Is Crying a Requirement in Grieving?

I just came across this article that I'd cut out some time ago.  So many articles we've shared like this one, are just simple reminders that "grief is unique" the way in which we grieve is different for each and every one of us.  There are so many variables (who we lost, the circumstances, who've we've lost before, our past experiences with grief - yes there are so many variables)

Grief and the grieving process will also change along the journey - like each river that flows - grief charts it's own course - there are no hard & fast rules, and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve.  Like it or not, we will each find our own way and when it's someone else's turn remember that love and patience is what they need most - just being there for them is what counts...  Cherie Houston

Question - My 34-year-old son died last year after a three-year bout with cancer. I miss him terribly, but I haven't cried about his death. Is this normal?

Response from Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

Grief is a universal human experience. Your response to grief may be highly individual, however. Crying is an important part of the grieving process for many people, but a lack of tears doesn't necessarily indicate that the grieving process has gone awry.

Many factors affect the grieving process, including:

§  The nature of the relationship with the person who died

§  The quality of the relationship

§  The time you had to prepare for the loss

§  Your own personality

It's OK if you don't feel like crying. You may simply need time and space to grieve your son's death in your own way. It's important to make sure that you're dealing with your feelings appropriately, however.

If you're isolating yourself, you're having trouble completing your usual daily activities or you feel like crying but can't, consider seeking the help of a grief counselor or other mental health provider. A counselor may suggest various behavior therapies to help you re-establish a sense of control and direction in your life. You may find comfort through a support group as well. In a few cases, short-term use of antidepressants or other medications may be warranted.

The grieving process commands respect and requires time. However, unresolved grief can lead to depression and other mental health problems. If you're concerned about reaching a healthy resolution to your grief, seek the professional help you deserve.

How to help someone whose child has died.

So many experiences in life don't come with "sets of instructions" as to what we should and shouldn't do - when a close friend or family member experiences the tragic loss of a child, it is more important than ever to do (or not do) certain things in a loving and caring manner.    Paula Janowski from Queens, New York sent this to me hoping we could share these comments from other grieving parents.  Paula's hope is that together we might be able to create a master do & don't list, which we could circulate to hospitals, clergy and funeral homes that might help family and friends learn how they can be more supportive - because we know the death of a child is unique and like no other... so if you have a tip you'd like to share, please send it to me...Cherie Houston

How to Help Someone whose Child Has Died...

When someone we care about experiences the death of their child, no matter the age or circumstances of the death ~ whether the loss was due to a miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or other cause of sudden infant death ~ whether the child was a toddler, teenager or adult – it is their “child” and the heartache is overwhelming.  As a loving family member or friend there are things that you can do to help them through the difficult and challenging time of grieving....

First and foremost – do not avoid the family – parents who have gone thru this experience always say when friends and family avoided them, even though they knew they were probably just unsure of what to say or do, it only added to their pain and the isolation they felt. We hope the following suggestions are offered to assist you:

DO’s

·         Do get in touch and let your genuine concern and caring show.

·         Do be available to listen, to help with the other children, or whatever else seems needed at the time. Offer help with practical matters like house cleaning and meals.

·         Do say you are sorry about what happened to their baby and about their pain.

·         Do allow them to express as much grief as they are feeling at the moment and are willing to share. Accept silence; if the family doesn’t feel like talking, don’t force conversation. Follow their lead.

·         Do encourage them to be patient with themselves, not to expect too much of themselves and not to impose any “shoulds” on themselves.

·         Do allow them to talk about their child and share with them your own favorite memories of their child..

·         Do give special attention to the siblings of the child that died, again no matter the age.

·         Do reassure them that they did everything that they could, the medical care their child received was the best, or whatever else you know to be true and positive about them as parents.

·         Do encourage them to seek outside help, either from a health professional, another bereaved parent, their clergy or a support group.

·         Do – and this is so important - remember the family on their child’s birthday, anniversary of death, Mothers Day, Fathers Day and other occasions.

·         Do be patient with them. Coping with the death of their child may take a long time, longer than the grieving process for other adults, including parents, siblings and friends, so it[s important that you stay in touch.

DON’Ts

·         Don’t let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to the bereaved family.

·         Don’t avoid the family because you are uncomfortable.

