Tuesday, August 21, 2012

It's OK ~ You're Absolutely Normal ~You Are Grieving!

As a grieving parent, there are many days when we question our own sanity... wonder if we are normal - why aren't we getting better as so many around us seem to expect..   As we've said in previous blogs, for many around us - their ability to understand the grieving process is based on their own experiences - which most often are the normal, expected passings of aging adults - not of their precious children... So how we, as parents, grieve for our children is very different - and no matter what, others may say to you, you are sane & you are normal..  

As strange as some of these emotions and actions may seem, they are normal and healthy. Allow yourself to learn from them.  Don’t be surprised if, out of nowhere, you suddenly experience surges of grief, even at the most unexpected times – even months and years later – when you think you have “gotten better”.   These grief attacks can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed. They are, however, a natural response to the death of someone we loved with all our hearts – our precious children…  And trust me, it truly helps to find someone who understands your feelings – what you are going thru, someone who will allow you to talk about your child…..  This is a true list that a grandma from one of my classes in AZ recently sent to me to share...   How true it is... Cherie Houston

But You're Absolutely Normal! ~ By Joanne Bonelli, TCF, Greater Boise Area, ID

Grief is a normal reaction to loss, and it shows up in many ways you might not expect. If you've…
• been angry with doctors or nurses for not doing enough
• been sleeping too much or not enough
• noticed a change in appetite
• felt no one understands what you're going through
• felt friends should call more or call less or leave you alone or invite you along more often
• bought things you didn't need
• considered selling everything and moving
• had headaches, upset stomachs, weakness, lethargy, more aches and pains
• been unbearable, lonely, and depressed
• been crabby
• cried for no apparent reason
• found yourself obsessed with thoughts of the deceased
• been forgetful, confused, uncharacteristically absentminded
• panicked over little things
• felt guilty about things you have or haven't done
• gone to the store every day
• forgotten why you went somewhere
• called friends and talked for a long time
• called friends and wanted to hang up after only a brief conversation
• not wanted to attend social functions you usually enjoyed
• found yourself unable to concentrate on written material
• been unable to remember what you just read

…you’re normal.

These are all common reactions to grief. They take up to two to three years (or more) to pass, but they will ease and pass. Don't worry - you will never forget your child or children.  Eventually though, in your own time and your own way, your life will become normal, but remember, it will never be exactly the same - it will be a "new normal" that is unique to you..  Until then, try to take care of yourself, be patient and know in time you will heal and find peace...


  1. Thank you for continuing to help other parents like myself.
    My 23 year old son died suddenly 13 weeks ago. I've been searching for blogs and websites by and for bereaved parents and I've included your site


    Perhaps you might find some of the other blogs meaningful.

    1. Thank you for your comments and I'm glad you found some comfort with our blog, but please know that this blog helps me just as much.. This journey is challenging, but I feel that our children are so proud of the ways in which we are continuing forward...