Families gather for both sad and happy occasions. Happy times and sad times often bring families closer together - but after the death of a child, these gatherings can be difficult and painful, unless we prepare ourselves for them...
During the Holidays, just like weddings, graduations families gather to celebrate. During these times, everyone is expected to be happy. Relatives and friends want you to join in as you have in the past. But now, without your child being happy and joining in seems too painful..
Understand that during these gatherings, having family around is healing - it helps to have their support, bu then moments later the same gathering can become overwhelmingly painful reminders of our child that is not present and will never be. Knowing in advance that these feelings are normal can help prepare you - you aren't going crazy, you are grieving..
Yes, family and friends usually provide the most comfort and listen as we try to cope with the loss of our child. But understand, that even our closest of relatives and friends cannot completely understand the hurt we feel. Families and friends who love us, want to...
to take our pain away ... to offer us HOPE for better times ... to see us "back to normal again" ... to help us "forget about what happened." - but if we know and accept these things ahead of time, knowing that they nor we can do any of this, then it is easier not to judge them for not understanding...
So if you realize and accept, before these gatherings, that..... no one can take your pain away ... there will be better times, but they will be different without your child ... your life does not feel like it will ever be "normal" again ... you will never forget your child.
Then, with time, we will find our own "new normal", we will cherish and smile at the memories of our child and build new memories, and that in time as we continue on this journey, we will again rejoice that we were blessed to have had our child and we will find hope, joy and peace in our hearts once again.
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