·         Don’t say you know how they feel (unless you’ve lost a child yourself, there is no way you can know how they feel.)

·         Don’t pry, especially asking for details about the child’s death. If the family offers information, listen with understanding, but realize how difficult this is for them to relive those days and/or hours repeatedly.

·         Don’t tell them what they should feel or do or impose your religious or spiritual views on them.

·         Don’t change the subject when they mention their dead child - they want and need to talk about their child and not just today but in the months and years to come....

·         Don’t point out that at least they have another child; or could have more children in the future.

·         Don’t blame anyone for the death. Don’t make comments which suggest that the care they were getting, whether that was in the hospital, emergency room, at home, treatment program – whatever or wherever, was inadequate.

·         Don’t try to find something positive about the child’s death. Avoid clichés and easy answers – there are none.

·         Don’t avoid mentioning the child’s name out of fear of reminding them of their pain.

·         Don’t say “you ought to be feeling better by now” or anything else which implies a judgment about their feelings, or sets time expectations or limits their healing process – the death of a child is unlike any other…

Grandparent Grief-Helping Your Grieving Child (Part 1 of 3)

GRANDPARENT GRIEF-Helping your Grieving Child (Part 1 of 3)

~ by Margaret H. Gerner

I am powerlessness. I am helplessness. I am frustration. I sit with her and I cry with her. She cries for her daughter and I cry for mine. I can't help her. I can't reach inside her and take her broken heart. I must watch her suffer day after day.

I listen to her tell me over and over how she misses Emily, how she wants her back. I can't bring Emily back for her. I can't buy her an even better Emily than she had, like I could buy her an even better toy when she was a child. I can't kiss the hurt and make it go away. I can't even kiss even a small part of it away. There's no band aid large enough to cover her bleeding heart.

There was a time I could listen to her talk about a fickle boyfriend and tell her it would be okay, and know in my heart that in two weeks she wouldn't even think of him. Can I tell her it'll be okay in two years when I know it will never be okay, that she will carry this pain of "what might have been" in her deepest heart for the rest of her life?

I see this young woman, my child, who was once carefree and fun-loving and bubbling with life, slumped in a chair with her eyes full of agony. Where is my power now? Where is my mother's bag of tricks that will make it all better.  Why can't I join her in the aloneness of her grief? As tight as my arms wrap around her, I can't reach that aloneness.

What can I give her to make her better? A cold, wet cloth will ease the swelling of her crying eyes, but it won't stop the reason for her tears. What treat will bring joy back to her? What prize will bring that happy child smile back? Where are the magic words to give her comfort? What chapter in Dr. Spock tells me how to do this? He has told me everything else I've needed to know.

Where are the answers?  I should have them.  I'm the mother.

I know that someday she'll find happiness again, that her life will have meaning again. I can hold out hope for her someday, but what about now? this minute? this hour? this day?  I can give her my love and my prayers and my care and my concern. I could give her my life. But even that won't help.

I wrote this piece out of deep feelings of powerlessness. It seemed that no matter what I did, I could not take away my daughter's pain at the death of her 3 year old daughter, Emily. Were that not enough, I was devastated by my own grief at the loss of my precious granddaughter.

I could relate to my daughter's pain. I, too, had lost a child. In 1971 my six year old son, Arthur, was killed by an automobile. At that time there were no support groups that I knew of. I didn't know how to grieve or that what I was feeling was normal. I thought I was losing my mind. The psychiatrist I saw after Arthur's death reinforced my belief by giving me drugs for my "depression".

I tried to do what people told me to do; count my blessings and be "strong." That meant not talking about Arthur, not crying, and not expressing any other emotions I felt. The result was five years of distorted, prolonged grief which eventually had to be resolved with the help of a professional who had training in bereavement.

When my daughter lost her child -- that very day in the hospital, with Emily growing cold under my hands -- I swore this would not happen to Dorothy. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going to do everything possible to help her. I knew what she had ahead of her.

I was shattered by Emily's death, but my grief lessened sooner than Dorothy's. Since Emily was not my child, I recovered many months ahead of my daughter. What didn't lessen was seeing Dorothy's pain. That continues, at times, even today.

As a parent of a grieving child, you have a unique opportunity to cement a deep and lasting relationship with your child.

ü         You have the opportunity to walk with your child through the most difficult life experience they will endure.

