Pennies from Heaven

As we celebrate Memorial Day - I thought you might enjoy this little poem/reminder of messages from heaven which was sent to us by Sharon Flesher- enjoy it and enjoy this wonderful holiday.. 
This was written by Charles Mashburn.

I found a penny today

Just laying on the ground,

But it's not just a penny

This little coin I've found.

Found pennies come from Heaven

That's what I've been told,

By Angels watching over us

From their clouds of gold.

When an Angel thinks of you

They toss a penny down,

Sometimes just to cheer you up

To make a smile from your frown.

So don't pass by that penny

When you're feeling blue,

It may be a penny from Heaven

That an Angel's tossed to you.

"In God We Trust" is not a phrase

Just printed on a penny,

It's something to remember

When your troubles seem like many.

So when you're down and it seems

Your life has a blue tint,

That penny on a sidewalk

May be truly Heaven "cent." .

Surviving the suicide of a child - How do I move on?

Coping with a child's suicide strikes a blow that leaves the parent asking many questions and arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice. The parents may feel responsible for the child's death no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel they have lost a vital part of their own identity. Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in the United States, ahead of both homicide and AIDS, according to the Bereaved Parents of the USA.

 

The key to finding peace is to eventually find some kind of meaning in what feels like a senseless disaster. Parents who found meaning reported less mental distress, happier marriages, and better physical health than parents who hadn't made sense of their children's death.

 

Where do I find the help I need to acquire this peace? Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies, so the best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. And coping with a child's suicide will leave you asking questions that no one else would ask regarding any other kind of death, whether a loved one or friend. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain: 

• Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses
• Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process. The question why, with or without a suicide note left by your child, will haunt you for months or even years as you strain to gain understanding of the dynamics of this suicide. As you search for answers, read about suicide, evaluate what you read, and apply what you have learned. You will examine your life and coping techniques, which is also a natural part of any bereavement. The why will grow less urgent
• Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief
• Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again the present and not dwell on the past
• Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs, or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss
• Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life and you have to be patient with others, but especially with yourself
• Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to work through your grief. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

 ~~From: http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/surviving-the-suicide-of-a-child-faq.htm

 

