DESIDERATA FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

~Adapted by Stephanie Weber-Slepicka

• Go peacefully.
• Amid the holiday craziness and rushing, remember that you do not have to participate at anyone else’s pace but your own.
• As far as possible without giving away a piece of who you are, be on good terms with those who matter to you.
• Speak of grief quietly and clearly, whenever you feel like it; allow others to listen to you tell your story again and again.
• Stay away from those who drain you and be with those who give you a sense of peace.
• If you compare your grief with the grief of others, you may become faltering and discouraged; always there will be people in different stages of grief.
• Know that you are where you need to be for YOU.
• Keep interested in your own plans and your own life.
• Exercise caution in activities and traditions. Take care of yourself; be good to yourself. Set time limits on outings and events. Accomplish a few things and then rest. You heroically survived a death; you can heroically survive a holiday.
• Be yourself. Cry when you feel like crying. Talk about your loved one when you are so moved. If “the world” can’t handle a name or a memory, then the world will have to learn, as you are learning. Don’t be bitter when someone talks of love. Love is still a rare and precious gift.
• Listen, if you are able, to those of us who are farther down the road in our grief and healing. We walked where you are now walking. We remember that searing intense pain. It has gotten better for us. It will get better for you.
• Nurture yourself. Take a break from all the “whys” and “what ifs.”
• Fatigue and loneliness are not your friends. Reach for a tired peacefulness and some time alone.
• Be gentle with yourself. You are a survivor of a terrible of a terrible trauma.
• In the noisy confusion of the holiday season, strive to be at peace with yourself.
• In spite of all that you have faced, it can still be a beautiful world. Find new meaning in the words and events of this season.