Moving forward is certainly not easy, but it is something that is necessary after this devastating loss of our children. There is no doubt that moving forward takes time; it is not something that happens in those first days, weeks, months or even during that first year - when you know in advance it's going to take time - you can give yourself the permission you need to mourn and grieve. But eventually "moving forward" is as necessary as breathing if we are to survive and thrive after this terrible loss of our child.. This topic was covered quite directly recently in two of the daily emails I received from “griefshare”.
GriefShare is something I joined shortly after my son Bob died in 2009 and I am now in my second year of receiving their daily emails – it’s always amazing to me how they seem to hit home and speak to me on certain subjects exactly when I need them… Check them out – it’s easy to subscribe and just another little thing that helps remind me that my grief and how I’m feeling is normal and we all need that reassurance… We all have those days when we believe without a doubt that we are going crazy, but we aren't.. We are simply mom’s whose children have died and we are hurting beyond belief… Cherie Houston
This is a combination of 2 emails that reminded me again about “moving forward”…
To move on means (1) you have to acknowledge that things will never be the same again, and (2) you have to redefine and adjust to God's plan for your life now. Letting go of a lost loved one is tough, especially when the love is deep, and he or she has filled a need in you that was never filled until you met that person (this is especially true when it is our own child).
"To really admit to yourself, 'This person is gone, and life's got to go on, and I've got to buck up and turn the corner and get going,' is probably one of the toughest transitions in the grief process," says Dr. Joseph Stowell
It would be dangerous to drive down the street if your attention were focused solely on the rear view mirror, looking at what is behind. Grief tends to make you look to the past, to what you lost. The pain of that loss, it's true, will be with you forever, but to move on, you must focus on the future as well as on the past.
"You can either stay in that grief, or you can move on. But you will move on with the grief," says Linda, whose baby was stillborn. "You always have that, and you can't expect that one day you won't ever feel sorry that you lost a loved one. That will always be part of you."
Yes - just as we would wish for our family to "move forward" when it is our turn to make that final trip home, I believe with all my heart that "moving forward" is what our children who have died before us, would want for each of us and all whom they love. They would certainly not want us to be stuck in the horrible pain that grief brings, but instead celebrating and enjoying all that life has to offer and taking their memories with us along for the ride...
For more information or to join GriefShare and receive their daily emails, go to:
http://www.griefshare.org/
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