An Affirmation of Those Who Have Lost

~~~Dr. Jim Miller

I believe there is no denying it: it hurts to lose.

It hurts to lose a cherished relationship with another,

or a significant part of one's own self.

It can hurt to lose that which has united one with the past,

or that which has beckoned one into the future.

It is painful to feel diminished or abandoned,

to be left behind or left alone.

Yet I believe there is more to losing than just the hurt and the pain.

For there are other experiences that loss can call forth.

I believe that courage often appears, however quietly it is expressed,

however easily it goes unnoticed by others:

the courage to be strong enough to surrender,

the fortitude to be firm enough to be flexible.

the bravery to go where one has not gone before.

I believe a time of loss can be a time of learning unlike any other,

and that it can teach some of life's most valuable lessons:

In the act of losing, there is something to be found.

In the act of letting go, there is something to be grasped.

In the act of saying "good-bye," there is a "hello" to be heard.

For I believe that living with loss is about beginnings as well as endings.

And grieving is a matter of life more than of death.

And growing is a matter of mind and heart and soul more than of body.

And loving is a matter of eternity more than of time.

Finally, I believe in the promising paradoxes of loss:

In the midst of darkness, there can come a great Light.

At the bottom of despair, there can appear a great Hope.

And deep within loneliness, there can dwell a great Love.

I believe these things because others have shown the way--

others who have lost and then have grown through their losing,

others who have suffered and then found new meaning.

So I know I am not alone:

I am accompanied, day after night, night after day.

~~ Adapted from the writings of Jim Miller, author of What Will Help Me: 12 Things to Remember When You Have Suffered a Loss. and How Can I Help?

How to Make It Through the Night

Often those of us who are grieving, pretend during the daytime that our loved one is simply away or working; special occasions make that harder to do. But the nighttime can often be the loneliest time – the loneliness for them can descends like a shroud and there is no escape – e wonder how we can get to sleep more easily and how do we handle those long hours in the middle of the night when we wake and can’t get back to sleep?

Over time, lack of sleep or fitful sleeping can take a toll on physical well-being. Author Marta Felber knows from personal experience that nights can be long and sleepless following the death of a loved one. Here Marta shares what she did to sleep better and stay healthy after her husband’s death. How do you cope with grief and insomnia? These are some ideas for getting to sleep and surviving the long nights ~ By Marta Felber

STICK TO A REGULAR SCHEDULE. Have a set time to go to bed, a radio alarm to wake you at the same time every morning. Get up, regardless of how little sleep you have had. Maybe take an early afternoon nap, not longer than 30 minutes; set the timer.

GET REGULAR EXERCISE EVERYDAY, but not within 3 hours of going to bed. Exercise relieves stress and may help you relax and fall asleep.

AVOID CAFFEINE AND ALCOHOL. Caffeine is a stimulant that can interfere with sleep patterns. In addition to regular coffee, there are measurable amounts of caffeine in chocolate, some soft drinks and non-herbal tea. Alcohol also disturbs sleep patterns.

EAT LIGHT AT THE EVENING MEAL. Have a carbohydrate snack about an hour before bedtime. Also try a glass of milk.

AVOID SLEEPING PILLS. It is too easy to become dependent and too difficult to get off them.

GET SUNLIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON. It helps your body’s natural clock let you sleep at night.

CREATE A SLEEP-PRODUCING ATMOSPHERE. Low lighting, soothing music, a tepid bath, deep breathing, visualization of a beautiful setting, relaxation of body muscles or inspirational reading. Develop a nightly ritual of the things that work for you.

BESIDE YOUR BED, for those long wakeful hours, put dull reading material, a journal to record your feelings or dreams, note cards, a note pad for “to do” lists, a manicure set and a radio for late night talk shows and music.

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, go to the kitchen and make hot chocolate, adding marshmallows. Sip slowly, listen to the night sounds, look for the moon, the stars. Remember that nighttime is a good time for crying, and crying is healing.

You only need to get through one night at a time. You can do this. When you wake during the night, you will determine if you need to cry, get busy, prepare food or just feel God’s presence and a place of peace. Morning will come.

A Baby’s Secret

~Author Unknown

I’m just a little person;

And I didn’t quite make it there’

I went straight to be with Jesus

And I’m waiting for you here.

Don’t you fret about me, Mommy,

I’m of all God’s lambs most blest;

I’d have loved to stay there with you,

But Our Shepherd knows what’s best.

Many dwelling here where I live

Waited years to enter in;

Struggled through a world of sorrow

And their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet Mommy don’t you sorrow,

Chase the gloom and wipe the tears;

I went straight to Jesus’ bosom

May your heartache disappear.

To Love and to Mourn

~Alan D Wolfelt, Ph.D from Understanding Grief, Helping Yourself Heal
