Saturday, July 31, 2010

The overwhelming pain of losing an infant

~~ Cherie Houston

Today I remember my beautiful daughter Robin Marie whose stay was so very brief - only 7 months -Robin was born December 29th, 1971 and we lost her to S.I.D.S. on July 31st, 1972.  As I reflect I can't help but think of all of all the moms who share this special ache - Lisa, Jessica, Kristin, Nikki and countless others - you know who you are - the pain is always there, just below the surface - remember that special little someone who is misssing...

The ache of a young mom is different - I know because I've lost a newborn, and then a 7 month old and last fall a 36 year old and they are all very different.  The ache for a newborn and infant - that  is an ache that resonates throughout our bodies, not only in our hearts but deep within our wombs.  There are times, when we actually think we can feel that faint flutter, you remember - the one that reminds us of that very first sensation - that caused such overwhelming excitement - you wanted to scream to the world "I'm gong to be a mom".  And when we lose a child - of any age - we lose a future - dreams - hopes and endless possibilities that will never be and the loss of memories that will never occur... BUT....

There's no doubt, that once we conceive that precisous child - we are moms and will forever be moms - no matter how young or old - no matter how long we are allowed to enjoy them here on earth - we, from the moment of conception, are moms...  I'm not sure who sent me this poem or when I received it, but it is in with those special memories I had tucked away with her sister Randee Marie's (Randee had died the previous March '71) and Robin's things and I wanted to share it with those other "new moms" who are feeling that ache...

Tiny Footprints on a Mother's Heart

When a baby arrives,
be it for a moment, day, month, year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed...
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

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