Acknowledgement is what grieving mother's want most for Mother's Day - Many people don't knwo how to help a grieving mom - we hope these suggestions will help, but remember most Mothers will ask "Recognize that I am a mother".
“While Mother's Day is generally considered to be a day of celebration, for many women it is a day of pain and loss” says Renee Wood, former social worker and founder of The Comfort Company. "It's important to remember those moms who have had a failed pregnancy or who have lost a child at any age."
In response to the survey results, thecomfortcompany.net issued this list of ten simple ways to reach out to a grieving mother on this difficult holiday.
- Recognize that they are a mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a card to let them know you remember they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.
- Acknowledge they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.”
- Use their child's name in conversation: One mother responded, "People rarely speak his name anymore, but when they do it’s like music to my ears".
- Plant a living memorial: A tree or rose bush, like memories, will grow in beauty as the years pass.
- Visit the grave site: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's grave site and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.
- Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.
Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heart felt letter about my child and a favorite memory with them".
- Send a gift of remembrance: Many mothers felt a small gift would be comforting. Suggestions included: an angel statue, jewelry, a picture frame, a library book or toy donation in the child’s name or anything personalized.
- Don't try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés that attempt to explain the death of a child. ("God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ("You still have two healthy children").
- Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered.