The Lifecycle of a Soul

~ Written by Elisa Medhus, MD

I know many of you watch in pain as the years go by after losing a loved one—one year, two years, five years, ten year, and on and on. If you’re like me, part of you has gained a new spiritual understanding of death and of the soul’s immortality. Yet, despite the comforting fact that we know our loved ones have simply shifted to another dimension right on top of our own—a paradise where we eventually will join them, it’s still hard, isn’t it?

Sometimes, when the house is empty, I call out for Erik like I used to:’ Erik, wake up and let’s go out for breakfast!’ ‘Erik, did you take out the trash?’ ‘Erik, come down for dinner, Sweetie!’ I choke back tears. I sing all of the lullabies that I used to sing when he was a baby. I pray I won’t live to see one hundred. God knows if my family saw me, they’d think I was nuts. I’m already on shaky ground in that territory as it is.

So it’s hard to have all this insight now, but still feel the emptiness in one’s arms and one’s heart, to feel wounded and reduced. We miss the hugs and kisses. We miss the pet nicknames and inside jokes. We miss having someone to nurture. We miss, in a word, the love. This is not to say that love can only emanate to and from one family member or friend, but each love is different. One love lost can never be replaced by another. If a puzzle piece is ripped away from that 3-D puzzle called life, that life is no longer what it was when every piece was in place. Once Erik was torn form my life, I was a right without a left, a to without a fro, a here without a there, a dark without a light. And all the spiritual knowledge we can cram into our minds and our hearts will never be enough. It may well buy us a little time, but, for me, only when we’re together again will I find the satisfaction that comes from feeling whole.

This was written by "Erik Rune Medhus's" mom "Elisa Medhus, MD who is a veteran physician and author, including "Raising Children Who Think for Themselves". She, like us, is a mom whose child has died - Erik was her 20 year old son, who took his own life on October 6ht, 2009. She states that since sad and tragic day, an overwhelming sense of grief and despair propelled her into a search for answers and she shares those thoughts on her blog:

www.channelingerik.com and the above article.blog was posted by Elisa on March 15th this year and sent to me by another mom...

Remembering Baby

~ Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE

Having your baby die at any point in gestation or after is something horrible to even comprehend. And yet millions of families are living with these memories. While after awhile they are not constant, they are there. Our minds often turn to loved ones lost at family centered times of year or during special remembrances. Family celebrations may conjure up pictures in your mind of "what if" holidays or as due dates and birth or death dates come and go.

"What if our baby had lived. She would be two this year and opening gifts and playing with boxes."

"I can't imagine being the mother to a 13 year old now..."

"Wonder what it would have been like to be the parent of a little boy."

Here are some ideas to help you remember your lost babies at this or any time of year - Ways to Remember:

Name your baby ~ Consider giving your baby a name. If it feels right or good, do it. Don't let anyone else tell you how to grieve. It doesn't matter how far along your pregnancy was or whether or not you knew the sex of your baby. This is something you can do, even years later.

Save something from the experience ~ One of the nicest things I've saved was the card and the ultrasound photos that I had mailed to my husband who was off defending his dissertation. It had actually been lost in the mail, and returned to sender. We received it about 2 weeks after we had had a D & C. On the cover of the card was a fat, giggling baby, rolling in flowers. It's a rather popular picture, and every time I see it now I think of that baby.

Create a Ritual - This was particularly helpful to me during a subsequent pregnancy. It went right along with our family Sabbath and was a special prayer form our family to say thank you for the time we had with the baby that was growing and that we were anxiously awaiting the birth. It involved a small candle and prayer. The candle stayed unlit until the very first Sabbath after the birth of that baby.

Hold a service ~ Have a memorial service for your baby. Again, no matter how long you had your baby, it's still a part of you and recognizing this publicly can be very healing. It can also allow your friends and family a chance to learn to express themselves and help you.

Send announcements ~ I've received some of the most beautiful announcements. The first one I received, I was shocked and amazed. The mother explained that she was relieved not to have to tell everyone in person, and yet it was a public way to announce the birth/death of their daughter and ask for community support.

Buy something special ~ For my last pregnancy loss, we knew nothing of the baby, and the pregnancy ended so early and violently, we had no mementos or even ultrasound pictures. I was out shopping and ran across a small rock. It was smooth, but not polished. It felt good and heavy in my hands. It had a simple message inscribed: Remember. Now it sits on my desk.

