DO IT YOUR WAY

~ ~ By: Mary Cleckly TCF, Atlanta, GA

I think it’s only fair to tell you-there is no “Bereaved Parent of the Month” award, nor an award for the one with the stiffest upper lip. In fact, what you will find if you try to be the most stoic, brave and strong, the one doing too well, is instead of reward, you suffer the consequences.

It is not possible to lose someone as vital as one’s child and not have the pain of deep grief. You will find a great many non-bereaved people will encourage you to play the old “If you’ll pretend you’re okay and it’s not really so bad, we’ll let you come play with us. But, if you’re going to cry and talk about your dead child, then you can’t play” the game with us anymore.

This is one time in your life you don’t have to meet anybody else’s standards. There is nothing more unique about you than the way you express your grief, and you have that right, however it is manifested.

So, if someone tries to influence you to play the old game, tell them you’re not doing well, that your child has died and you’re hurting. Let them know it doesn’t help you for them to ‘pretend’ everything is okay.

Do whatever it is you need to do to survive this trauma, and don’t worry about whether it pleases or displeases other people..

..Do It YOUR Way.