Insights on Grieving By Zig Ziglar

Zig Ziglar is an author and considered by many to be the most incredible motivational speaker ever - his life experiences are a continual inspiration to so many - this short list are from his book, Confessions of a Grieving Christian - We hope you will find some, if not all, helpful on your journey...

Acknowledge the grief and allow the process to occur.

 Don’t impose limitations.  Grief is intensely personal.  Don’t try to control how you or others grieve.

 Don’t expect grief to be logical.  Allow for contradictions…..the laughter, the moments that sadness is forgotten, sometimes, the sense of relief when death finally comes.

Recognize miracle moments and other evidence of God’s comfort:  A burst of joy in an otherwise sad season, a song or some other reminder of the loved one in a way that eclipses the sadness.

PRAY..… TALK TO GOD about the needs of your family and ask Him to help you not feel alone in your grief. 

Don’t make any effort to hold back the tears.  It is not a question of being brave.

Do not forget the person who has died or deny the intricate ways the person was a part of your life.

Allow the grieving person to just TALK.  Don’t be afraid to give HUGS in silence.

It is never too late to write condolences.  Often, a letter received months later comes at the most appropriate time.

Do not say God “took” the deceased because “HE needed him or her in Heaven.” God does not need us; we need HIM.

Do not ask for details on the actual death; those facts are extremely painful.                                          

                                          

Gratitude: The Key to Happiness

~ by Richard Edler, The Compassionate Friends

I am convinced that the real key to happiness is gratitude. I did not come upon this insight, I learned it from Dennis Prager, a wonderful and gifted man who is both author and talk show host for KNBC radio in Los Angeles. I give him all the credit. But I have thought a lot about this idea after my son, Mark, died seven years ago.

At first, I was offended by people who smiled or even laughed during the TCF support group meetings. These were the people who seemed to have somehow re-entered the land of the living. How dare they greet each other with hugs. How dare they laugh. How dare they appear normal when their children have died. But over the last seven years I have learned three valuable lessons.

Life goes on and we must too. Gradually the pain eases and the warm memories replace the sadness. A Gradually we return to life. One day we find that it is 11:00in the morning and we have not thought about our child yet. At first we feel guilt. But then we also realize we are going forward. We will never forget. But we decide that the loss of our child will not be the all-consuming factor in our life. We choose to enjoy friends again. We choose to go out to dinner again. We choose to laugh again. I am convinced that this is what our children would want for us. The pain does not bring our child back. It only makes us miserable without end.

Become grateful for what we have, not focused on what we lost. I see people in group meetings who have gong through “every parent’s nightmare” and want no part of life again. But, I ask that these compassionate friends also think about the ways they have been blessed, as well as hurt. In my experience, most people have more to be thankful for than they realize: health, other children, a loving family, a career they enjoy, financial security, life in a free country, a faith that works for them, a true best friend, a spouse who they love. Nobody has it all. But compared to most of the world, we have a lot.

The life we now lead will be better than it would have been. That does not make our child’s death a good thing. It just means that our child’s life mattered, and it has changed us forever. It means that in some small way the world will be better because our child lived, and we are the ones who can make it so. We have a new sense of priorities. We don’t “sweat the small stuff.” We know what matters, we know how deeply other people hurt, because we, too, have been there. We “know how they feel.” And when our life is different and better because our child lived, then that child is never forgotten.

Each of us would do anything in the world to go back in time, but we can’t. It is up to us now to go forward, and we can.

Something positive and meaningful from the tragedy of our child’s death

I’m lovingly copying and posting segments of an article written by a mom about the sudden death of her 20 year old son that was murdered… The link for the entire article is noted below and I hope you will read it - but what I found so special about her article was what she learned on her journey from mourning to joy - her insight.  So, as we all prepare for the new year ahead I hope we can all learn something from her journey..  She has taken this horrific tragedy and in the processing of learning to go on without her son, she sees things differently ~ nit negatively as you might think, but instead some very positive ways...  I hope this will help each of us find peace as we move along our journey, not only for our own sake, but for those around us whom we love and to honor the memory of our beloved children… No matter the age of our child or how they died – I hope you will find her insights  as inspiring as I do each time I read this… Cherie Houston

~ by Stella Wichman (May 2010)

• I now make time for and prioritize my family and friends differently.
• I do not put things off or wait to say important things to those I care about like I may have in the past.
• I do not want to have unfinished business with anyone important to me because I now know that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.
• I now tend to live in the moment more relishing the small things I used to overlook in my hurry to get things done.
• I choose my battles better and don’t get caught up in stupid matters that are trivial now realizing that my energies can better be applied to things that truly are worthy of my time and energy.
• I appreciate life more now that I have experienced such a traumatic thing.  

I did not chose this to happen, but what I did find was that I could choose to pull something positive and meaningful out of such a tragedy.

Peace & Light, Stella Wichman

  

To read the entire article here is the link…

http://rainbowbridgecoach.com/2010/the-overwhelming-grief-of-sudden-child-loss