A Bereaved Parent’s Spring

A Bereaved Parent’s Spring

By Terre Belt, BP/USA , Anne Arundel County Chapter

Regardless of the calendar or the meteorologists, April marks the beginning of spring for many of us.  The world outside begins to awaken from its winter slumber and the sights and sounds and smells of spring abound, from the flowers peeking out of the ground to the birds chirping merrily outside our windows to the smell of the blooming trees as we venture out for our first walk of the season.

This is what spring is all about unless, of course, you are a “newly” bereaved parent and then you might just be oblivious to it all.  In fact, you may even resent the reappearance of spring and its symbolic rebirth.  The message to you from an “old timer” on this grief journey is to be easy on yourself…it won’t always be this hard and just fell whatever you feel.  Don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel this spring (or next.)

Like all seasons, spring will have its share of emotional triggers for the newly bereaved – graduations, Mother’s Day, planning for summer vacations, favorite flowers and just waking up.  But just as April showers bring May flowers….the tears of grief will ultimately sow the seeds of hope and someday you too will see the beauty of spring again.

For those of us who have been on our grief journey for awhile, not only do we recognize (and welcome) the beauty of spring again, but we also see our children in everything that is beautiful in spring.  It is our way of carrying them with us through spring and through all of the seasons.  

So, as spring unfolds, here’s wishing each of you peace and whatever joy you are able to find.  

March Winds

~ Lovingly shared from ~ Betty Davis, Marion Ohio BP/USA

As the winds blow, often violently, it is as if there is an attempt to wake us from our winter lethargy.  The birds began to sing, calling to us.  The dormant trees begin to move in the breeze.  We see the first buds.  Witness a crocus peeping through the encrusted ground.  

Regardless of our griefs and regrets, life goes on, whether we participate or not.  This can be a season of renewal.  We can symbolically plant a flower, a tree, or a bush, and nurture it as we loved our child.  As the plant flourishes and adds beauty to our lives, we can experience a sense of creation just as our child added meaning to our lives.  

It’s time to sort out the good memories when we do our spring cleaning.  Discard the anger, regret, disappointment and sorrow.  Shake it out and throw it away.  Hold on to all that is good.  Cherish it forever.  It’s time to make a constructive effort to restore ourselves.  

We hope the gales of the March winds will awaken you to a new beginning.  May the ‘winter of our discontent’ disappear.  We wish for you to live in the future with your happy memories.      

Hope for the Day

Spring, a time of renewed and hope arrives in just a few weeks  on March 20th.. we hope you can find some joy in the small signs of new life, as well as a sense of renewed hope & peace about the future..  We are hoping that by sharing this story from Clara Hinton, you can begin to move from that black hole of grief...Cherie Houston

~ by Clara Hinton of  www.silentgrief.com

“HOPE FOR THE DAY”

     When grief is new and so raw, it takes up all of our time and energy.  We forget what day it is, and worse yet, we don’t even care.  We stop going out, we forget appointments, and we withdraw from life as we once new it.  Grief affects every part of our being!

     At first, we expect this kind of response to our grief.  We need to do so much adapting to a new world, a new place to call home, and a new way to find joy.  We can’t rush through this process!

     But, there comes a time in our lives when we will be faced with the most difficult choice of all.  Do we stay in our deep grief, or do we make a conscious effort to take one step at a time and try to move forward into a place of hope!

    Most of us make the choice to move on because we know that’s what is best.  If we stay in that deep black hole of grief for too long, we’ll miss another spring.  And, we don’t want to miss the blue skies, the budding of the flowers, seeing the first robin plucking his work from the earth that is beginning to unfold with so much life and beauty!

     Even though grief will always be a part of our lives, there comes a time when we can move it from a place of everyday top priority, to a place of subdued recognition.  Spring comes once a year, and it’s full of hope.  Give yourself permission to enjoy the beauty of this coming season this year!          

It Happened Again

Special thanks to Holly Polakoff from New Jersey for sending this - she commented that when she falls back into that very uncomfortable "dark place" that feels as though she's drowning in her grief, she pulls out this article and reads it again and again to remind herself that she is going to get through it.  She knows she has to, when her son Burke died suddenly due to a tragic accident at the age of 11, she had 3 younger children who desperately needed her.  But there were times she said, that even her love for her 3 little ones, didn't seem as though it would be enough to help her go on (but of course it was)..  "It Happened Again" was written by Sandy Goodman

It’s happening again.  Right outside my front door, under an inch of leftover snow a daffodil is pushing its way up into the sunlight.  The bare places in my lawn are thawed and messy, and the steady drip from the roof lulls us to sleep. Yesterday I strolled the thirty feet to my mailbox without a jacket.  Spring has reappeared.