ü         You have the opportunity to help your child in a very special way and the bond that forms will never be broken.

ü         It will not be easy, and the process is long and hard. You will feel powerless, frustrated and helpless many times.

But you CAN help!

~ Reprinted from "Centering Corporation pamphlet For Bereaved Grandparents".
 This series is continued in our next Blog Posting – Part 2 of 3, on October 1, 2012

THE BOAT

I've heard this :story: several times since I joined our Moms Bereavement group in November 2009, shortly after the death of my son Bob who had ceelbrated his 36th birthday just a few weeks before with his wife, 2 little boys andmy husband and I...  To this day it continues to remind me of the different phases of our journey and whether we are grabbing someones hand to help pull us into the boat or we are extending our hands to someone who needs help - it emphasizes again the critical importance of surrounding ourselves on this journey with others who understand, who will listen to our pain, to our stories... no matter how long it's been since the death of our children, we all need "a hand to get into the boat" and catch our breath...  I can't say thank you enough to the many hands who have helped keep me afloat through the years... and I hope in turn my hand has helped someone else.....Cherie Houston

~ by Samantha Adams, BP, Australia, in loving memory of her son, James

THE BOAT

When we lose our children, we begin a journey. It starts on a stream and each one of us gets into a boat. At first, the river is too fast and unfamiliar. We have no strength to put in the oars, but gradually we learn to row. Sometimes the current is too strong and we drift downstream again.
torrents, overcome and continue on our journey.

At times, it seems so hard– others gain courage to go on. We can look back and see others just getting in the boat and help them too, always there is someone to help us row. We are never alone in our river of tears.

And some day, when we’ve rowed and rowed, we will reach a dock and there will be our children to greet us. They will help us ashore and tell us they knew we could do it. We owe it to our children to be the best people we can.

Our children have always known that we strived to be the best people we could be.  They know they had wonderful parents, parents who loved them and still do.    Yes, we are left behind - but by living the best life we can we honor their memory.. 

So keep rowing on that river of life, and know that your child or children are always there with you.

Grandparents Grieving at the Holidays

Worth repeating for all our grandparents who are grieving for their grandchidlren (and their children who are mourning) at this difficult time of year...

Grandparents Grieving at the Holidays

~ Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

"When a grandchild dies, grandparents grieve twice. They mourn the loss of the child and they feel the pain of their own child's suffering. Sometimes we forget about the grandparents when a child dies. You can help by not forgetting, by offering the grandparents your love, support and presence in the weeks, months and years to come."

When a grandchild dies, the grandparent often mourns the death on many levels. The grandparent probably loved the child dearly and may have been very close to him or her. The death has created a hole in the grandparent's life that cannot be filled by anyone else.

Grieving grandparents are also faced with witnessing their child-the parent of the child who died-mourn the death. A parent's love for a child is perhaps the strongest of all human bonds. For the parents of the child who died, the pain of grief may seem intolerable. For the grandparents, watching their own child suffer so and feeling powerless to take away the hurt can feel almost as intolerable.

All of the “year end holidays” – Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza (and other significant days-such as the child’s birthday and anniversary of their death) can be very difficult for grandparents.  These holidays and events emphasize again the pain of the grandchild's absence. This pain and sense of loss are natural extensions of the grief process.  It can be even more painful when no one seems to “remember” but them.  Don’t hesitate to speak of your grandchild – others may not want to make you sad, so they may feel it is better not to mention the name – when you do, it allows them the chance to remember with you…

If you know of a grandparent who has suffered this most horrific loss, remember that parents and grandparents alike almost always enjoy hearing the child’s name and are grateful when others remember their child - Your visits, notes or even a quick phone call from someone who “remembers the child” is so comforting, appreciated and offers healing for their broken heart.. It’s wonderful to use the name of the child who died in your personal note and in talking to the grandparent.