When someone you care about dies your capacity to love dictates your necessity to mourn. Work with thousands of bereaved parents, combined with my personal losses, have convinced me of one thing: you cannot heal without mourning or expressing your grief outwardly. Denying your grief, running from it, or minimizing it only seems to make it more confusing and overwhelming. To lessen your hurt, you must embrace it.

Reconciling your grief does not happen quickly. Grief is a process, not an event. Consequently, you must be patient with yourself. When you come to trust that pain will not last forever, it becomes tolerable. Deceiving yourself into thinking that pain does not even exist will make it intolerable.

SPRING MAGIC AND YOU!!

Written by Mary Cleckley, BP/USA

As I sit and admire the beautiful lush growth of the trees this spring, I feel renewed. The long and arduous winter we had all over the country had made me wonder if, indeed, the trees would be able to perform their magic this year. A late Spring freeze, after many trees had budded out, had hurt. Some trees were also showing the results of a storm late last fall. In the woods back of my home, the tops of several oaks were broken by the intense winds. The damage is obvious. The still hanging dead limbs and leaves stand out by comparison to the chartreuse color of the new leaves.

We have learned from past experiences that the pines, so plentiful in the South are particularly vulnerable to the forces of nature. We are accustomed to the wind and ice storms taking the tops out of many of them. But it was a surprise when the storm didn’t affect the pines; instead, it took the tops out of many oaks. The oaks are sturdy and as a rule, can stand much of what nature has to offer. They are dependable and deep rooted.

Does what happened to the trees not remind you of what happens to a bereaved family after the death of a child? It takes even the oaks among us and tears the heart out of us, leaving us damaged. For a long time, the damage done is obvious. Our limbs are not necessarily broken but our hearts surely are. The most dependable and sturdy among us are brought to our knees and it is hard to imagine that new growth will ever take place again.
As I look at the oaks back in my woods, I know that one day those dangling dead limbs and leaves will no longer be obvious. They will eventually fall to the ground and nature will set out to repair as much as she is able. As with broken tree limbs and broken hearts, nature will not be able to repair everything perfectly; scars will remain and the shape of the trees and our lives will never be the same. Our recoveries will differ, however, for the trees will continue doing what only they know how to do: grow acorns and replace limbs. We, on the other hand, not only have the opportunity to grow, but also to change in many ways. One does not suffer through such pain without learning valuable lessons about that is important and about priorities.

As the spring revived the trees, let some of the magic spill over on you. Learn to grow in important ways. The pines among us will not learn, but the oaks surely will. When you say your prayers, pray to be an oak.

Comfort Quickies: Self Care While Grieving

~ From the Center for Grief Recovery ~ By Chris Rothman, Ph.D.

During grieving, it is common to need breaks from our emotions. This in no way dishonors the seriousness of our concerns and the memories of our loved one. These ideas may give you some additional nourishment to respond to the stress that comes with grieving. Treat yourself

• Lie in the sun streaming in through your windows. Bathe, breathe in the sun.
• Designate an afternoon or evening and take the phone off the hook.
• When you are worried or obsessing, set up a specific time of the day to "worry" for 20 minutes. Set a timer. When the time is up, do something rewarding for yourself.
• Do something you're good at. It is important to ground yourself in your skills and abilities, even if the outcome isn't up to par (trouble concentrating and decreased zest are common in grief).
• Comfort yourself by taking a warm bath using your favorite scents, and burn aromatherapy candles. It's invigorating and relaxing at the same time.
• Buy yourself or your loved one a gift—and have the clerk gift wrap it. Choose the prettiest paper and bow. Celebrate fond memories.
• Wrap up in a warm blanket. Put on relaxation tapes and sip your favorite tea or hot chocolate.
• Dressed in comfortable clothing, find a rocking chair and rock your troubles away.
• Play music that matches your mood. Feel understood by the songs and singers that share your experiences.
• Especially when you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, forget about making to-do lists. Instead, at the close of each day, make a list of what's been done.
• Burn Russian amber or sandalwood incense.
• Find something alive to care for, such as a plant or a pet.
• Eat at least one nourishing meal each day, even if the food doesn't hit your taste buds like you're used to.
• Make a fire in the fireplace and do some stretching and focus on yourself. You can add your favorite soft music to this, if you wish.
• Breathe—really breathe! Take deep breaths in through the nose and slowly out through the mouth.
• Say "No" to something… and "Yes" to yourself.
• Try gentle exercise like yoga, tai chi, or walking.
• Spend some time in nature.
• Make a memory box, collage, or journal to store your thoughts and memories.

Regrets & What If's

Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can't build on it: it's only good for wallowing in. ~~Katherine Mansfield

For most (if not all) of us who have lost a child – there is regret and there are the “what-if’s”.. I thought this segment from “If you Want What We Have” by Joan Larkin is a different way of looking at this topic…