Spring is a time for optimism.  Suddenly living seems easier, happier, and less stressful.  Depression lifts and a feeling of hope fills the air.  We shed our winter blues and replace our frowns and cantankerous attitudes with smiles and loving kindness.  We visit with our neighbors over fences, clean up the barbecues, and start leafing through seed catalogues.  Life is good….but not invariably and not for everyone. 

I remember a spring that bore no resemblance to what I’ve just described.  It was the spring of ’97 and it was the first spring after my son’s death.  By the time the first warm day arrived that year, the numbness of Jason’s death had disappeared and I had entered what I call the “pit of grief.”  Simply typing this paragraph takes me back in time and once again, I am there…..

.....and it is cold and dark.  I am alone, curled up in a corner of this make believe place where

.....only my pain exists.  The sorrow is my only link to him, my only awareness, the only thing that 

.....matters.  If I allow myself to move away from it, I may lose him again.  I cannot do that.  I

.....cannot take that chance.  And so I hold it, cradle the pain in my arms, shielding it from those

.....who want to take it from me, and I weep……

However, spring arrives without invitations and it calls on everyone.  It skips in like a long awaited guest and expects to be welcomed with open arms.  I recall what seemed like the entire world growing jovial and lighthearted, which merely pushes me to tunnel further in my corner and the sanctuary of my grief.  I longed for the reappearance of winter because it had kept the “ones who do not know” away from the door.  I remember feeling betrayed.  How could the earth suddenly wake up and come alive when my son had no opportunity to do so?

It’s happening again.  Spring is once again knocking on our doors.  Each of you know, love, or can befriend someone who is precisely where I was (ten) years ago.

The winter has been long and hard; you are ready for a new beginning.  I understand.  I share your anticipation.  (Ten) years ago is not now.  My corner of the pit had been occupied by many since my stay there, and I have no intention of revisiting it.  But there are many who have just descended and they are burrowing in, seeking solitude.  Although I firmly believe that being there is a necessary task in getting to the other side of grief, I also believe that we must come out occasionally for fresh air and sunshine.  It is up to you, and to me, to go into this world and reach out for her hand.  Once she’s taken hold, her chance of successfully climbing out is greatly increased.  So go on, go buy those doughnuts…..someone is waiting just for you.

Sandy Goodman is the author of “ Love Never Dies: A Mother’s Journey from Loss to Love”

Such a Beautiful Day….

~written by Mary Ehmann, Valley Forge BP/USA

Why am I Crying?

This is a question that comes up every spring, particularly from newly bereaved.  It’s something we have always looked forward to, before tragedy hit.  The cold, drab, bleak winter is finally over.  Somehow, we thought that magical time would be the magic that would free us from our pain.  Unfortunately, not so!  Perhaps it’s because we see this beauty unfolding, and our children are not here to share it. 

The devastating knowledge is that the “magic” of spring didn’t change our feelings.  The fact the world seems to go on, just as if nothing has happened, when  our world seems to have stopped, seems impossible to comprehend.  False expectations.  What we tend to forget is that seasons change, where we are in our grief cycle is what controls our feelings.

Just hold on to the fact that spring is a rebirth of what seems dead, as dead as you feel now.  It is true, you will never stop missing your child, however, hold on to the belief that your spring will come again, too.  When it does, it will be different.  

Just as the trees and flowers are not the same, you won’t be either.  But their beauty is still there, and as you start to come back to life again, you will find different joys in life. 

We all run on a different calendar, so no time frame can be put on your spring.  Just know that your feelings are perfectly normal.  It may seem that you are back at square one, but look back, remember what it was like in the beginning, and I think you will realize there has been progress,  and there will be more.  

KITE MEMORIES

Isn't it amazing how so many little things remind us of our children when they were little, and for those of us whose children have "gone too soon" those memories can be so very bittersweet.  They can bring a smile one moment and trigger an avalance of tears the next...  For me "kites" can do that - remembering my boys when they were little and how much they love to fly kites.  This is something that Dan and I love doing now with our grandchildren, at my favorite spot in Newport, RI - on the edge of the ocean, but now even with all their smiles & giggles and running about, those kites also remind me of this poem and our wish that our children who are gone too soon, might also be "floating freely - peacefully - above"...   Thank you Marcia for sharing this with us... Cherie Houston

KITE MEMORIES
~ by Marcia Alig, TCF/NJ

Brushed golden by the sun

A kite flies free above greening meadow,

Drifting lazily until it turns to catch the eddy of

A flock of trumpeting geese homeward bound.