Hearing that name can be comforting, and it confirms that you have not forgotten this important child whom the grandparent loved and misses so much

Surviving the Holidays While Grieving

Alright - Thanksgiving is over and hopefully it was not as difficult as you imagined. For many though, the worst of the holiday season is yet to come and yes, like it or not, December 1^st is just a few days away.. That means Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years are fast approaching and we can’t stop them.. Know that no matter how hard this seems, you will get through the holidays and the more you prepare yourself and decide what you can and can’t do, the easier it will be.  Be patient with yourself and others, and there is nothing wrong with saying NO.. Cherie Houston

Surviving the Holidays While Grieving

~ By Roslyn Romeny Reynolds

The house lights are twinkling, Christmas trees glimmer out of every front window, and joyous music fills the air, but your heart seems immune to the joy. As much as you want to, you can't feel the happiness this season used to bring. All you feel is--alone. The holidays usually bring family gatherings, hours spent choosing and wrapping special gifts for loved ones, and a wonderful feeling of good will and happiness.

Yet, for one who has lost a loved one, the holidays can be one of the darkest times of the year. It can be painful to remember the special together times the holidays used to bring--and to realize that it will never be that way again.

It can be painful to see others still with their loved ones, to watch as they hold hands, or sit snuggled into each other, and to be reminded yet again that you are alone. Even the good memories can be painful. Each memory can awaken the dull ache in the chest and open the floodgates as tears flow yet again. The sweetness of the memories is in sharp contrast to the emptiness of now.

Others may try to help us by including us in their festivities, but we may not feel 'up' to joining in the celebrations. It's okay to say, "No thanks" if the thought of being at a holiday party turns your stomach. The time will come when you look forward to the chance to go out. Allow yourself to be where you are in your grieving process.

What can we do to lessen the pain, and to increase our ability to feel peace in this, the Season of Peace?

First, realize that it is normal to feel down during the holidays when you've lost a loved one. Don't berate yourself. If you're having a 'down' day, accept it as 'normal', but also admit that tomorrow holds the possibility of being a better day.

Second, reach out. Find someone you can talk to, someone who understands what you're going through, and visit. Share what helps you each get through hard times, and you'll both come away stronger. One woman suggested finding a joke, the cornier the better, to share each week. That way her spirits are lifted, and she brings a smile to the people she shares with, too.

Third, decide that this holiday season, you're going to give yourself a gift. It can be something tangible, that you wrap and put under the tree, or a new idea or habit you are going to implement that will improve your quality of life. Do one thing for yourself that will bring a smile to your face!

Fourth, determine to read uplifting literature this month. The words we read have a great effect upon us, so we are wise to fill our minds with the greatest words ever written. Of course, scripture fits the season perfectly, but in addition, there are hundreds of great books that attest to the potential and actual goodness of humanity. Read something heartwarming, and be lifted! (Of course, one to include each December is Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Better than any movie ever made of it, the book is sure to have you smiling as you read the last line!)

Lastly, find a way to lift someone else. The Christmas celebrations originated, after all, honoring the birth of One who gave His whole life for others. It could be a good deed done anonymously, or you could simply spend time with someone who is lonely or down. It's a generally accepted fact that a sure way to forget your own troubles is to help someone else to forget theirs, if only for a few minutes.

The holidays can be a painful reminder of all that is wrong in our lives. On the other hand, we can do our best to see them as a time to celebrate the Goodness that came into the world two thousand years ago--and to spread some of that goodness through our own life and to all those we come in contact with.

Roslyn Romney Reynolds wrote SOLO - Getting It All Together When You Find Yourself Alone after her husband drowned while on an outing with their three youngest children. She has since interviewed women from many parts of the country who've endured loss and gleaned seven essentials to help move through the grieving process and on to hope and healing after tragic loss.

Her book is available at http://www.roslynreynolds.com/.

Her blog is found at http://www.sistersinhope.com/.

Help a Friend whose Grieving their Childs Death

I want to thank Paula Evans from Shreveport, Louisiana for sending me the following article. Paula was searching the internet and found our blog which she reads often. When Paula found the following article she thought it might help others in her situation, who just don't know how or what to do to help a friend-in Paula's case it is her closest friend, who lost her 2 yr. old son in a horrible accident this past summer.. Thank you Paula...

~ Written by Robbie Miller Kaplan

The death of a child is a devastating loss and a life-changing event. It’s hard to know what to say to comfort the bereaved parents. Friends and loved ones may think the parents know best what they need so they might ask the bereaved to call if they need anything. While the sentiment is sincere, when asking, “Please call me,” it places a burden on someone grieving a loss; someone who can barely muster the energy to get out of bed in the morning.

