Am I going crazy?

Susan Schneider from boulder, CO sent this to me lat year, but I believe we've shared this before..  This is a question I think almost all of our who have lost a child ask ourselves from time to time and although we may know we are not, the fear is certainly overwhelming at times - even years after the death when we should be totally okay (or at least that's what others around us think), so i thought it might help if we share it again...  No we aren't going crazy, we are simply devastated by our unimaginable loss... May you find peace in the days and months ahead - Cherie Houston

Am I Going Crazy?

By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

 response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy

The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

What is Normal Now?

How many times since my children have died, have I thought to myself “normal” what is that? Doesn’t anyone understand that I will never be who I was before my children died, my “normal” will never be the same again…  After the deaths of each of my three children (Robin in 1971, RandeeMarie the following year in 1972 and then Bobby in 2009) I returned to a very different normal – because I was very different and the world around me was different.  Yes they are gone, and although I'm so grateful to have 2 wonderful sons, 2 great step-sons, 5 fabulous daughter-in-laws and been blessed with 9 incredible grandchildren, that doesn't erase the fact that I have 3 children who are not here and at times that in itself seems overwhelmingly painful to accept..  Time softens the pain, but out of the blue there are moments, that even though it's been more than 40 years since RandeeMarie died in 1971 and Robin died in 1972 and within a few months it will be 3 years since my 36 year old son Bobby died - it still takes my breath away...   My “normal” at times seem to change like the winds…  I found this article the other day when I was going through some papers Joyce Floyd had sent me shortly after Bobby died and I was amazed at how accurate it was about “my new & ever changing normal”.  I hope you will take some comfort in it also…  For me, articles such as these always help to remind me that I am okay, that I’m not crazy – that I’m simply a mom, who is missing my children… Cherie Houston

WHAT IS NORMAL NOW?  ~ by Vicki Windham, Platte, NE, BP/USA chapter~ 

• Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Easter. 
• Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party.  Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see the casket, and all the crying people.
• Normal is feeling like you can’t sit through another minute without screaming because you just don’t like to sit through church anymore.  And yet at the same time feeling like you have more faith in God than you ever had before.
• Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the events in your family’s life.
• Normal is not sleeping because a thousand “what ifs” go through your head constantly.
• Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have some ‘noise’ because the silence is deafening.
• Normal is telling the story of your child’s death as if it were an everyday common event and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds.  And yet realizing it has become part of normal conversation.
• Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child’s memory and birthday, and surviving those days.
• Normal is a new friendship with another bereaved Mother and meeting over coffee and talking and crying together over your children.
• Normal is being too tired to care if you paid your bills, cleaned your house, did the laundry, or shopped for groceries.
• Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think you are “normal.”  

The first years of this grief journey...

The death of a child - a child at any age - is such a traumatic, life-altering experience.   At first, you can't even comprehend the facts, no matter how hard you try to absorb them - your heart isn't ready...  It's not denial, because in those initial hours, days and weeks, denial isn't even possible yet because you truly can't comprehend what has and is happening around you.....  


In the days, weeks and months to follow, ever so slowly you allow yourself to relive those initial moments over and over again - each time allowing yourself to "stay in those initial moments - just a little longer"..  Initially it's as though we are dreaming and if we can just dream a little longer we can change the outcome...  With time, we stay there a little longer trying to absorb our surroundings and what we are hearing - eventually we stay there as long as we do, not wanting to let go - for fear if we accept what we are being told - we will begin to let go of them and all that they were to us...  I think all of these moments are simply a way of our brain "bracing us" for the horrible truth & facts, yes our brain fortunately will only allow it in, in very small doses, bits and pieces at a time..  


The first year after my 3 children died I think we are always preparing for the next "first" very much like a new parent - only these firsts are all so frightening...  Those "first" holidays - birthdays, anniversaries, milestones.. And then of course all the every day things that can knock the wind out of us as though we've been punched! The pictures, songs, foods, smells, opening of closets & bureau drawers or even the door to their room or home, all of the simplest of things that we will eventually recognize and call "grief triggers" - those things that can catapult us without any warning back into the depths of that black hole...  Finally, just as we begin to prepare ourselves for the first anniversary of our child going home to heaven, to earning their wings, yes, it's 365 days later and so many of us have this misconception that we will finally begin to feel just a little better, and then we realize - we won't..  Not yet - we still have a long way to go on the journey..

Although we will feel different as we move forward on the journey, because thankfully the depths of our grief will never return to those initial dark hours, days, weeks and months...  But understand, that grief is a journey and the first year is simply the worst and most frightening part of the journey...  But as time goes on, accept that this journey will continue.  Differently of course, but it does continue...  

