Grief can often act like quick sand, pulling us down little by little - and from time to time we feel as though we are beginning to suffocate-can't catch our breath.. Yes, Grief is "so all consuming" - being numb is all we can feel and we often find in those first few weeks, months and even years that we don't seem to have the mental or physical ability to change that sinking feeling... But we do ..
Moving forward is never about forgetting - it's about living again and appreciating all that surrounds us and saying thank you for who and what our child was.. Eventually we realize that the old adage is so very true: "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" - yes we are thankful we had our child even if it were only for a few short months in the womb and never met them - or were blessed to have them in our lives for longer......
Healing and Moving forward - happens so very gradually. But you will know when you are beginning to heal and moving forward, when you are beginning to feel "alive again" when these elements begin to ease their way into your life - not all at once - but little, by little..
- Try to remember, try not to forget
- Good memories (I remember when…..stories) are very important
- Time can result in either healing or infection
- You need support from both inside and outside your family
- Faith – prayer – community of faith: where would you turn without them?
- Learning about the experiences of others gives insight into your own story
- Assume whatever you are going through is normal
- Be sensitive to the fact that people grieve differently
- Share the pain of your darkness
- Sharing with those who’ve been there has a special meaning
- Feel free to protest the WHY of death
- Take time and space for yourself; work through any guilt you feel in taking this time
- Take time to laugh and take time to cry
- Take the initiative and make things happen for yourself: work, activity, exercise.
- Life never will be like it was before
- You’ll need to create a new life, make new choices, and develop new friendships
- Reach out and help others. Beware of dwelling ONLY on yourself
- Confront guilt by realizing you did the best you could
- You must realize your loved one has died. He or she is not ‘just away.’
- Through dreams, visions and other means, it’s possible to experience the comforting and reassuring presence of your loved one
- Don’t be afraid to ask God (and your child) for a sign
- There’s nothing wrong with talking to your loved one
- People who’ve been down the road before you can be symbols of Hope for you
- Your experience of death may cause others to make significant changes for the better in their lives and relationships.