everyone who comes into their home..

And now I’m working to complete the 3rd memory project which I hope to give them on daddy’s 2nd memorial anniversary in September – a true memory book. Yes the book will have more than 1,000 photos of Bobby’s 36 year short life, but just as importantly so much more of their dad’s memorabilia which I’ve been busy scanning in – you know all the things accumulated during a life time, the tags from the hospital basinet when he was born, his report cards & teachers notes, drivers license, resume, pictures he made me as a little boy – all those things that remind me he was really here and not just my imagination… Keepsakes and memories that represent who Bobby was and is – all the tangible lasting things that remind me of the special relationships Bobby had with everyone in his life, including his family and those who loved him most…

This fall, members of our Mom’s Group in Lake Havasu City, AZ will have a chance to create their own Memory Book – Mohave Community College where I teach, has donated the use of my classroom so that I can work with up to 20 mom’s who would like to create their own memory books… So mark your calendars for 2 Saturdays, October 29th & November 5, 9am-1pm to join us and create your own lasting legacy “a memory book of your child/children”…

"There’s Nothing" Poem

THERE'S NOTHING
by Ron Tranmer

There’s nothing in this world
that brings such happiness
as that of a dear sweet child,
to hold, to love and caress.

When one comes into our life
there is no greater joy.
It matters not the gender,
a baby girl or baby boy.

There’s nothing in this world
that brings such heartfelt sorrow,
as to have them in your life one day
and find them gone tomorrow.

At the loss of a little child
we must put our love and trust
in God, our Heavenly Father,
who gave the child to us.

Love for the gift He gave us,
and trust that in His time,
we will hold our child again
in our heavenly home divine.

What not to say to a grieving parent...

This post will end my series of posts, dedicated to grieving dads.. The following was sent to my by a grieving dad, Paul Stanley from Jacobs, Iowa - who has lost 2 children - his beautiful 5 year old daughter Samantha and his handsome young son Paul, who was only 19 when he took his own life.. Paul wanted to remind others, that often times their helpful comments, may not be so helpful...

Yes dad’s, just like us moms, have certain phrases that have been said to them since their child has died that they could have done without… Here are some of those "thoughtful" expressions that dads, just like you and I, whose children have died, could have done without.

I want to believe that none of these individuals who made such foolish comments did so with malice in their hearts – they just don’t realize that their comments can often create more pain for us, and they don’t realize that “when in doubt about what to say, say nothing” For those of us who are the recipients of such comments – let the comments go, and simply respond by saying “I pray you are never where I am today” .. Cherie Houston

"It was their time." Would that it be the "time" of anyone compelled to utter this one. No one who loses a child will be comforted by this statement.

"God wanted him/her more than you did." I'd rather have heard: "He or she is with God now."

"Don't you think that you should be getting over it by now?" This from someone whose most significant loss was her ninety-something grandmother dying at home with the family by her side.

"It's a good thing you have other children" Believe me - it doesn't help - each of our children is unique and can't be replaced - but it is a very common statement to parents in the days and weeks following the death of their child...

"I know exactly how you feel." If you haven't lost a child you don't have a clue, my friend and I pray you never do.

"Why did you have to do it?" Kevin who lost his young daughter to suicide told me how much he hated to hear this one resounding in his mind. I know what he means -- I hate to hear myself saying it, too.

"You know, you have to him him/her go." No, I don't have to, and I never will. The part of him/her that lives in my heart will stay put.

"All that anger is keeping you from healing." That might be true were "healing" an available outcome. Grieving isn't an illness that I can "heal from" Grieving is a process - a journey - and sadly the anger is part of the process - part of the journey... I don't think I will ever get over this, I just want to get through it...

"He or she is in a much better place now." His or her "place" was here for the 30-50+ years they lost. If they could have seen that their pain was temporary, he could have taken his time getting to that "better place."

"Well, you know that it's been more than (1 year, 2 years, 8 years, etc.) now." Sorry to be noncompliant but I'm still his Dad and will be forever.