Make a donation ~ You can donate anything, time, gifts, or money. One of the sweetest things I've heard of is parents returning to the hospital where their child was born and giving a special blanket to the staff to be given to a baby born either around the anniversary time for that baby or for another grieving family.

Robin Elise Weiss, a mom herself and also a mom who has lost children, has attended hundreds of births and taught couples about pregnancy and birth. She is the author of The About.com Guide to Having a Baby, About.com Guide to Baby Care, Guarantee the Sex of Your Baby, The Everything New Mother's First Year, The Everything Pregnancy Fitness Book, The Everything Getting Pregnant Book, Everything Parenting Guide to Raising Adolescent Boys, The Complete Illustrated Pregnancy Companion, the The Better Way to Care for Your Baby

My Unborn Child

by Marigrace Iodice

MY UNBORN CHILD

I never got to see your face Or even give you a name

But in my heart, you hold a special place

And for that, I would never be the same

I’ll never hear you laugh or cry

Or hold you in my arms tenderly

I’ll never know the color of your eyes

But I will still love you endlessly

I never got to hold your hand

I never got to sing you a lullaby

I will never come to understand

Why murderers run free and innocent souls die

I’ll always have my suspicions

Why God took you from me

All these unanswered questions

That would burn inside of me

Forever saddened upon this Earth

Crying for you, my unborn child

Never blessed by your birth.

But I’ll be here, unable to smile

You are my shining light in heaven

For one of God’s angels to love Until I get my wings to descend

She’ll take care of you, for me, in Heaven above

You’ll be my Guiding Light to Heaven’s Gate

Where I’ll get to see your Angelic Smile

And even if I never got to see your face

I’ll know in an instant that you are my unborn child!

From Grief to Joy - A Mother's Thought on our Annual Retreat

Joyce received this from a mom who attended our annual retreat a few weeks ago in February 2011. Joyce wanted to share it with all of us and has received Pam' s permission to include it in our blog... Pam's 18 yr. old son Alex ended his life July 7, 2005 and I think Pam's note speaks volumes about the benefits not only of participating in the retreat but what each of us gains from the sisterhood of sharing this journey with other moms on the same path, supporting each other as we go....I hope you enjoy it as much as I did..

~ written by Pam Ozsoy, Prescott, AZ 2011 ©

I recently attended a wonderful retreat for mothers who are grieving the loss of a child, no matter how long ago. I was very reluctant to address the loss of my child, as I never discuss it with my family for fear of hitting a raw nerve or with friends who can’t understand my loss. I truly was blessed to have Joyce Floyd, the founder and leader of the grief group, Journey from Grief to Joy, contact me and encourage me to attend, she wouldn’t let me come up with an excuse to back out!

I car-pooled with 2 other women. The retreat was held at Stagecoach Guest Ranch in Yucca, AZ. We arrived a bit late; everyone had already checked in and was participating in the tea party when we walked in. I was over taken by the amount of women present and realized that I was a member of this club, yes, I experienced the trauma of losing my son, it became so realistic to me that I was a statistic. I was somewhat in shock, looking like a deer in headlights, the women around me saw my distress and comforted me and told me it was OK. They made me feel welcome and comfortable.

We had a daily schedule and were expected to participate in all of the activities. The guest speaker was Lynn E. Paulson, PHD. She is a life coach and motivational speaker and lives in Alaska. Her topic was “I Can See Clearly Now”. Do you remember that song, it is by Johnny Nash? It would be great to review the lyrics and see how you can apply that to your grief journey.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies

The grief process is not the same for everyone; we do not go in order of the stages. We experience different stages of grief at different times. The important thing is to realize that what we are going through is a normal part of grief and that grief is a life long journey.

The emphasis of the retreat was to share information about our children, each one of us had our turn to talk about our loss, how our child died, how old the child was. and the date the death occurred. We also had a treasure table where we placed a picture of our child and a small item belonging to our child that had significant meaning. We shared stories about our child that brought us joy. It felt as though our children were living through us.

I came away from this retreat with a new mind set. During the retreat I realized that I felt that honoring my child meant holding on to the grief and beating myself up, referring back to the song, this was my obstacle. This was how I held on to my child, by practicing self-defeating ideas. Would my son want me to live this way? Don’t we feel that all of God’s children are entitled to live a self-fulfilling life and be the best they can? So why am I stuck in this rut?