Fragrance of early Spring flowers

Makes me giddy with the thought

That You too fly unfettered to drift or chase dreams,

Dreams beyond imagination,

Unrestrained by life or expectations.

Now I cherish each kite that rises to the wind

 Because it fills me with memories,

Memories of your gifts of love. 

BUT….only sometimes…..

I wonder whether you remember, too.  

A Bereaved Parent’s SPRING

~ By Terre Belt, BP/USA , Anne Arundel County Chapter

Regardless of the calendar or the meteorologists, April marks the beginning of spring for many of us. The world outside begins to awaken from its winter slumber and the sights and sounds and smells of spring abound, from the flowers peeking out of the ground to the birds chirping merrily outside our windows to the smell of the blooming trees as we venture out for our first walk of the season.

This is what spring is all about unless, of course, you are a “newly” bereaved parent and then you might just be oblivious to it all. In fact, you may even resent the reappearance of spring and its symbolic rebirth. The message to you from an “old timer” on this grief journey is to be easy on yourself…it won’t always be this hard and just fell whatever you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel this spring (or next.)

Like all seasons, spring will have its share of emotional triggers for the newly bereaved – graduations, Mother’s Day, planning for summer vacations, favorite flowers and just waking up. But just as April showers bring May flowers….the tears of grief will ultimately sow the seeds of hope and someday you too will see the beauty of spring again.

For those of us who have been on our grief journey for awhile, not only do we recognize (and welcome) the beauty of spring again, but we also see our children in everything that is beautiful in spring. It is our way of carrying them with us through spring and through all of the seasons.

So, as spring unfolds, here’s wishing each of you peace and whatever joy you are able to find.

SPRING HAS COME !!

~ By Betty R. Ewart, BP/Bereaved Parents

“Spring has come, The grass has riz, I wonder where the flowers is?”

For some reason that poem, bad grammar and all is going through my head over and over this year. Our Ruthie died on Easter and spring came and I guess the grass and the flowers “riz” that year; but I don’t remember it! This year we have had so much bad weather and cold that it seems that spring will never come. 


Somehow we expect that, when the weather gets sunny and warm again, and the growth comes back, we will be all well again. Somehow, the fact that what died in the fall and winter and is now showing new life and coming back is not the answer. Then we think, let’s have our children come back now and we can get back to “normal.”


It’s hard to look at spring those first years after the death of our child and not have these thoughts. However, if we have a belief and faith in the resurrection, we may one day come to realize that all life is a cycle and there is and will be a resurgence of life at times when it may seem the dreariest.


So, when the grass and flowers begin to come back and when those of us who like to garden begin to plant and clear the garden, we can begin to have hope that we will see our children again some day.


Another lesson spring brings to us is that those flowers, when they come back, are not the same flowers. They have a new life and a new look. We also know that this is true of us. We are not the same people we were before our child died. We “come back” into life a changed person – hopefully a person changed for the better.

So, the grass, flowers and butterflies will soon be back and maybe we can begin to clear the cobwebs and concerns in our lives and become a new spring creation too. It won’t happen overnight and maybe not this year, but it will happen!

A Different Easter

From our family to yours, may you find peace and joy this easter season and I truly hope that a spark of hope will awaken in each of us, reminding us that there is life eternal and that our children will be there to welcome us when it's our time...Cherie Houston

A DIFFERENT EASTER ~ by Chris Gilbert, TCF, Tampa, Florida

Easter bunnies, brand new clothes, egg hunts, candy and baskets, the start of Spring. How exciting is this time of year? A new beginning, everything so fresh, so invigorating! But, unfortunately only painful and sorrowful memories are here for those of us who are bereaved parents and grandparents.
Gone is the laughter, the excitement in a special child’s eyes, the feeling of a whole new aspect in life. Spring is here and the world appears ready to bloom again with new life, new hope, and new wonders.
How can we view life in this way when part of ourselves is now gone, forever lost to us? How can our lives continue to go on when one of us is missing, no longer able to share this “newness” of life? It seems so unfair! And yet, out of our “darkness” comes the first signs of hope – a “bud” of survival, a moment of laughter, a memory of a happier time.
The Easter season usually represents rebirth; let this season be the “birth” of your finding your way back to life again, of finding the ability to heal, and of being able to resolve your grief so that hope and comfort are once again in your life. 