Our comment might be: Someone I hoped would be an important part of my life for years to come has left. I'm devastated. I don't know how much of what happened is my fault; I keep thinking, "If only I hadn't said what I said . . . "


Instead consider this: Human lives are filled with all kinds of separation. Friends, mates, and family members - the people in our lives are only lent to us. If they accompany us for some part of our journey, we're blessed. We don't get to control or keep them.

Sentences beginning "if only" can go nowhere but straight to regret. They support our false belief that we can control what happens in other people's lives. "I should have," "I could have," and "I would have" are all variations on the same theme. They postpone acceptance and necessary grieving.

At times it's we, ourselves, who do the leaving. We can count it a success, not a failure, when we've had the courage to acknowledge the truth of an ending.
 Today, though I may go through some pain as I learn acceptance, I rejoice in the strength and clarity it gives me. ~~ Joan Larkin

Two little reminders...

I usually don't pass on the little stories we often receive on our emails, but I felt this one was absolutely worth sharing which has 2 very important reminders that we often forget...
Cherie Houston

First, and foremost, something we tend to forget: God doesn't give us the people we want; He gives us the people we NEED... to help us, to hurt us, to leave us, to love us and to make us into the person we were meant to be.

Second - Did you Know that Women have One Flaw (I didn't realize we did either)....


Women have strengths that amaze men...
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream and sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in and stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, If There Is One Flaw In Women, It Is That Women Forget Their Worth

It’s Important To Remind Yourself (and the women around you) Just How Special You & They Are

Troubled Thoughts

This was taken from http://www.griefshare.com/ - if you are not familiar with this website, you can register (free) to receive daily inspirational thoughts via email for one year - so many find these helpful on their journey.  this is one with we thought you would enjoy...

You do not need to be constantly burdened by sorrowful thoughts.

"Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught" (Psalm 55:1-2).

Author, speaker, and humorist Barbara Johnson lost two of her sons. She shares how God gave her a special memory of one of her sons to replace the bad thoughts that were overwhelming her. She says: "The memory is so special that when I talk about my son and I think about it, God windshield-wipes the pain, and I can enjoy the other memories and think on things that are good and happy and fun and pure. And God, in time, does erase the painful memories. It's so important to think of the fun times."

Ask God for a special memory of your child to replace the negative pictures in your mind. Focus your thoughts on that special memory. Share it with others, and treasure it.

Lord God, remind me of the happy memories, the fun times, and the laughter, and may those memories bring a smile to my face and to others around me

It's Mother's Day (Part 9 of 9)

IT'S ANOTHER MOTHERS DAY
~~ written by Judy A. Sittner, from HOPE LINE

Another Mother’s Day!
But a different one this year.
For, you see, I am a Mother
but my child isn’t here.

I am a Mother who is hurting for
this child who was so dear,
as I face this and other occasions
each and every year.

I am a Mother who feels an emptiness
over and over again,
because I miss THIS child and
all that could have been.

I am a Mother who cared as I
watched my child grow
and truly loved her more
than anyone will ever know.

I am a Mother who has memories

and many tears to cry --

over regrets I’ll have to live with

until the day I die.

I am a Mother who is thankful

for the miracle of birth

and all my child taught me about life

and my own self-worth.

I just can’t stop being a Mother

because my child isn’t here,

because the love we had for each other

will continue for years and years.

And so--on this special “Mother’s” Day, I will feel within my heart,

all the pride, love and joy which are the parts that make me

who I am and what I’ll always be.

A MOTHER…….just remember that…….please?

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 8 of 9

Surviving a Child on Mother’s Day~~Erma Bombeck

If you’re looking for an answer this Mother’s Day to why God reclaimed your child, I don’t know. I only know that thousands of Mothers out there today desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted to go through the elation of carrying a child and then lose it to miscarriage, accident, violence, suicide, disease or drugs.

Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind.

From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being. It’s a promise we can’t keep. We beat ourselves to death over that pledge. “If I hadn’t worked through the eight month.” “If I had taken him or her to the doctor when he had a fever.” “If I hadn’t let him use the car that night.” “If I hadn’t been so naïve, I would have noticed he was on drugs or needed help with depression.”

The longer I live, the more convinced I become that surviving changes us. After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt and despair are tempered by time, we look at life differently. While I was writing my book: “I Want to Grow Hair, I want to Grow Up, I want to Go to Boise,” I talked with Mothers who had lost a child to cancer. Every single one said that death gave their lives new meaning and purpose.