Many moms who've traveled this journey before will softly warn "newly bereaved moms" not to be surprised if the second and third year of grief are actually more intense in a different way,  than that first year. It is different - because again remember when we look back on that first year it so often feels like a bad dream, a total foggy blur..  Even for moms and dads who returned to work soon after, when they look back later - most remember very little about that first year - our brains never allow us to relive excruciating pain of any kind - and the heartbreak of losing a child is the most excruciating pain we will ever endure... Furthermore, we can't imagine how we made it through, but we did!! 

In the second and subsequent years, the reality really sets in with a piercing, almost "stop your breath" intensity. Be prepared - this is normal - no you aren't going crazy - your heart is continuing to heal, it just takes time..  This pain of grief is simply the price we pay for loving our children as much as we do...  


Continue to be patient, loving and gentle with yourself as you stay the course and continue on your unique journey - it is a journey from mourning to joy and yes, eventually you will find peace and joy and a new normal that works for you....  In the meantime, know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of all your sisters in grief..  ~ Cherie Houston

Permission to Be Crazy

When the following excerpt from Eline Stillwell's book was first sent to me in a prayer card after my son Bobby's death, I was surpised by it. I remember thinking it a curious thing to receive - after all I didn't remember having done any of the things in the clipping when either of my two little girls, Randee or Robin died in the early 70's..

But now as we approach the second anniversary of Bobby's death, I realize that I obviously just forgot how crazy grief can make us - yes I was definitely wrong - oh so wrong...

Because since that horrible phone call on September 20th, shortly after midnight telling me that Bobby was gone forever - without a doubt I've done these and many other strange things since that horrible call... And I must admit it's comforting to know that I'm not crazy - I'm simply a mom who is learning to accept a new normal without another one of my children - so if I'm a little crazy from time to time, I know that it is OK.. there is no right or wrong to surviving a loss, but especially when the loss is that of a beloved child.

So please be patient with yourself on your journey through grief.. it's OK to be a little crazy - it's just normal... Cherie Houston...

~ by Elaine Stillwell from “Healing After Your Child’s Death”

It’s OK to do strange things, anything that gives your heart sense of peace, as long as you don’t hurt someone.

Whether you’re running down the beach, standing in the shower, or riding in your car screaming at the top of your lungs, releasing balloons with notes attached, talking to an empty chair, wearing their clothes, baking a cake for their birthday, signing their name on cards, decorating their grave with things they loved, or collecting angels in their memory ~ it’s OK.

No excuses are necessary.

You have learned to do what your heart needs, and that is a BIG step!

Does anyone undesrstand what we are going through?

~ by Cherie Houston

July 31st, 1972 - 39 years ago today, my beautiful daughter Robin died.. She was a beautiful healthy and happy little 7 month old - sharing the nursery with her 16 month old brother Ric - their very patriotic red, white & blue nursery with matching cribs, hers had a beautiful canopy top... We awoke early that Monday morning, to the shock that Robin Marie, our beautiful little girl, had died during the night, a victim of SIDS - yes 39 years ago today, our world seemed to go into a tailspin, that was the day we lost our 2nd child.. God this can't be happening again, but it did.. Our first daughter, Randee Marie, had died the year before on March 17, 1971 - a little more than 9 hours after she'd been born 12 weeks prematurely, but despite the heartache of losing Randee, we were blessed ~ her twin brother, Ric - who was also only 3 lbs - had survived and now again Ric was our "only child".

I've kept a diary since high school and from time to time I go back and read entries from years gone by - funny, sad, philosophical, complaining, angry, proud, amazing, hopeful - such a wide variety of emotions and it helps to see where I've been... I recently went back and read my diary a year after Robin died - not sure I've ever gone back and read the few weeks after her death-that's too painful, but a year later was OK. I was already expecting again - and would be blessed with a little baby boy - yes Ric had a new baby brother - Bobby was born Aug 27th, 13 months after Robin's death and 7 years later we were blessed again with another beautiful baby boy - Sean... Blessings and tragedy seem to be intertwined - on September 19, 2009 our 3rd child would die, when our 36 year old sone Bobby took his own life on September 19th, 2009..... I want to share with you what I wrote one year aftr Robins death, because it reminds me that maybe those around us who can't understand our pain, just truly can't...

Tuesday, July 31st, 1973
I don't remember when or where I heard the expression "the only two things in life that are certain are death and taxes" But I know it's a common statement, so why is it that no one seems comfortable with understanding what death does to those who are left living? Why can't anyone around me understand how painful it is when someone we know or loves is grieving and heartbroken over the loss of their child, parent, spouse or close friend. Why doesn’t everyone around us understand what we are going through? After all everyone is going to experience loss at some time in their life. Or is it that grief is so terribly painful that no one wants to talk about it and those of us who do, we just makes others uncomfortable.