The mind is very powerful and a self-talk can make us or break us. The rainbow is that my son is in Heaven with our Holy Father. He is there experiencing more love, joy, and peace than we could ever imagine. He is looking down on me wondering why is my mom living in so much pain? Would he want me to focus only on the pain of his death, is that honoring his time on earth? For me that answer is NO! We had a beautiful love with a bond that will never be broken. He was my gift from heaven, a gift that was on loan as we all are. There are 18 years of life for me to celebrate, why am I reliving his death on a daily basis instead? I realized that this is not giving any meaning to his memory or who he was.

Yes, he isn’t here and it hurts. But I want to recall memories of when he was little, how he grew, what he did and said. Remember the love and kindness and the overflow of empathy. His athletic ability, he was a gifted golfer and made a hole in one ! When he was a teen, every morning he would ask, “What’s for dinner, Mom? “ And then after dinner he would say “Appreciate the effort” (meaning, not so great.) or “Good Effort, Mom” (He liked it). How precious is that?

So I have moved from Grief to Joy. I want his memory to bring me joy and thankfulness that he was my child. Pam Ozsoy, Prescott, AZ 2011 ©

Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton ~ The loss of a child crosses beyond all barriers-social, financial, cultural.. As many of us know, this wonderful ballad was written by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings about the horrendous pain Clapton felt following the death of his four-year-old son, Conor. According to Wikipedia and other sources, Conor, died after falling from a window of the 53rd-floor New York apartment of his mother's friend, ten years ago today on March 20, 1991. Clapton, who arrived at the apartment shortly after the accident, was visibly distraught for months afterwards understandably - even today, this song is considered one of Clapton's most successful.

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way

Through night and day,

'Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,

Time can bend your knees.

Time can break your heart,

Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,

There's peace I'm sure,

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong

And carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven.

A new view of grieving

No doubt since the death of our child, someone has been kind enough to share with us that we must all go through the “normal stages of grief” and then kindly list them for us.… These “stages” were defined as a result of many studies, but the most popular seemed to be based on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's which resulted in her book: On Death and Dying (Scribner), which was published in 1969.

Although much of that is probably still true, more recent research seems to suggest – as we very well know from experience, that for most people, grieving is rarely a straight passage through discrete phases ending in healing.

To those of us who have gone thru this, we know that this grief journey is a constantly changing pattern, that seems to jump out at us when we least expect it, catch us off guard and then retreat again for brief periods of time, allowing us to catch our breath, some say it's like a roller coaster ride and others compare it to one of those scary houses we may walk thru in a carnival - but no matter how it is described, we often feel as though we have no control over our own reactions....

I came across the following article and I want to share it with you because I think it helps to validate how grief really feels – not nice and neat in a fixed set of “stages” like those we heard about when we got pregnant – but the reality of what we feel and experience. Cherie Houston

Dr. Holly Prigerson states that grief it tends to occur in fits and starts, sometimes quickly, sometimes over a number of years. The way it unfolds varies dramatically, too, depending on whom you've lost and the nature of your relationship. Perhaps more surprising, research suggests that whomever a person is grieving for—a well-loved parent, spouse, friend or child—human beings are surprisingly resilient.

Holly Prigerson, Ph.D., is the director of the Center for Psycho-Oncology and Palliative Care Research at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, and as a result of a study she has done with hundreds of mourners, she discovered that while nearly all people go through a very rough period where they cry, long for the loved one, have difficulty eating and can't concentrate, 85 percent start feeling somewhat better in about six months. Even more hopeful, there are steps everyone can take to help the recovery process along, regardless of whom you're missing.

A new view of grieving - Like life itself, grief isn't something that unfolds neatly, starting on cue with denial and continuing until the mourner reaches the final stage, accepting that the person is gone. In Dr. Prigerson’s two-year study of mourners, Prigerson found that rather than denial or anger, most mourners feel an acute sense of yearning and sadness throughout that fades and eases as time passes.

"There's no orderly progression of Kübler-Ross's hypothetical phases," Prigerson confirms. "It's more accurate to say that the emotions associated with grief exist simultaneously, then slowly decline as feelings of acceptance rise," she explains.