Let this time of the year show you that you CAN make it through this deepest, most difficult, and sorrowful time of your lives.  And your angel child will be there to help you each step of the way.

Believe

~ by Betty Stevens

BELIEVE

Crocuses poke their heads through the crusty snow

To let us know the long, bleak winter is ending

And Spring will come again.

So, too, the long bleak winter of your

aching, breaking heart will end and

Spring will come again one day.

Be patient ~ but believe it~

Your Spring will come again. 

In the Springtime of Your Grief

~ by Judi Fischer, TCF, Cleveland, Ohio

Spring has fragile beginnings; a tiny shoot of green that emerges from the cold earth, a hint of pastel against the brownish grass, a bud that awakens with the morning sun. Sometimes spring comes so quietly we almost miss it, but once it begins, it is impossible to ignore the daily growth and change. The morning sun brings sounds that were not there before. The breeze carries warmth that invites us to venture outside of ourselves. A promise is released with the budding and blossoming surrounding us. Hope emerges for the beginning of a new season; change is in the air.

What we experience in the springtime of the year is what we can experience in the spring-time of our grief. There begins to be a growing radiance. The radiance is not just around us; it is within us. A gradual warming of the heart silences the chill of intense pain. The natural unfolding of the grief process moves gently to remind us that we will survive. Life is changing and growth emerges through the changes. The song of our hearts that seemed off key begins to experience a harmonious blend of the past and the present. The songs of the birds invite us to join them in a celebration of a new life. In the springtime of our grief, there can be a new song for us to sing. It will be a song we composed through the heart-ache of loss.

Optimism for a better day may awaken us one morning. Hearing laughter and discovering it is coming from within ourselves gives us promise for today. Dreams and hopes for a better tomorrow shine brightly with the morning sun. Surviving the winter of our grief with the openness to embrace change is a decision to embrace loss and integrate its impact into the fabric of our lives. It can be a willingness to explore new possibilities that create a different landscape to behold.

We can make a decision that we will begin to appreciate what we still have, not just focus on what is missing. We will know when we have made that decision. Something buds; something opens. The harshness of winter is softened with new life and new growth. It is not something we can force; it is something that unfolds when the time is right.

The springtime of grief arrives with no dramatic entrance, no flashing lights. The stillness of the beauty unfolds and captures our attention. It is happening around us, but it is also happening in us.

If spring has already crossed the path of your personal journey of grief, rejoice! But, if the chill of winter remains in your heart, be encouraged; spring is on its way. Look for it, expect it and it will be yours to experience around you and in you!

REFLECTIONS ON MARCH

~ Dayton Robinson, Tuscalossa, AL

March is a month of renewal. The dormant trees begin to stir, the birds optimistically sing of Spring; the winds, sometimes violent, wake us up; perhaps we need a “shake” out of our winter lethargy; an awakening. 
There is that urge to plant, to nourish, to grow a tree or a flower. There is the primordial urge to feel your hand digging in the warming earth. Perhaps we plant because we know that someone will see the results, as we have enjoyed the results of others’ work. It could be called a debt of renewal, a repayment for that which we have enjoyed. As we nourish small seedlings, we visualize the end results. That tree may die, as our children did. That tree may flourish beautifully, or it may meet ultimate disaster, but if that tree does well, it could be a source of great pleasure and of beauty for many coming years. We can believe that a seedling will be a glorious tree enjoyed by many. It’s a nice dream.
“To all things there is a season” and as life goes by, we simply cannot afford to miss the season, the renewals, the chances for new growth. Regardless of our grief’s and regrets, life goes on, and we must try not to miss a season. Life simply will be, whether we participate or not. Someone will benefit from constructive growth, if we can find the energy to make the effort.
Severe grief, for a time, reduces our interest and our ability to participate fully in life. With a low energy level and little initiative and with our hopes for the future severely damaged, it requires great effort for the bereaved to learn to again enjoy the small things that make up most of our lives. Our hopes for the future are so damaged that there is little incentive to work today for the future. The things that exist today comprise the basics of our future. We run a risk and a danger of missing the good things that are to be, because we do not have the wish to participate in the things that are today.
Although we need a time of some withdrawal, some time to ponder the unanswered questions, some time to heal, we also need to be aware of the lives that are passing. Regardless of our grief, life simply goes on, and there is much good that we risk losing if we stay too long in a state of suspense of the present and a sad review of the past.