How did this happen – one year ago today my beautiful little girl Robin died, gone – only 7 months old and in just a moment, this healthy happy little girl who had just pulled herself up and took a step was gone… How can this be and why is that no one seems to understand what I’m going through. I watch other young moms and dads who have lost their babies to SIDS and why is that no one around any of us seems to understand the impact that this loss has had on us. Instead, it seems as though others around us, want to yell at us and say “straighten up and get on with your lives – you are young, you’ll get over it – you’ll have another”… Yes, maybe that’s true – after all I am excited about being pregnant again and I’m nervously looking forward to the arrival of this new little girl or boy in a few months, but why can’t anyone understand that I also want Robin back and that this new baby, although he or she will be loved, will not and can never replace Robin – I just want my baby girl back…

It's not fair-what did we ever do wrong to be thrown into this nightmare – like a spooky fraternity with the deaths of our babies in common - yet we have no idea what to do, how to act, what is normal and we are all wondering the same thing – are we all going crazy?? Dr. Sturner has been so wonderful - who could have guessed the medical examiner to do Robin's autopsy would become such a close friend, but he's helped me so much this last year including establishing this SIDS chapter, but he’s a grandfather and although he’s lost a grandbaby to SIDS, he’s blessed that he has all his children – he can’t fully understand how overwhelming this loss is… I’m amazed at the number of “outsiders” who have whispered to us that they themselves, their moms, aunts, grandmas, etc have had a baby who died of ‘crib death also” but they never talk about it – how can that be, I just want to shout it from the roof tops – my baby is gone, my heart is broken, can’t anyone help me… how and why can you keep death a secret??

Each parent I meet, the feelings we share are the same, feelings of devastating pain, all we want are things the way they were ~ we want our life as it once was and our babies back ~ God why cna't anyone understand that this pain is crippling ~ our hearts feel as though they are totally shattered and we aren’t sure if we will ever get through this, how can we cope, will we ever feel better – doesn’t anyone understand how much we are hurting… Is this what we are going to feel forever – it’s been a year, but it feels like this morning – the nightmare repeats itself over and over again in my mind – whether I’m awake or asleep – like a movie that never stops…

But then again I can't be going crazy – because each and every parent I meet who has suffered this same horrific event is feeling the same things, so this must be normal, this must just be what grief is.. But if that's the case, why then, can’t anyone around me understand what I’m going through, because after all – some of them must have been where we are, they must understand what we are going through – because after all everyone is going to suffer the loss of someone they love – after all taxes & death are the only 2 sure things in life that are certain..

So why can’t they understand my grief or is it that they do understand. Yes maybe they do understand more than I think they do, but maybe - just maybe - for them it’s just too painful to go back, so they scurry away from us - almost as though we are contagious and they might catch our grief - and maybe they have to turn their backs on us because they are just grateful that it’s not them…

Some Things to Think About and Wrestle With as a New Year Begins

Alright - we made it thru the holidays and now it's time to begin a New Year...  Easier said than done for many of us, especially for those of us who are beginning our first, second or even third new year without our child...  Firsr of all remember it's OK to take baby steps into this new year... Try to find some joy and peace each and every day - even if it's the simple fact that you made it to 10am without crying or you may have found yourself marveling at the sunshine or that road runner that scampered across your front lawn or that picture you found of your child that you rememberd but hand't been able to find...  just find one little reason to smile today...  Cherie Houston

A few other suggestions made by Elaine Grier a TCF Atlanta, GA member (also an assistant professor of adult nursing at Georgia Baptist College of Nursing of Mercer University) might be:

1. Do what feels right to YOU, not what feels right to someone else. This is true every day, but it has special importance during this tender time of year.

2. Remember that experts who study us "parents who have lost children" say that when a parent loses a child, 85 percent of your total body’s energy is consumed with grief work! That leaves only 15 percent of your energy … total. If we evenly divide that up, we find we have only about 5 percent of our normal energy to do physical things, 5 percent to do emotional things, and 5 percent to do spiritual things. Use what little bit of left-over energy you have to do what feels right to you. Make choices for yourself. Don’t let others make choices for you. Choices. Be sure they are your choices.

3. Talk about your child as much (or as little) as you want to this season. Remember that family and friends who haven’t walked this journey of grief may be afraid to recall memories of special holiday times, or they may be hesitant to even speak the name of your child for fear of making you “remember” him or her. Well, duh. Don’t hesitate to say, “I need to talk about _____(your child) tonight.” Or, “Do you remember that time when _____?”