"You've got to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault. It was his/her free choice." A suicidal individual in the throes of unimaginable suffering can make a "free choice" but I don't have the right to feel responsible for missing his anguish?

"Too bad that he/she wasn't stronger." In the case of suicide, pain levels all. Experience psychache (intense psychological pain) and then talk to me about strength.

"Try to only remember the 'good times'." From a parent at a grieving conference who remarked "I never had any other kind of 'times' with my son before he died."

"I supposed that now that you have a grandson it makes up for losing your son."
What perverse logic led to that conclusion? Actually the little guy often reminds me of what I've lost and what my son's missing.

"You need help. You really ought to see somebody!" I'd really like to see my child again. That would help.

"I had a great Christmas with my family and all. Its really too bad that your daughter messed yours up!" This was said to a parent whose daughter was murdered by a drunk driver. Parents who've lost children wouldn't wish it on anybody, but maybe there are exceptions.

"Well, at least he went out with a bang." From a co-worker to the aunt of a 22 year old man killed by lightning.

"Good to see you back, time to get over it...your wife has to realize that you can't spend all your time at home...you have to treat this like a military operational loss..." From a "superior" officer to a father who lost his infant son at age 4 days.

"There was nothing anyone could have done." Few suicide grievers find any solace in this throwaway line. Maybe, just maybe, something damn well could have been done to save him!

"Did you know that he or she was mentally ill?" No comment.

"He/she must have been very disturbed to take their own life." I believe that he/she was in a tremendous amount of pain that I can't even begin to understand; I'm the one who's "disturbed" by your ignorance.

"You are young - you will have more children." But I want this child - I want the dreams we had for this child. Sadly this is a comment made all too often to parents who lose very young children or suffer miscarriages - believe me, this comment helps no one and is quite honestly, ignorant.

Be gentle - don't dwell on these or other hurtful comments and

forgive those who make them...

A Grieving Father's Prayer - Our hearts are with you today

Lovingly borrowed in the hopes that we will ease the heartache of at least one dad today as they celebrate Fathers Day - Just remember, that once a dad - always a day - from the moment of conception... And know that your child or children are smiling down on you and so grateful and proud that your are moving forward in their memory... We hope all our dads who are grieving today will find peace this Father's Day as you remember and celebrate your childs memories... Cherie Houston

A GRIEVING FATHER'S PRAYER
~ written by Laura/Heavenly Lights Children’s Memorial
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com

Our Father… Who art in heaven…

I come to you with a heavy heart today…
I know you know… but I have lost my child…
And am feeling like I lost my way.

People seem to think I am so strong…
I am not invincible…I am not superman…
I am just a grieving father… missing my child
And could use a friendly helping hand.

I have always been the fixer-upper type of dad…
I could fix anything…ever since I was ten…
But I cannot fix the clock of time…
But, Please God, can you help me wind it up again?

Please bless all the grieving fathers…
Each hour throughout this day…
With the strength to keep moving ahead…
Even one baby step at a time…would be okay.

Please bless all grieving fathers…
Each day throughout this week…
And guide them on their journey of grief…
As the meaning of life they do seek.

Please bless all grieving fathers…
Each week this whole month through…
With memories to last a lifetime…
And understanding friends to turn to.

Please bless all grieving fathers
Each month throughout this year…
With hugs to comfort…in our time of need
And people to realize our grief doesn’t disappear.

Please bless all grieving fathers…
Each year until the end of time…
With faith in You…to see us through
From sunrise to sunset…for our whole lifetime.

Please God Bless all grieving fathers…
Each day throughout this year…
As seasons change…And time unfolds…
Day by day… Month by month… Year by year…
And especially today…on this Father’s Day.

Amen

~ written by Laura/Heavenly Lights Children’s Memorial
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com

Helping a grieving dad this Father's Day

How many times have you thought or asked the following questions after your child died about the father of your child who has died…

• “Since our little boy died my husband fights the tears and holds them back?”


• “Our child died but my husband finds it so hard to express his emotions?”


• “I know my husband loved our child, but I don’t understand what’s happening with him – either he’s done grieving or he just can’t deal with it..


