Insight about how our grief impacts those we love

~~by Cherie Houston

I want to share with you a comment I read this week. A student of mine recommended that I read an article she'd seen on line - so I did knowing the topic...  The following “comment” was written about this specific article - the article itself was written by Meagan Francis, on her website: www.thehappiestmom.com.

Meagan Francis's article on June 1st, 2010 was titled: “Going On Living After A Child Has Died” a subject we all know and understand only too well.... you should read it if you get a chance...

Anyway - after reading her artilce, I continued on and read many of the comments that were posted – most of which voiced overwhelming fear and tremendous gratitude that they, the person writing the comment, had never experienced this horrific event themselves. But the following comment touched my heart – it made me realize just how important it is for each of us who have lost a child to continue on, to enjoy life and celebrate the life of our child who has died.  It also reminded me of how, the way in which we continue on, can and does effect those we love who are still with us. Thank you Michelle P for your honesty and words of wisdom….....

Michelle P on June 1, 2010 at 8:02 pm


Denise Schipani expressed it perfectly: “You go on, but you take a wildly different path.” If we are the sum total of our experiences – and losing a child is surely one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve ever witnessed – then what actually happens to parents in these circumstances is not only unknowable, it’s unimaginable.

I watched my parents deal with the accidental death of my younger brother (he drowned at the age of 19), through the months when they were literally sick with grief, and the eight years since. They (as am I) are forever changed by his death but not necessarily in a negative or even regrettable way. And that’s because (and I’m not sure how to say this right) it’s not only in death that we were changed: that change actually began with his life – the fact that he died is only one aspect of who he was, just as the fact that my mother is not just a person who lost a son, she is a person who HAD a son for 19 years. And after working (and it really WAS work) through their grief, my parents choose to go on living full and even healthier lives partly as a celebration of his life. They see it as his inheritance, as something he’s given back to them, a way to make sense of his death – it gives even more meaning to their lives, to their identities as parents (because you don’t stop being a parent when your child dies).

I am incredibly proud of my parents for this: it is not only one of the bravest decisions they have ever taken, but it means that I have not lost them along with the future I would have had my brother.