The death of our children is the most difficult event and pain we will survive. But when that death is of your only child - the pain in unspeakable...finding peace and joy again takes time as this moms recounts...
Rosemary’s son, Arthur, 9, was hit by a car while waiting on his bicycle to cross the street at the end of the driveway on Dec. 7, 1986. The first few days I went through the motions of preparing for Arthur’s funeral. Then I went through the phase of not sleeping and eating. I would wake up at night and think, “ Maybe he’s alive.”
I went to a therapist but he didn’t know what to do with me because he had not experienced the death of his child. He finally suggested Compassionate Friends where I met people who could help me with the grief process. I had a “screaming-meemees” crying fit about four months after Arthur died. I think if any of the neighbors had heard me they would have called the police to have me committed. Then I remembered someone saying at the support group that they had this experience and when it happens you should just go with it. It really did release the pressure.
All the big days became a source of renewed pain - Christmas, Easter, Halloween, the first day of school, birthdays, death dates and to this day I go away on Mother’s Day.
I began to hate going to the supermarket. If I went down the cereal aisle, I would encounter the Cheerios Arthur used to eat, and in the cookie aisle it would be the Oreos he dunked in his milk at night.
After taking a fall my doctor said, “Ro, do you understand you might have permanent paralysis.” I replied, “I’ve been through the worst, nothing else can happen to me.”
By spring I was angry. Daffodils were emerging and Arthur always brought me my first daffodil of spring. I wanted to stomp on the daffodils! But this time I dug up the daffodils and took them to Arthur at the cemetery.
Whatever the season or stage of grief the support group was there, a place to talk about your feelings, how one can break down in tears for no apparent reason, and how to respond to questions about your child.
We really have a need to talk about our children who died. My biggest fear is that people will forget my child. I really appreciate getting cards and/or phone calls near Arthur’s birth and death days.
I recommend belonging to a support group as the bereaved parents become your extended family. You make a lot of friendships there with people who are sensitive to your feelings. You learn that crying is OK.
I also recommend that newly bereaved parents try to do a project in the name of your child. I bought a bookcase for the library of the middle school where Arthur would have attended and had his name put on it. Each year at Christmas or on his death anniversary I ask relatives and friends to purchase books and make donations to his library.
You may want to plant a garden in memory of your child. Do something positive in memory of your child.
From: http://www.alivealone.org/ - a support group for bereaved parents who have lost their only children…
My son Passed over in a motor cycle accident this year April 19, 2011 it was the worst day of my life. He was and is my one and only. I have not stopped crying sence that day. I dont think I ever will. I was woke up by a phone call a lady on the other end asking if I had known whos number she was calling me from I assumed she had known she called me but then I got a cold chill I knew it was Brandons phone and she was wanting me to tell her who I was. I asked her if she was calling from my sons phone she told me he had been in an accident and to come to the hospital she wouldnt say anymore I rushed there hoping it was just a broken arm or leg. That wasnt the case. They had been working on him for fourty five min before they had called me... I begged them to let me see him I thought somehow I could bring him back if he could just hear my voice, when I walked in I begged pleaded with him but I could feel his spirit was in the room but not in his body his eyes half open machines beating on his chest nothing monetering his heart beat because there was none nothing monertering his brainwaves because they knew they put on act for his family so we could say goodbye to me that was cruel to them it was a job I hate them for what they put us through beating on his chest with that foul machiene I know my son was in that room but not in that body I could have gone without the drama I could have loved on him and told him goodbye without all of the barbarrc noncence they put us through I live with that every day I just needed to say goodbye to my precouse 21 year old love my beautiful son, so when I made them stop I kissed his eyes I kissed his cheeks I kissed his nose his ears, eyebrows, shoulders, arms, every finger, tattoo, leg, kneecap chin, foot, toe's forehead, mouth, and said goodbye to my sweet boy. I still talk to him I still pray to him I know he is in heaven and I cry every day, I miss him so very much. I will never get over this, but I know I will see him soon I will be with him again someday.
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