And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely road that they had to travel? ---their dying child. They pointed their Mothers toward the future and told them to keep going. The children had already accepted what their Mothers were fighting to reject. Even those children who died a sudden death are able to spiritually touch their parents and help them live on.

The children in the bombed-out nursery in Oklahoma City have touched many lives. Workers who had probably given their kids a mechanical pat on the head without thinking, that morning were making calls home during the day to their children to say, “I love you.”

Joy and life abound for millions of Mothers on Mother’s Day. It’s also a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no Mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.

In the face of misery they ask, “Why me?” but there is no answer. Maybe they are the instruments who are left behind to perpetuate the lives that were lost and appreciate the times they had with their children. They are the ones who help pick up the pieces when tragedy occurs and others have lost their children.

May you all find peace in your hearts on this Mother's Day..

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 7 of 9

~~ by Mary A. D. Petrino - In Loving Memory of Julia Kenney Teresa Petrino, August 8, 1984 - June 9, 1999

For those who have experienced the loss of a child, Mother's Day becomes less about mothers and more about children. Often, there are painful memories of profound loss. Sometimes, there are joyful memories of a precious child. Always, there is the realization that this one special life has forever changed the life of the mother. On Mother's Day, the absence of our children is a void we try to fill with memories - a handmade card from long ago, a special photograph from happy times, a song once loved and shared - but the memories can never replace the presence of our children.

Mysteriously, we have been called to walk a different road together - one without our children. As we might observe other families experiencing what we had once enjoyed on this special day, we might feel envious. We cannot delight in the pleasures of a Mother's Day brunch or family outing that celebrates the joy of being the mother of such a special child. Why were we asked to carry this burden of being separated from the person who gave us the title of "mother?"

Perhaps there are no answers adequate enough to satisfy each one of us. That is what makes life as well as motherhood such a great mystery.

Recently, at a meeting of In Loving Memory [the TCF satellite group for parents with no surviving children] a strange question came up for discussion: "What benefit, if any, has resulted from the death of your child?" Some people thought immediately that the question was a mistake. Others though that the question should be thrown out. Some others asked why we should not consider this question - perhaps it had some merit.

Perhaps benefit is expressed in each individual child's legacy - through contributions, research, scholarships or other good works carried out in loving memory of our children. Perhaps another benefit is the perspective each of us brings to the support group. Certainly, Alive Alone, In Loving Memory, and The Compassionate Friends are what they are because of who we are - and who are children are - and because we honor their memory.

Not all of us shared the same set of beliefs, but we all believed that our children were the greatest influence on our lives. They were the ones who "gave birth" to the persons who became their mothers. They changed us from the day they entered our lives. Their lives and their deaths have changed our lives for the rest of our lives. So perhaps the greatest legacy of our children is in the person we have become for each other, for those we support through Alive Alone, In Loving Memory, TCF, as well as for our families, our friends, and our communities.

Many, many years ago, another young mother lived in a remote village, far from the center of what was considered the civilized world. Her only son grew up and learned to practice his father's trade. After years of working quietly at home, he left and began traveling through their country, teaching and healing the crowds of who came to hear him. But his message and his miracles threatened the established traditions of his day, and the local leaders feared his influence among the people. Ultimately, his mother, who followed him everywhere, watched her precious only son suffer and die the most horrible death known at that time. But before he died, he told his followers, "Love one another as I have loved you." As he died, he commended his mother's care to his dearest friend.

So, his mother found the key to the mystery of how to continue after his death. His mother understood the way to honor her son and his memory. His mother followed his teachings and kept his memory alive for his friends. Perhaps we might learn from her, and follow her good example, for she was the most perfect mother of all time.

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 6 of 9

WHAT GRIEVING MOMS WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY  ~~   TheComfortCompany.net Offers 10 Simple Ways to help Moms Cope When Mother's Day Hurts - www.thecomfortcompany.net

Acknowledgement is what grieving mother's want most for Mother's Day - Many people don't knwo how to help a grieving mom - we hope these suggestions will help, but remember most Mothers will ask "Recognize that I am a mother".