A part of learning to “accept the unacceptable” is to learn to make the effort to sort out the good memories and take them with us into a future that will be happy again.
There comes a time when the harsh winter of our damaging grief will give way to some awakening, a time when we, like nature, can shake off some of the lethargy and see and feel the renewals life offers. Our choice is to remember that we could not control the advent of disaster. We can only control our response. Our choice is now only in the way in which we respond to the necessity to pick up the threads of our life and go on.
We owe it to ourselves to make a positive effort. We can hope that those buffeting winds of March can help us awaken to the renewals of Spring and put the “winter of our disaster” in its place, now a part of our ongoing lives.

Kite Memories

KITE MEMORIES

~ Marcia Alig, TCF/NJ

Brushed golden by the sun

A kite flies free above greening meadow,

Drifting lazily until it turns to catch the eddy of

A flock of trumpeting geese homeward bound.

Fragrance of early Spring flowers

Makes me giddy with the thought

That You too fly unfettered to drift or chase dreams,

Dreams beyond imagination,

Unrestrained by life or expectations.

Now I cherish each kite that rises to the wind

Because it fills me with memories,

Memories of your gifts of love.

BUT….only sometimes…..

I wonder whether you remember, too.

A DIFFERENT EASTER

Yes it's Easter Weekend and another holiday that will be celebrated without our beloved children.

Despite the ache in your heart, I hope you can and will reflect and find peace and wonderful memories that warm your heart and make you smile.. I also wish for you and your family a peace filled, blessed Easter holiday.

Remember - you aren't "letting go" but simply healing and moving forward...

I thought this story might touch you as it did me, written by a sister in grief from Tampa, FL.. Cherie Houston

A DIFFERENT EASTER,

~ by Chris Gilbert, TCF, Tampa, Florida

Easter bunnies, brand new clothes, egg hunts, candy and baskets, the start of Spring. How exciting is this time of year? A new beginning, everything so fresh, so invigorating! But, unfortunately only painful and sorrowful memories are here for those of us who are bereaved parents and grandparents.

Gone is the laughter, the excitement in a special child’s eyes, the feeling of a whole new aspect in life. Spring is here and the world appears ready to bloom again with new life, new hope, and new wonders.

How can we view life in this way when part of ourselves is now gone, forever lost to us? How can our lives continue to go on when one of us is missing, no longer able to share this “newness” of life? It seems so unfair! And yet, out of our “darkness” comes the first signs of hope – a “bud” of survival, a moment of laughter, a memory of a happier time.
The Easter season usually represents rebirth; let this season be the “birth” of your finding your way back to life again, of finding the ability to heal, and of being able to resolve your grief so that hope and comfort are once again in your life.

Let this time of the year show you, that you CAN, make it through this deepest, most difficult, and sorrowful time of your lives.

SPRING HAS COME !!

~ Betty R. Ewart, BP/USA National Newsletter

“Spring has come, The grass has riz, I wonder where the flowers is?”

For some reason that poem, bad grammar and all is going through my head over and over this year.Our Ruthie died on Easter and spring came and I guess the grass and the flowers “riz” that year; but I don’t remember it!

This year we have had so much bad weather and cold that it seems that spring will never come.Somehow we expect that, when the weather gets sunny and warm again, and the growth comes back, we will be all well again. Somehow, the fact that what died in the fall and winter and is now showing new life and coming back is not the answer.

Then we think, let’s have our children come back now and we can get back to “normal.”

It’s hard to look at spring those first years after the death of our child and not have these thoughts.However, if we have a belief and faith in the resurrection, we may one day come to realize that all life is a cycle and there is and will be a resurgence of life at times when it may seem the dreariest.

So, when the grass and flowers begin to come back and when those of us who like to garden begin to plant and clear the garden, we can begin to have hope that we will see our children again some day.

Another lesson spring brings to us is that those flowers, when they come back, are not the same flowers. They have a new life and a new look. We also know that this is true of us. We are not the same people we were before our child died. We “come back” into life a changed person – hopefully a person changed for the better.

So, the grass, flowers and butterflies will soon be back and maybe we can begin to clear the cobwebs and concerns in our lives and become a new spring creation too. It won’t happen overnight and maybe not this year, but it will happen!