• "I don’t understand him? AndI don’t think he understands me either…?”

There’s no doubt that each of us different and that includes the way in which we react to and grieve for our children, but studies show there are most likely genetic differences in the way men and women handle grief and I'm sure it's also environmental, in the way in which we’ve been conditioned since childhood. We all know that typically it's much harder for men to show their emotions and this is no different when it comes to the way in which they grieve.. I do think however that this has changed a little for the better with the younger generation of men…

It is so important to encourage the men in our lives to accept their true feelings as normal, bypass role expectations, and give themselves permission to grieve.

I read an article recently in one of The Compassionat Friend websites addressing this issue and they spoke of the variolus roles that men are conditioned to play or be and no doubt these roles can and do impact the grief process for dads and men in general:

One role is that of MACHO-MAN, a role which begins during boyhood (Big boys don’t cry) and is reinforced by the media and females indoctrinated with the same conditioning. On an unconscious level, men usually accept the macho role.

After the death of a child, fathers as well as mothers have a desperate need to express the emotions of grief. Feelings of sadness are triggered by the obvious absence of the child, family events, memories, pictures, and holidays. Society will accept a father’s crying at the time of his child’s death or at the memorial service or funeral, but not long afterwards.

Because a man is less able to verbalize his pain, he and his wife may have difficulties as they attempt to support and understand each other. Unless they can understand and discuss their different grief responses, they may have additional problems in an already distressed marriage.

When dealing with the death of a child, a father can feel a sense of failure in his role as PROTECTOR. (Men assume quite naturally the role of protector of wives, children, and property.) He begins to ask himself why he didn’t do something that would have prevented the death. He fails again in this role because he cannot protect his family from the pain of grief or shield them from the devastating effects of his own grief.

The role of PROVIDER commonly causes a father to return to work very soon after his child’s death. He may have problems at work or he may reinvest himself in his job, attempting to forget his loss. Because at home he cannot avoid facing the death of his child, he tries to find activities which will prevent his being at home too much. The demand of his job force a father to grieve at a different rate than his wife.

As a boy grows up, his parents encourage him to “stand on your own two feet,” so he assumes the role of the SELF-SUFFICIENT MAN. When coping with the death of his own child, he may feel he should be able to handle it alone. Men tend to share about what they do, rather than what they feel. The need to maintain a self-sufficient posture often keeps fathers away from meetings, peer sharing, and professional help.
Understanding the male conditioning and the impact it has on the grief process is very important for moms and dads alike.

The suggestions to help grieving dads, aren’t much different from those that we as moms often hear and find helpful:

• Give yourself permission to grieve


• Learn to cry again


• Talk to your family, explaining that you don’t always grieve the way they do


• Take time for yourself


• Direct your anger at things, not people


• Talk to other bereaved fathers


• Dads should be encouraged to join a support group especialy one for men only


• Do some daily exercises


• Don’t hesitate to seek professional help

As Father's Day approaches, know that grieving dads are also hurting and often bracing themselves as we do when Mother's Day approaches.. Yes, no matter how long ago their child died, the age of their child or circumstances of their childs death - once a dad, always a dad and they deserve the same recognition and encouragement that we also needed - and for sure, a hug can certainly go a long way to help heal their broken heart...

Helping Yourself When Your Child Has Died – Part 2 of 2

~ by Charles A. Corr, Ph.D  _ Continued from our posting on June 11th, 2011...

DRAW STRENGTH FROM OTHER BEREAVED PARENTS - Bereaved parents often report that other parents who lost children were their most effective helpers. “They knew the pain. They knew what to say and what not to say.” It may help you to seek out a local support group for bereaved parents by asking for referrals from a funeral home, hospice program or a religious institution in your area.

FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD’S LEGACY - Many parents have found it helpful to concentrate not only on what they have lost, but also on what their child has meant and continues to mean to them. They reflect on how their child enriched their lives. You can do this by thinking about the special place and meaning your child holds for you. Your life is richer because your child lived.

