Friday, November 12, 2010

For the Newly Bereaved

In the early minutes, days, weeks, months and even years of grief, we find ourselves in an all consuming grief and pain beyond description. We find it difficult to carry on our everyday lives or to think of little except our children's death. Even our once wonderfully happy memories, shared with our children while they lived, now bring us pain for a time.

Bereaved parents do not "get over" the death of our children nor "snap out of it" as the outside world seems to think we can and should. The death of our children is not an illness or a disease from which we recover. It is a life altering change with which we must learn to live.

With the death of our children we are forced to do the "impossible"; build a new life and discover a "new normal" for ourselves and our families in a world that no longer includes our beloved children. It is important for newly bereaved parents to know that they will experience a wide and often frightening variety of intense feelings after the death of our children.

It is also important for newly bereaved parents to understand and know that all of the feelings you experience are very natural and normal under the circumstances. Equally important for you to know and believe is that as much as you cannot possibly believe it, you will not always feel this powerful and all consuming grief.

But right now you must follow the instincts of your soul and allow your bodies and hearts to grieve. The grief resulting from your child's death cannot be skirted over, around or under. You must go through it in order to come out on the other side.

Be gentle and patient with yourself and your family. Allow yourself to cry, to grieve, and to retell your children's story as often as needed and for as long as you need to.

Eventually, you will smile and find joy again. You will never forget your child; he or she will be with you in your heart and memories for as long as you live.

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