4. Remember that the craziest, most unnatural thing in the world has happened to you: You have lived longer than your child. If we agree that the craziest thing possible has happened, how can anything we think or do during this new year be “crazy?” If anyone dares to say to you, “I can’t believe you hung his/her stocking up at Christmas" or "why did you include him/her in the New Year toast" or any other such foolish statement - just remember they don't know what to say or maybe, in some rare cases, they are just ignorant people.
You can say nothing … or, you can kindly say, “This is what I need to do.” And simply leave it at that.

Elaine Grier is an assistant professor of adult nursing at Georgia Baptist College of Nursing of Mercer University. She teaches nursing students about the experience of grief throughout their baccalaureate curriculum. She also previously served as co-chapter leader of the Atlanta Chapter of TCF.

What to expect along this journey from mourning to joy - Part 2 of 2

Yes - the death of a child is the most challenging life task we will ever endure.  Along this journey from mourning to joy, there are many emotional and physical ways in which our journey will take us.  Much of this journey is beyond your control - there is no order to the journey.  But it does help to know that what you are experiencing is normal  - you are not crazy and you are not alone...  We hope that knowing what you might experience will help ease your broken heart...

~ Denial of your loss, thinking that your child will return.

~ Needing to tell and retell the story of your child’s death

~ Inability to function in your job

~ Sensing your child’s presence or an odor or touch associated with your child

~ Having difficulty grocery shopping because of seeing your child’s favorite food(s) on the shelves

~ Irrationally upset with yourself if you smile or laugh, thinking how can I smile, my child is DEAD!

~ Feelings as if your spouse or other family member don’t understand your grief or are not grieving as you think they should. Remember all of us grieve differently.

~ Losing old friends who don’t seem to understand your pain and grief

~ Making new friends through support groups with members who have also experienced the death of a child and therefore understand your feelings.

~ Feeling like you are making progress in your grief work, then slip back into the old feelings.

~ Grief work usually is a succession of two steps forward and one step back over a long period of time

~ Becoming frustrated with others who expect you to “over this” in a month, six months or a year and who say so. Or even being frustrated with yourself for expecting to be “over this” too soon.

~ Grief work form the death of your child is a SLOW process.

~ Be patient with yourself. You are a bereaved Mother.

~ Be gentle with yourself. You are GRIEVING.

What to expect along this journey from mourning to joy - Part 1 of 2

The death of a child is the most challenging life task we will ever endure.  Along this journey from mourning to joy, there are many emotional and physical ways in which our journey will take us.  Much of this journey is beyond your control - there is no order to the journey.  But it does help to know that what you are experiencing is normal  - you are not crazy and you are not alone... 

Those of us who have made this journey before you, have found that knowing or at least being aware of what we might experience helps to ease the pain and alleviate the fear that we are losing our minds... You are not losing your mind - your child has died and you are learning to cope with a tremendous loss.  Your mind and body are simply adjusting to your new reality and that takes time... 

You may experience some or all of these... but know that your journey is yours, very personal and different from anyone elses.  But also remember, that no matter how difficult your journey may be, there are many people who love and care about you.  Turn to those who love and care about you, reach out and allow them to help you, even if that is only to sit with you as your heart breaks..and remember those of us who have made this journey before you are always here for you - your sisters in grief..

Some of the things you may experience or feel are:

~ Depression

~ A profound longing and emptiness

~ Wanting to die. This feeling passes in time; because you will realize that you must go on for the sake of your remaining family members, yourself and your child who died.

~ Profound sadness

~ Crying all the time or at unexpected times

~ Inability to concentrate on anything, frequently misplacing items

~ Wondering “Why???”

~ Forgetfulness

~ Questioning yourself over and over: “If only I had…..?” “Why didn’t I…..?”

~ Placing unnecessary guilt on yourself or others.

~ Anger with yourself, family members, God, the doctor and even your child for dying.

~ Fearing that you are going crazy! (very normal)

~ Great physical exhaustion. Grief is HARD work and consumes much energy!

~ Difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time to avoid the pain.

~ Physical symptoms such as heaviness in your chest or having difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, yawning, sighing, gasping or even hyperventilating.

~ Lack of appetite or overeating

~ Weight gain or weight loss

~ Anxiety (Often associated with overprotective behavior toward surviving children and other family members.)

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 3 of 3

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 3 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy
The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 2 of 3

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 2 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 1 of 3

During our grief journey, there are times when we wonder if we are "going crazy" - About 6 weeks after our son Bobby died this past September 19th, 2009, when I was convinced that not only was I going crazy but that I wouldn't survive the loss, I  happened on this article which I want to share with you - it has become a favorite during those times when the pain seems overwhelming -  I know it's so important that we remember that we're "not going crazy" we are simply on a journey, a journey from mourning to joy..Cherie Houston

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 1 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.