Your relationship with your child will now be different – that is the hard fact resulting from death. However, your child will always have a place in your heart – that will never change. Even though your child is no longer alive, you can still love that child for as long as you live. Loving in separation is no less real than loving in presence.  Your child helped to make you who you now are in your life’s journey. The legacy of your child can still help you grow; it can continue to have profound effects in your own life and in the lives of those around you.

COMMEMORATING YOUR CHILD’S LIFE - You can commemorate the life of your child in many ways. Some parents write brief poems or short stories, while others compose a journal of memories, create a garden, make a charitable donation, or establish a scholarship in their child’s memory.

Other parents commemorate the life of their child by buying or making a special present on their child’s birthday, holidays or other gift-giving occasions. They then donate the present in the memory of their child to a poor youngster or to a charity. In this and other ways, you can maintain an important connection with your child and keep his or her memory and legacy alive in your own life.  You can often help yourself best by accepting support and love from those who love you and who knew and loved your child, as well as by helping others who turn to you for support and love.

Everyone who loved your child will be affected by his or her death. All of them still need to feel loved, secure, and like they are an important part of your family. Shared hugs and tears are great ways to say, “We still are a family, the child who died remains a part of our family, and in spite of everything we all continue to matter.”

~ Charles A. Corr, Ph.D, is Professor emeritus, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, and former Chairperson (1989-1993) of the International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement. Dr. Corr’s professional publications include 22 books and more than 80 articles and chapters on a wide variety of death-related topics.

Helping Yourself When Your Child Has Died – Part 1 of 2

~ by Charles A. Corr, Ph.D

The death of your child is likely to be the most painful and difficult experience you will ever have. A child’s death violates all that we expect from the natural course of events. “Children should outlive their parents,” we say. In most cases, they do. But what do we do when we find ourselves saying a final goodbye to a child? What then? What can we do to help ourselves in such awful circumstances?

EXPERIENCE YOUR GRIEF - At least at first, you may find yourself unable to accept that your child really has died. That is certainly understandable and normal. Give yourself time to absorb this harsh fact and to begin to acknowledge its many implications. Allow yourself to experience your grief in all of its dimensions – physical, psychological, social and spiritual. Do so gradually and in small doses, if you can.

Thinking about your child or talking about your child with others may sometimes be painful. At other times it may be comforting. Don’t be afraid to cry when you need. Tears are healing. The depth of the grief that you are currently experiencing is likely to relate closely to the depth of the relationship you shared with your child. Grief is the price we pay for having loved, for in doing so, we have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable to loss.

COPING WITH YOUR GRIEF - Try to manage, not master, your loss and grief. Focus on the present. You needn’t try to work out your entire future right away. Take one day at a time – but don’t try to cope even with an hour at a time if that is too much for you right now. Time does not heal all by itself, but the way we use the time that is available to us can help us to heal and grow.  Be mindful of your needs for food and water, rest and exercise. Taking good care of yourself is essential to provide the resources you need to function on a daily basis.

You will need to find your own way after the death of your child. Coping with such an awful loss is a very individualized experience. Think of what helped you when you encountered other, smaller losses earlier in life.

SUPPORT FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS - Maintain relationships with immediate family members and friends. You really need their support right now, even if you don’t think there is much they can do for you. Do not hesitate to ask friends for assistance when you need help. True friends will be glad to learn how to help you in practical matters and other ways.

If someone says or does something that is not helpful or perhaps is even hurtful, you may wish to explain your feelings and discuss what does help. Do not suffer in silence. Look out for yourself. Most people mean well, but sometimes they don’t know what to do or what to say. In fact, we all have much to learn about what responses are appropriate when a child dies. You will likely find yourself teaching these lessons whether you want to or not. Be gentle, but firm; teach people to be more understanding and helpful to you.

When you give them permission, true friends will welcome opportunities to share with you their memories of your child – and you, too, will benefit, because their memories will enrich the legacy of your child in your own mind and heart.

Part 2 of 2 will be posted on Monday, June 11th

Men Do Cry

~ by Ken Falk

MEN DO CRY

I heard quite often "men don’t cry"
though no one ever told me why.
So when I fell and skinned a knee,
no one came by to comfort me.

