Helping Kids Who've Lost Dads, Celebrate Father’s Day

When a child loses a parent, holidays like Fathers Day can be especially painful and difficult. But their loss and the holiday is not something that can or should be ignored or avoided. It can be a time of healing – here are some thoughts.

1. Talk With The Mother About the Father’s Day Plans  - Communication is always helpful and as we know, some children deal very well with the loss, at least until they hit middle school. So, if you would like to help them celebrate, talk with their mom. Ask her what her plans are and tell her what you would like to do and ask if there is anything she would suggest. Working together, it can be a great chance to help them move forward.

2. Share Their Grief - Talk about their dad - most children love hearing stories about their dad - especially when their dad was their current age. Let children know how much you miss their dad also - this helps to validate that missing someone is very OK and very normal.  Children of any age can never hear often enough about their dad’s wonderful qualities, how important they were to him and how much he loved them.. Reassure them that he will always be with them in their hearts and that they can speak to him whenever and wherever they would like.

3. Celebrate their dad's life and their life together - Children can and should be given the choice to be included in classroom or other special projects for the holiday.  Let the child decide what they are comfortable with. Many children are not comfortable visiting the cemetery or other final resting place, so consider other more pleasant options; remind them how wonderful it is to create new & different traditions..

• Planting a tree, plant or other living reminder of their dad is a wonderful way to celebrate his life
• Create a memory book or collage of wonderful times they've shared together - this can be done with or without pictures
• Encourage children to put their thoughts, ideas and memories down on paper, in a card, letter or drawing.
• Many children enjoy writing notes to their dads and sending their notes to their dads in heaven, via a helium balloon or out to sea in a bottle at the ocean..
• Encourage & allow children to express themselves and their memories in their own way – no way is the right way – and what they choose will differ greatly depending on their ages, circumstances of the death and how recent it has been…  

As with anyone who has lost someone they love – be there for them – listen – and allow them to feel free to speak about their dad..

Remind them, no matter what – he will always be their dad..