“While Mother's Day is generally considered to be a day of celebration, for many women it is a day of pain and loss” says Renee Wood, former social worker and founder of The Comfort Company. "It's important to remember those moms who have had a failed pregnancy or who have lost a child at any age."

In response to the survey results, thecomfortcompany.net issued this list of ten simple ways to reach out to a grieving mother on this difficult holiday.

1. Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a card to let them know you remember they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.
2. Acknowledge they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.”
3. Use their child's name in conversation: One mother responded, "People rarely speak his name anymore, but when they do it’s like music to my ears".
4. Plant a living memorial: A tree or rose bush, like memories, will grow in beauty as the years pass.
5. Visit the grave site: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's grave site and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.
6. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.
7. 
   Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and a favorite memory with them".
8. Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers felt a small gift would be comforting. Suggestions included: an angel statue, jewelry, a picture frame, a library book or toy donation in the child’s name or anything personalized.
9. Don't try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés that attempt to explain the death of a child. ("God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ("You still have two healthy children").
10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered.

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 5 of 9

DEPRESSED ON MOTHER'S DAY~~ By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

 

May women become depressed on Mother's Day because of infertility, death of a child or children, having children who are soldiers fighting overseas, struggling with an illness in the hospital, or imprisoned (convicts have moms, too!) or other family estrangement. These ways to cope may ease sadness and despair for moms that are tinged with tragedy or sadness.

 

When Your Children Aren't Around on Mother's Day - A child's death or teen suicide can shatter a family or community and cause moms to dread this day in May. Some mothers find comfort in their living children - but some can't move past their grief. If you know someone who has lost a child, remember her this Mother's Day. Give her a call, sympathy card, or an invitation to spend some time with you. Reach out to her; you may be the only one who does!

 

4 Ways to Help Cope With Depression on Mother's Day

 

Losing a child isn’t easy and whether this loss was recent or many years ago, Mother’s Day is one of those reminders that can bring us back to overwhelming grief and sadness. Consider these tips to help make the day easier to bear and even enjoyable!

• Let yourself grieve. Denying or fighting your sadness makes it worse, and isn't physically or emotionally healthy. Give yourself time to mourn. Go for a solitary walk or drive – invite your partner or loved one if that's comforting. Take some quiet time to reflect and honor your memories.
• Express your emotions. Whether you like to write, paint, exercise, or garden – do something to get your emotions out of you. Yell, scream, take deep breaths, whisper, punch pillows. Connect with God or the Universe.
• Reach out to those you love. If you've lost your child, smother your remaining kids with hugs, kisses, and sincere appreciation. If you've lost your mom, shower your attention and appreciation on your mother-in-law, aunt, or even an older friend. To ease depression on Mother's Day, show people you love them.
• Focus on what brings you joy. Jump into what you love to do! Dig in the garden, go to a funny movie, or get out of town for the weekend. Savor life, because you know that's what your loved one would want you to do.

Excerpts from: Suite101: Depressed on Mother's Day: 4 Ways to Cope With Sadness and Despair http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/mothers_day_blues#ixzz0kjQSNBgm

 

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 4 of 9

SAVOR THE MOMENTS...

Though you may be sad & sorrowful and miss your child – it’s important to remind yourself that you are still alive and just as importantly, you still have family and friends who are alive - who deserve our love and attention.

So now is the time to be with those you love and care about – not just in the physical sense, but truly be with them and enjoy every moment of time with them..

Saddness and sorrow, if allowed, can rob us of precious moments with those who love us, those who are still here.  If we allow that to happen, it is unfair to those who love us and it is unfair to ourselves and certainly doesn't help to honor the child or children who have gone before us..

Surround yourself with happiness and life: family members, close friends, colorful flowers, a tail-wagging dog or purring cat – surround yourself with those things that make you happy and make you smile. 

For every moment of life – even the sorrowful ones – is a miracle

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 3 of 9

Celebrating Mother's Day After the Death of a Child (Part 2 of 2)

~ By an ehow.com contributing writer (www.ehow.com/how_2123318_celebrate-mothers-day-after-death.html)

 Use the following suggestions to guide yourself or another mother who has lost a child to try to find ways to celebrate on Mother's Day.