And when some bully-boy at school
would pull a prank so mean and cruel,
I’d quickly learn to turn and quip,
"It doesn’t hurt," and bite my lip.

So as I grew to reasoned years,
I learned to stifle any tears.
Though "Be a big boy" it began,
quite soon I learned to "Be a man."

And I could play that stoic role
while storm and tempest wracked my soul.
No pain or setback could there be
could wrest one single tear from me.

Then one long night I stood nearby
and helplessly watched my son die.
And quickly found, to my surprise,
that all that tearless talk was lies.

And still I cry, and have no shame.
I cannot play that "big boy" game.
And openly, without remorse,
I let my sorrow takes its course.

So those of you who can’t abide
a man you’ve seen who’s often cried,
reach out to him with all your heart
as one whose life’s been torn apart.

For men DO cry when they can see
their loss of immortality.
And tears will come in endless streams
when mindless fate destroys their dreams.

Ken has been a member of the Northwest Connecticut Chapter of The Compassionate Friends

“Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” Part 2 of 2

Continued from our blog posting on Friday, June 3rd…

“Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” Part 2 of 2 (Posted May 23, 2011 by GrievingDads) Written by Kelly Farley:

I was recently asked to write a short article on ways to support a grieving dad and thought I would share the article here on this blog.

Positive Ways to Support a Grieving Dad

As a result of the Grieving Dads Project, I have spoken to hundreds of grieving dads and the one thing I have learned is people need to tell their story. Not only do they need to tell their story, they need to be allowed to share their emotions while telling their story. The following are a few ways to provide support to the Grieving Dads you may know:

1. Encourage them to talk about what they are feeling and thinking (even the really dark stuff).

2. Remind them that they are not alone.

3. Let them speak openly about their pain.

4. Do not try to solve their problems and be a good listener.

5. Encourage them to find support groups for men. These groups could be grief related or a group of men that are all dealing with various life struggles.

6. Do not push them through their grief and allow them to tell their stories.

7. Allow them the time to process what has happen to them.

8. Allow them to turn to or away from their faith as needed.

9. If they start to cry, let them, it helps cleanse the soul.

10. Let them know you are there for them at anytime of the day, and mean it.

Keep in mind that people who are grieving are ultra sensitive so it is important to think before you speak. Understand how your words may be interrupted by the receiver. If you really don’t know what to say, say nothing. There is healing in silence so it is better to sit quietly and listen than to fill the air with words that are not helpful.

Any other suggestions on how to help a grieving dad (or mom)?

Kelly’s website: http://www.grievingdads.com/

Kelly’s blog: http://www.grievingdads.wordpress.com/

“Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” Part 1 of 2

As June arrives and thoughts turn to the upcoming Father’s Day holiday, I would like to introduce you to Kelly Farley, a breaved father of 2 children. I also want to share with you Kelly’s website.

The following is blog posting that Kelly wrote several days ago and with Kelly's permission I am going to share with you, part of it today and the remainder on Sunday, June 5th...I’m so glad I’ve found Kelly’s blog and hope you will also find it enlightening, inspirational and helpful for us and the men in our lives who are also grieving for their children and grandchildren who have gone too soon. Sadly, men don’t always show their grief – society often dictates that they be strong despite the heartache they are enduring.. Kelly not only shares his grief but is a source for other dads and granddads to do the same… I have also taken the liberty of adding the links to Kelly’s blog and website to our blog for your future reference…Cherie Houston

“Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” Part 1 of 2 (Posted May 23, 2011 by GrievingDads) Written by Kelly Farley:

I was recently asked to write a short article on ways to support a grieving dad and thought I would share the article here on this blog. 

Positive Ways to Support a Grieving Dad

I often hear from grieving dads that tell me they feel alone in their grief after the death of their child. It amazes me that after going through something as profound as the death of a child, that these men feel so alone and isolated. As much as it amazes me, I can relate because I too felt alone after the death of my two children.