Moving on after losing a child - A "New Normal"

It seems to me that I have posted this article in the past, but personally it's an article that I read often.. Yes, March 19th will mark 18 months since our 36 year old son Bobby died, and March 17th will mark 40 years since my first daughter, my beautiful infant daughter, Randee Marie, died.. Sometimes it's hard to believe that 3 of my 5 children have died, but they have and there are moments when each of their deaths feels as though it was just yesterday... Personally, I think we are continually facing and recreating our "new normal" as the author of this following article so eloquently puts it... Despite my sadness, I also want to talk about all the joy in my life - today is special, because today, March 16th, our family is celebrating Randee's twin - our son Ric's "40th birthday"; tomorrow March 17th-the 40th anniv. of Randee's passing-we will celebrate her namesakes 8th birthday-Ric's daughter - our granddaughter Randee Marie; and in a few days, we will celebrate our new grandson Liam Roberts 2nd month birthday on March 19th - so life is very good today and yes we have our new normal and it is better than I could have believed it would be - we are learning to appreciate what we have in our "new normal".. Enjoy-Cherie Houston

~ By Cathy Babao Guballa (10/29/2000 Issue © 2000 Philippine Daily Inquirer)

LOSING a child has been described as the worst kind of loss anyone could possibly go through, a searing and unspeakable pain. The emotions that accompany a loss of this magnitude is much like plumbing the depths of an abyss, not knowing if one will ever be able to climb out of it one day, unscathed and whole. When a child dies, a part of the self is cut off and many bereaved parents like to use the metaphor of an amputated limb.

I once read an account of a father who had lost his only son and his words were poignant. "For the amputee, the raw bleeding stump heals and the physical pain does not go away. But he lives with the pain in his heart knowing his limb will not grow back. He has to learn to live without it. He rebuilds his life around his loss. We bereaved parents must do the same."

A "New Normal": The first year after a child's death is the most difficult. In any loss, the first "everything" is always tough. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are guaranteed to trigger a deluge of pain and tears.

It's been two and a half years since my son died and yet the ache remains. Like amputation, parental bereavement is a permanent condition. The hopes, dreams and aspirations you had for the child now gone is lost forever.

The pain, though, subsides with the passage of time in a way. The adage "Time heals" has somehow proven true, though when my mother, who had been widowed for close to two decades, first told me about it, I was incredulous and refused to believe that it was even a possibility.

Two years down the road, when I meet friends whom I haven't seen since Migi's death, the first question that invariably crops up is "Have you recovered?" My response to that query is usually a knowing smile, quietly thinking to myself, Does anyone ever really recover from the loss of a child, or a loved one for that matter? Perhaps "recover" is not quite the correct term. I'd like to think that "moving on" is more like it. Bereaved parents eventually find resolution to their grief in the sense that they learn to live in their new world.

Dennis Klass, professor of bereavement studies at Webster University in St. Louis, Missouri, says, "Parents who have lost a child 're-solve' the matters of how to be themselves in a family and community in a way that makes life meaningful. They learn to grow in those parts of themselves that did not die with the child. They learn to invest themselves in other tasks and other relationships. But somewhere inside themselves, they report, there is a sense of loss that cannot be healed."

From my own experience, I have learned to make the loss of my son a part of my life, and to try to forge a new meaning out of it. In the first year after he died, I would often ask myself, "What is the meaning to the loss?" I would crack my brains trying to make sense of his death. I had to find a reason, a meaning to it, or else I felt his death would have been in vain.

After a loss, be it a child, a parent or a sibling, life can no longer return to normal. Instead, in its place, a "new normal" is established. This is what I have found most helpful in my grief work these last couple of years: finding that new meaning and building a new life around the loss has helped me tremendously in moving on after his death.

For many of us, it is very difficult to let go of the pain because we sometimes equate letting go with forgetting. However, I've learned that healing, or letting go of the pain, does not mean forgetting because moving on with life does not necessarily mean that we don't take a part of our lost love with us.

Helping yourself thru the grief journey

Thank you to Sandy Olan, Hingham, MA for sending me the following article which she has found helpful since the death of her infant son, Jeremy.  This was written by Nyomi Graef

ACCEPT THAT GRIEVING IS NORMAL - It’s normal to cry, get angry and have emotional outbursts more so than usual while we’re grieving. Emotions usually settle down in time, although they might be triggered in future if particular things remind us of the loss.