5. Plant a tree on Mother's Day to watch it grow through the years. Take your photo with the tree each year on Mother's Day as a remembrance of your child. Maybe you would prefer to grow a flower garden that would have many colorful blooms that would represent your child's favorite colors. Add a new plant to the garden each Mother's Day in remembrance.

6. Talk to a mother who has lost her child. Many times, people don't talk about the child that died and this makes the mother or parents very sad as they know that their child did exist. Just simply ask them if they would like to talk about their child. Some mothers may really want to talk about their children and others may not. Take the mother a plant or a Mother's Day card.

For those of us who are blessed to have other children - this last suggestion is the most important... too often we become so absorbed with and in our grief that we unintentionally overlook the blessings we still have..

7. Concentrate on your other children on Mother's Day if you have other children.
Write a poem together or plant a flower together and talk to them about their sibling as, no matter how young or old they are, they also feel this tremendous loss.

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 2 of 9

You will alwasy be a mom, some tips on how to Celebrate Mother's Day After the Death of a Child (1of 2)

~ By an ehow.com contributing writer (www.ehow.com/how_2123318_celebrate-mothers-day-after-death.html)

Sometimes the world doesn't turn like we think it should. That's the way it looks to a parent whose child has died. To those parents or those mothers being able to get through a day that is supposed to be a happy day of celebration, Mother's Day, it can be an emotionally painful ordeal. Use the following suggestions to guide yourself or another mother who has lost a child to try to find ways to celebrate on Mother's Day.

1. Remind yourself that you are a mother even if your child has died. Especially if it was your only child, the loss of a child, no matter what age, is devastating. Concentrate on the good times you had with your child or baby and not on the death. Plan ahead of time what you want to accomplish on Mother's Day to honor your child. Don't wait until the day as it will be too emotional. Planning ahead is the key to getting through the day and feeling better about it each time you do it.

2. Put some photos together to hang or display in your home. Select photos that bring a smile to your face. Go a step further and compile a scrapbook of all the special times and memories with your child. This may be difficult at first to get started, but as you move along with the project, it should give you a sense of joy and comfort to honor your child this way.

3. Join support groups that specialize in parents that have lost a child. You will meet other parents and mothers that have lost a child or baby. No one understands better than someone who knows the pain that you feel. Plan to celebrate Mother’s Day as a group to support each other.

4. Make a donation to an organization that helped your child while they were still alive, maybe a hospital, a library or a church that offered support. Do something positive for another child as a remembrance for your deceased child, especially if it is a child who has lost its mother.

Preparing for Mothers Day - Part 1 of 9

~~ by Cherie Houston

The month of May is here - spring is in full bloom and the promise of warm summer days around the corner, but for those of us who have lost a child or children, no matter how or when the death occured, whether during pregnancy or adulthood, the thought of Mother's Day can be daunting.  So during these next 9 days we hope that the information we share will help you in some small way to celebrate Mother's Day. 

Remember - no matter how long you enjoyed your child - from the moment they were conceived - you became and will always be a mom... 

PRAYER FOR MOTHERS DAY AFTER THE DEATH OF A CHILD


My life is upside down, loving God. The order of the world is out of place and I can’t do anything to right it again. Oh, Lord, you know the pain in my heart at all times and you know why: my child has died. How can it be that my beloved child is gone? The child I cared for with such concern in every illness, the one I held close to my heart and promised to take care of for a lifetime, is not here for me to care for anymore. It hurts deeply that I wasn’t able to protect this child I love with my whole being from a death that seems so unfair.

Let me feel calm. Let me breathe deeply. Be with me in this kind of deep and transformative pain. I now carry this darkness with me on my back and in my heart, always. It is my burden and my companion.

Lord, there is not a single minute of my life when this loss is not etched so keenly into my brain and heart, whether it is in the middle of a busy day or in those choking moments of grief in the solitary dark of night. Let me be grateful for every minute we had together. Let me treasure those memories and find joy in them.

Help me to deal with people better. They don’t know what to say. They stumble and look away when they see me. They pretend nothing has happened. I know they “don’t want to remind me” but they don’t understand it is with me always, always.

Teach me, Lord. Tell me what you want me to do with this. What am I supposed to learn from this kind of pain? What are you calling me to do?

Open my battered heart and lead me to comfort and peace. Only you can give me the peace I need. Let me feel your presence in my life.

~~ Prayer from Creighton University