Parental Grief is Nameless & Boundless

It is said that a wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.

But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is!

It is frequently said that the grief of bereaved parents is the most intense grief known.

When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died, that a vital and core part of them has been ripped away. Bereaved parents indeed do feel that the death of their child is "the ultimate deprivation" (Arnold and Gemma 1994, 40). The grief caused by their child's death is not only painful but profoundly disorienting-children are not supposed to die.

Parents, whose children have died, are forced to confront an extremely painful and stressful paradox; they are faced with a situation in which they must deal both with the grief caused by their child's death and with their inherent need to continue to live their own lives as fully as possible. Thus, bereaved parents must deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain and yet needing it as a reminder of the child who died.


Bereaved parents continue to be parents of the child who died. They will always feel the empty place in their hearts caused by the child's death; they were, and always will be, the loving father and mother of that child. Yet, these parents have to accept that they will never be able to live their lives with or share their love openly with the child.

So, bereaved parents must find ways to hold on to the memories. Many bereaved parents come to learn that "memories are the precious gifts of the heart...[that they need] these memories and whispers, to help create a sense of inner peace, a closeness" (Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter, Spring 1989, 1).


Yes - parental grief ~ like parental love ~ is boundless. It touches every aspect of a parent's being...

Yes, when our children die, we as parents will grieve for the rest of our lives. Our grief becomes part of us - the new us..As time passes, parents come to appreciate that our grief is our link to our child, our grief keeps us connected to the child.

Yes it is true, Children are not supposed to die, but we know hat they do...  We, the parents, expect to see our children grow, mature and live long and happy lives..

Yes it is true, ultimately, all parents expect to die and leave their children behind...This is the natural course of life events, the life cycle continuing as it should.

But yes we also know, that the loss of a child, our child, is the loss of innocence, and sometimes the death of the most vulnerable and dependent.

Yes, it is true, the death of our child, signifies the loss of the future, of hopes and dreams, of new strength, and of perfection.  We, the parents are expected to an must continue on, to live our lives to the fullest; to give meaning to their lives and their legacies and to insure that throught our memories, that they are not forgotten...