ALLOW OURSELVES TIME TO GRIEVE - How long the grieving process lasts depends on a number of things. Take the loss of a loved one. How close we were to them, the types of memories we shared and how the person died are some factors that can affect how long we mourn.

SURROUND OURSELVES WITH GOOD FAMILY AND FRIENDS - Spending a lot of time alone while you’re grieving can make the feelings of loss worse. Keep in regular contact with people you love and trust.

DO OUR BEST TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL DESPITE THE LOSS - I know a lady who lost her father when she was quite young. She told me that although she misses her father and feels the loss, he would want her to be happy. After his death she made a conscious decision to do her best to live a happy and fulfilling life despite the tragedy. The late Australian conservationist Steve Irwin said a similar thing when discussing the passing of his mother during an interview before his death.

KEEP BUSY - As bad as the pain may be, do your best to do something productive and worthwhile, and have a normal routine, while you grieve. Be kind and patient with yourself if you aren’t as productive or accurate as you usually are – it’s normal.

MAKE TIME FOR THINGS WE ENJOY - When we lose something or someone we love we might not put enough time aside to enjoy ourselves. To help us heal emotionally, it’s important to still do things that boost our spirits. Walk, play sport or computer games. Listen to uplifting songs that help heal the pain. Visit friends and family. Watch comedies – whatever it is that you like.

HAVE FAITH - People who have faith can turn to it to help them through a loss. Believing that God or “The Universe”, for example, has a “grand plan” for each of us, and loves us, can help us mourn.

HAVE CONSTRUCTIVE BELIEFS - If you believe life will never be as good after the loss, this is likely to come true for you. If you believe that you can, in time, find happiness after the loss, you are more likely to seek-out joy in life and be happy again. Thoughts, beliefs and philosophies are creative, so choose these wisely to be as happy, healthy and successful as you can.

GET HELP IF NEEDED - Friends, family, counselors, support groups, forums, books on grieving and articles about grief on the internet can be good sources of help, support and advice during the grieving process. You are never alone. If you’re losing or gaining too much weight, having digestive problems, severe mood swings or any other emotional or physical problems caused by grieving, seek help before your health is at risk.

Healing Hearts After the Death of a Child

The death of a child has been described as the most devastating event that can happen in a woman’s life, affecting how she responds to the world as an individual, how she responds to her partner, and how she responds to her surviving children as a parent.

Many women state that they learned to love by loving their child. Caring for children, watching and helping them grow, worrying over their problems, and celebrating in their successes is a central part of a mother’s daily experience. Mothers see the future, themselves, and eternity in their children.

“My child has died. It must be my fault. Clearly, all the things that are wrong with me are the reason. I deserved this to happen. I can say ‘no! I did not deserve to have this happen’. I can say it over and over. But still the same voice way deep inside of me says ‘yes, I did, because…’ Fighting that voice takes a lot of energy—something most of us don’t have an oversupply of when we face the death of our child. Yet I believe that this fight is essential. None of us deserved to have this happen to us. No one deserves to lose a child.” Quoted from The Bereaved Parents Survival Guide, J. Rothman

When your child has died, you may feel an oppressive sense of failure, a loss of power and ability, and a deep sense of being violated; you may be overwhelmed with grief, anger, and guilt. Your body may feel like a stranger to you; it may look different and act differently. You may forget simple things; you may be unable to think abstractly.

Perhaps you feel overwhelmed; you've tried to understand what and why this has happened. Maybe the loss of control has left you feeling terrified. Perhaps you wonder if you are going crazy.

Impossible as it may seem, from this intense pain positive responses can emerge. As your grief is processed, a heightened sense of spirituality, increased sensitivity to others, closer relationships, and a commitment to living life can be experienced.

This was written by “ ♥ Project Joy and Hope in Texas for their annual retreat in 2009 “TAPESTRY: A MOTHER’S RETREAT” email: joyandhope@aol.com.

The bonds that never end……

~ by Cherie Houston

To me and for many of us who unwillingly have joined this club of moms whose children have died, the bonds that we had with our children who have died, often seem as strong as they were when they were alive.  Yes the bonds are now different, but the fact that the bonds are still there seems as natural as our love for each of them..  

Believe it or not, for those of us who have lost a child, the relationship we had with them continues on long after their deaths, just differently than when they were alive ~ whether for that unborn child and all the hopes & dreams they carried with them, for those of us with adult children and all those little ones in between...  Yes-the bonds are still there...