I felt so alone that I would go online and search for other grieving dads that were out there. However, I didn’t find what I was looking for or needed at that point in my grief. I didn’t find it because most men do not feel like they have permission to tell their story or to share how they are feeling out of fear of being looked at as less than a man or weak. We all know that society is not comfortable with an openly grieving person, but they are even more uncomfortable with a man showing his emotions.

This problem comes from men being taught at a young age that we should not show “weakness” and that we have to “be strong”. As a result of these “lessons” we do everything we can to hide our pain. We try to take on the role of protector. We feel it is our role to help our wives through the loss and to keep everything operating in the household. This approach only prolongs the grief process and can delay it for years.

Because most people in society feel uncomfortable with a grieving parent’s pain, they want to try to solve their problem, but they can’t. This isn’t something you can give a pep talk for and expect the person to walk away feeling differently. You cannot solve this problem.

It took me a long time and a lot of internal pain to realize I had to address my own pain before I could help my wife through hers. I realized it was important that we should travel this journey together, helping each other when we can. Once I realized I need to address my own pain, I started to open myself up to others that were there to help me.

Once I started to address my pain, I made it my mission to reach out to other grieving dads and so I started the Grieving Dads Project as a way to create a resource for men and provide a location where these dads can go to speak honestly and openly about what they are dealing with. This blog is a place where these men can go and not feel so alone and to realize that other men are thinking and feeling the same way.

As part of building the Grieving Dads Project, I have traveled the last year conducting workshops and speaking to child loss support groups as well as conducting one-on-one interviews with grieving dads. These interviews were designed to help me capture the rawness of this profound grief. The information I learned and the stories I heard will be told with brutal honesty in a book that will provide a glimpse into the aftermath of what grieving dads deal with when a child dies.

The remainder of Kelly's post will be posted on our blog, Sunday, June 5th...

Kelly’s website: http://www.grievingdads.com/

Kelly’s blog: http://www.grievingdads.wordpress.com/

Never Forgottern

June the month of graduations, weddings, more memories and of course Father's Day... so although this is a blog for Mom's, the next few posts will be dedicated to our partners - our other half in the creation of our child and children... The pain for dads is as devastating and unbearable as it is for each of us moms, but in so many cultures, and sadly that's most, dads seem to feel and be made to feel that their emotions associated with grief are signs of weakness. That simply isn't true - no matter who and what we are, male - female - young - old, the emotions of grieving, in my opinion, are simply the signs of having truly loved someone special to us, but especially when it is our child - someone we created....

So as Father's Day approaches on Sunday, June 19th, this is the first of several things I'm going to share with you leading up to "Father's Day"... And I hope you will share them with a dad or granddad or any male who sadly has joined this club of having lost their beloved child or children.... Cherie Houston

~ Written by Vicki Tushingham, TCF~

I recently had an experience that touched my heart and I want to share it with you. I have a new job as General Manager of a private tennis club. My first week at the club, I met a member known to all as “Old Bill.”

Bill is 92 years old and perfectly independent and active. He comes to the club most every Friday, enjoys lunch and, weather permitting, a game of tennis. “Old Bill” likes to talk, and we became fast friends. He told me how he had lost his wife a few years back and how he misses her, particularly so, he said, because it was just the two of them. Bill then went on to tell me that he and his wife had lost their only child when she was 8 ½ years old.

He asked if the story was boring me; I assured him it was not, because I too, had lost my only child. Bill then sat down and told me the story of his little Shirley’s life and death, just as we all tell our stories at support group meetings. He had the same need to tell it again as we all do. But he told it with pride and joy blended with the sorrow of his loss. “She was a beauty,” he said, “and bright as a button.” If she had lived, she would be 70 years old today; she’s been gone 62 years. In turn, I told him of my Sandy.

Though I cried for Bill’s loss of Shirley as I do for all of us, I was comforted by the confirmation that, while decades pass, our children are never forgotten.

I’ll now know of a little girl named Shirley, who will always be loved and never forgotten by her dad, and as I pass this story along, you too will know “Old Bill’s Little Shirley.”