I recently asked bereaved parents to share what helps and what hurts. Here’s what they’d like you to know:

Don’t avoid us; we already feel different and your absence isolates us even more.

Understand that you’ll have to give more than you’ll get; we just don’t have the energy or strength right now to do much more than take care of ourselves.

Remind us of what was so special about our child; “I’ll never forget Melissa’s beautiful smile.”

Share with us how our child made a difference; “Timothy’s courage was so inspiring, I will never forget how bravely he faced the treatments.”

Accept that we’ve changed; we don’t like it either but our experience makes us see the world from a different perspective.

Stay in touch; even if we seem unresponsive, keep up the connection. Call, email, or write a note. And don’t stop including us. Your friendship and support means the world even if we don’t seem responsive.

Don’t forget our child. Say their name and tell us stories; it’s music to our ears. Let us know how much you loved them, will miss seeing them grow, and how you too feel the pain of their absence.

Be with us even if we’re not much fun. Accompany us on a walk, go to the movies, attend a support group, and invite us for coffee. Your friendship and support is the best therapy.

It can be very hard to stay in touch with friends and loved ones in so much pain. It might help to understand that each of us has the power to truly help in the healing process. And the most helpful way to help is to be a continued presence.


Note: Robbie Miller Kaplan is an author who writes from a unique perspective as a mother who herself has lost two children. She has written How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say, a guide to help readers communicate effectively when those they care about experience loss.

What not to say to a grieving parent...

This post will end my series of posts, dedicated to grieving dads.. The following was sent to my by a grieving dad, Paul Stanley from Jacobs, Iowa - who has lost 2 children - his beautiful 5 year old daughter Samantha and his handsome young son Paul, who was only 19 when he took his own life.. Paul wanted to remind others, that often times their helpful comments, may not be so helpful...

Yes dad’s, just like us moms, have certain phrases that have been said to them since their child has died that they could have done without… Here are some of those "thoughtful" expressions that dads, just like you and I, whose children have died, could have done without.

I want to believe that none of these individuals who made such foolish comments did so with malice in their hearts – they just don’t realize that their comments can often create more pain for us, and they don’t realize that “when in doubt about what to say, say nothing” For those of us who are the recipients of such comments – let the comments go, and simply respond by saying “I pray you are never where I am today” .. Cherie Houston

"It was their time." Would that it be the "time" of anyone compelled to utter this one. No one who loses a child will be comforted by this statement.

"God wanted him/her more than you did." I'd rather have heard: "He or she is with God now."

"Don't you think that you should be getting over it by now?" This from someone whose most significant loss was her ninety-something grandmother dying at home with the family by her side.

"It's a good thing you have other children" Believe me - it doesn't help - each of our children is unique and can't be replaced - but it is a very common statement to parents in the days and weeks following the death of their child...

"I know exactly how you feel." If you haven't lost a child you don't have a clue, my friend and I pray you never do.

"Why did you have to do it?" Kevin who lost his young daughter to suicide told me how much he hated to hear this one resounding in his mind. I know what he means -- I hate to hear myself saying it, too.

"You know, you have to him him/her go." No, I don't have to, and I never will. The part of him/her that lives in my heart will stay put.

"All that anger is keeping you from healing." That might be true were "healing" an available outcome. Grieving isn't an illness that I can "heal from" Grieving is a process - a journey - and sadly the anger is part of the process - part of the journey... I don't think I will ever get over this, I just want to get through it...

"He or she is in a much better place now." His or her "place" was here for the 30-50+ years they lost. If they could have seen that their pain was temporary, he could have taken his time getting to that "better place."

"Well, you know that it's been more than (1 year, 2 years, 8 years, etc.) now." Sorry to be noncompliant but I'm still his Dad and will be forever.

"You've got to stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault. It was his/her free choice." A suicidal individual in the throes of unimaginable suffering can make a "free choice" but I don't have the right to feel responsible for missing his anguish?

"Too bad that he/she wasn't stronger." In the case of suicide, pain levels all. Experience psychache (intense psychological pain) and then talk to me about strength.

"Try to only remember the 'good times'." From a parent at a grieving conference who remarked "I never had any other kind of 'times' with my son before he died."

"I supposed that now that you have a grandson it makes up for losing your son."
What perverse logic led to that conclusion? Actually the little guy often reminds me of what I've lost and what my son's missing.