It certainly surprises me sometimes, how often I find myself talking to my children, especially to my son who was addicted to the telephone from the time he was a little boy..  Part of it is habit I suppose ~ he called more often than any of our children so maybe that's why the conversations continue-although one sided now...  But like so many moms I talk to, there seems to be a certain peace when we talk to our children who are gone, and yes some of us talk to our children more often than others.  And we often find ourselves including special memories of them during conversations about our other children or life in general; and many of us continue to celebrate days that were special to them, such as their birthdays….  

For most of us, we seem to find that those bonds, however expressed, are quite melancholy and can bring on a wide range of emotions, including warmth and comfort and in just moments, sadness and heartache… Amazing how even months and years later, a day can be filled with many memories that generate various emotions that can cause smiles and tears…  Bonds with our children begin when they are conceived and most of us agree that nothing, including death-unless our own, can break those bonds…And for that I’m grateful…

During meetings of other moms who’ve lost children, it’s not surprising to hear:

“My alone time in the car is when I talk to him most often and I can actually feel his presence”…

“She seems to be all around – it’s a sense that I have – I can’t explain it, but it’s as though she’s beside me nudging me on and encouraging me to smile…”

“I carry her license in my wallet. Whenever I need strength I hold it and it gives me the strength and motivation to go on”.

“I gave away most of her things, but I’ve kept a few of her favorite toys so I can hold them and remember her playing with them, especially her little yellow car….”

“I go back to the hospital often to volunteer – it gives me a sense of peace to know that it really happened ~ that he was really here with us and it’s not all just a dream”

“On his anniversary we went to the very spot where he died – I’m not sure why, and I’m not even sure it helped – but it was something we had to do – and for a moment I felt a sense of relief and peace that I can’t explain – just for a moment… 

"She is still the first person I speak to when I close my eyes at night and often the first person I think of in the morning, which gives me the strength to go on..."

MOTHER PLEASE DON’T MOURN FOR ME

~ Author Unknown

MOTHER PLEASE DON'T MOURN FOR ME

Mother, please don’t mourn for me,

I’m still here, though you don’t see.

I’m right by your side each night and day,

And within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone, but I’m always near,

I’m everything you feel, see or hear.

My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart,

As long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I’ll never wander out of your sight,

I’m the brightest star on a Summer night.

I’ll never be beyond your reach,

I’m the warm, moist sand when you’re at the beach.

I’m the colourful leaves when Fall comes around,

And the pure white snow that blankets the ground.

I’m the beautiful flowers of which you’re so fond,

The clear, cool water in a quiet pond.

I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the Spring,

The first warm raindrop that April will bring.

I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,

And you’ll see that the face in the moon is mine.

When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,

You can talk to me through the Lord above you.

I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,

And you’ll find my presence in the soft Summer breeze.

I’m the hot salty tears that flow when you weep,

And the beautiful dreams that come when you sleep.

Just look for me Mom, I’m everyplace.

A FABLE

~ Author Unknown

There once lived a family who felt that God had especially blessed them. They had health; they felt secure in their love of God and their love for each other.

On the mantle of the fireplace stood a vase. It was a strong, sturdy vase – attractive but not extravagant. It had been a wedding gift and to them, it symbolized their family. It had with-stood the bumps of moving and toddlers’ antics as the family had withstood the buffets and ordeals of life. The scars and chips could be detected only on very close scrutiny.

The day the oldest son in the family died, the vase was found on the mantel, shattered into many pieces. No one bothered to gather up the pieces. It was left for some time in its broken condition on the mantel.

After some time had passed, thought was given to putting the vase back together. Little enthusiasm was generated, but eventually the task was begun. The family worked together, each adding a piece or a suggestion about getting it mended. Each one of the family members got discouraged and more than once some one of them was heard to say, “It just can’t be done.”

Finally, after many months, the vase was back in its normal pace on the mantel. To the casual observer, it looked strong and sturdy and no one would guess it was less than perfect. But, on closer examination, it obviously had been shattered and put back together, and on turning it around, one could see that one large piece was permanently missing. It had never been found and served to remind the family that, although their hearts could mend and heal, their lives would never be the same.

As bereaved parents our hearts are broken and can never be the same. Our hearts will always have the cracks but also a piece is missing that can never be replaced.