"You need help. You really ought to see somebody!" I'd really like to see my child again. That would help.

"I had a great Christmas with my family and all. Its really too bad that your daughter messed yours up!" This was said to a parent whose daughter was murdered by a drunk driver. Parents who've lost children wouldn't wish it on anybody, but maybe there are exceptions.

"Well, at least he went out with a bang." From a co-worker to the aunt of a 22 year old man killed by lightning.

"Good to see you back, time to get over it...your wife has to realize that you can't spend all your time at home...you have to treat this like a military operational loss..." From a "superior" officer to a father who lost his infant son at age 4 days.

"There was nothing anyone could have done." Few suicide grievers find any solace in this throwaway line. Maybe, just maybe, something damn well could have been done to save him!

"Did you know that he or she was mentally ill?" No comment.

"He/she must have been very disturbed to take their own life." I believe that he/she was in a tremendous amount of pain that I can't even begin to understand; I'm the one who's "disturbed" by your ignorance.

"You are young - you will have more children." But I want this child - I want the dreams we had for this child. Sadly this is a comment made all too often to parents who lose very young children or suffer miscarriages - believe me, this comment helps no one and is quite honestly, ignorant.

Be gentle - don't dwell on these or other hurtful comments and

forgive those who make them...

Helping Yourself When Your Child Has Died – Part 2 of 2

~ by Charles A. Corr, Ph.D  _ Continued from our posting on June 11th, 2011...

DRAW STRENGTH FROM OTHER BEREAVED PARENTS - Bereaved parents often report that other parents who lost children were their most effective helpers. “They knew the pain. They knew what to say and what not to say.” It may help you to seek out a local support group for bereaved parents by asking for referrals from a funeral home, hospice program or a religious institution in your area.

FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD’S LEGACY - Many parents have found it helpful to concentrate not only on what they have lost, but also on what their child has meant and continues to mean to them. They reflect on how their child enriched their lives. You can do this by thinking about the special place and meaning your child holds for you. Your life is richer because your child lived.

Your relationship with your child will now be different – that is the hard fact resulting from death. However, your child will always have a place in your heart – that will never change. Even though your child is no longer alive, you can still love that child for as long as you live. Loving in separation is no less real than loving in presence.  Your child helped to make you who you now are in your life’s journey. The legacy of your child can still help you grow; it can continue to have profound effects in your own life and in the lives of those around you.

COMMEMORATING YOUR CHILD’S LIFE - You can commemorate the life of your child in many ways. Some parents write brief poems or short stories, while others compose a journal of memories, create a garden, make a charitable donation, or establish a scholarship in their child’s memory.

Other parents commemorate the life of their child by buying or making a special present on their child’s birthday, holidays or other gift-giving occasions. They then donate the present in the memory of their child to a poor youngster or to a charity. In this and other ways, you can maintain an important connection with your child and keep his or her memory and legacy alive in your own life.  You can often help yourself best by accepting support and love from those who love you and who knew and loved your child, as well as by helping others who turn to you for support and love.

Everyone who loved your child will be affected by his or her death. All of them still need to feel loved, secure, and like they are an important part of your family. Shared hugs and tears are great ways to say, “We still are a family, the child who died remains a part of our family, and in spite of everything we all continue to matter.”

~ Charles A. Corr, Ph.D, is Professor emeritus, Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, and former Chairperson (1989-1993) of the International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement. Dr. Corr’s professional publications include 22 books and more than 80 articles and chapters on a wide variety of death-related topics.

Heeding the Call of Life

~ by Father Arnaldo Pangazzi~

There is a tremendous wisdom that is accumulated in one's encounter with grief, and it needs to be shared. Healing takes place when we turn our pain into a positive experience and we realize that helping others is the key to helping ourselves.  When that happens our problems don't look so big.

We expand on new found strengths and we discover that as one door closed, many others have opened. The road to recovery from grief, therefore, is to take time to do things which will enable us to give meaning to our lives (and the lives of those we are grieving). That's when our journey through grief becomes a journey of discovering ourselves, our potential and our resources in the encounter with life.

That's when we become BETTER people rather than BITTER people. In grief, no one can take away our pain because no one can take away our love. This call to life is to learn to love again.