RENEWAL

~Priscilla Kenney, Boston MA, TCF

RENEWAL

In the first warm days of springtime

when the winter chill is through,

each waking thought and closing prayer

begins and ends with you.

Like the daffodil and crocus

that survive the bitter snow,

my soul is gently lifted up

and is warmed by sunlight’s glow.

It’s a time of fresh renewal,

a beginning – not an end,

and oh, how much I miss you,

my daughter and my friend.

So I’ll take the warmth of springtime

and hold it close to me,

to help me through the winter storms

till your face once more I see.

APRIL SHOWERS

~Written by Beverly Mangum, TCF, Tri-County WV

And the rains came…they ceased, and they came again. The little memory I have of the time just after our son was killed is mostly that I thought I would never stop crying. There was no control and that would frustrate me, and I’d cry that much harder. My eyes were so swollen I had to ice them to see, and the crying, coupled with the inability to eat, dehydrated my body.

I could tell my crying only upset those around me, so I learned to cry when I was alone. Then I was able to take deep breaths and control some of the tears only to get a headache with my heartache. Gradually the crying eased up. It’s been a few months since I’ve had a really hard sit-down-and-sob crying spell. We try so hard to be strong and pent the emotions up, and then ‘wham-o’, the big one strikes. It is exhausting, but I think the release can be good.

At last month’s meeting we had a new Mother – the word “fresh” kept coming up as we each tried to console her. It was “fresh” for her – her son was killed the month prior. Her presence and emotions brought back for each of us those first months. The anger, the denial, the unanswered questions, the tears – none of us would want to relive those days again, but we all did with her at that meeting. No one can tell you that you’ll be just wonderful again, but you will slowly get better. The fact that this “fresh” Mother and the others who continue to come to the meetings was a sign of strength.

It takes a strong brave soul to admit that she could use some HELP. The person that reaches out for comfort is the one that will mend. We are not crazy, we have not done anything wrong, and we are not being punished. The death of a child – no matter what age, no matter what cause – is the hardest thing to happen to a parent, and to seek compassion and support is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves. We have been there, we know what you feel, and we understand, and we do care – that’s why we’re called The Compassionate Friends!

One of the subjects we discussed was the things that pop up out of the blue that bring on an emotional reaction. A son, a daughter, a situation, a similar looking person or expression, a TV show, a word – it’s like a bomb dropped on your head! It hits hard – when you least expect it – and it hurts. Even when the death of a parent, relative, friend or someone we don’t even know occurs – it all comes back again. As one Mother so well said – you take each moment as you go along and to the best that you can.

There are days I feel I’ve gained or done nothing, and there are days I actually make some headway. I may not always do as much as I did before, but when I have a good day, I try to make the most of it. I don’t know how much earthly time I have left, but I’m not going to let it go to waste. It’s not how much time we have left, but the quality of the time given to us. No one will make it for us – we must do that on our own.

Another Holiday is Looming: Easter

~ by Cherie Houston

Well, it's April 1st and another holiday is looming before us - Easter.. And when you child or children have died, thoughts of past Celebrations, including Easter and all the new outfits, chocolate bunnies, jelly beans, Easter baskets, Easter egg hunts and of course family gatherings can be very difficult.

And as we well know, it is commonly very difficult for those who have not been touched by the death of a child to understand the depth of despair that such a loss brings to our families. Yes, many can’t and don’t understand that the stress of holidays and special “dates” for those of us who are “mourning” including the moms, dads, siblings and grandparents, well that “mourning” and remembrance can feel overwhelming whether the loss was months or years ago."

But as we ponder the holiday ahead - some of us will remember our child during past holidays, and some of us will ponder our hopes for memories that were never to be for those children who died before memories could be made - but I'm hoping that maybe - thoughts of the true meaning of Easter can help each of us on this journey from mourning to joy during the Easter Holiday season ahead…

It seems to me that all the traditions of Easter reflect the belief that this is a time of celebration. Celebration of the resurrection, celebration of the rebirth, celebration and a salute to spring and yes, celebration of the coming to life again…

Yes, we may celebrate this holiday a little differently according to our beliefs and religious denominations, but for me to it helps to think that my precious children are totally at peace and happy at home in heaven... reborn again, just like the tulips, daffodils and easter lilies that appear after the long cold winter... reborn and blooming more beautiful than ever...

So many of us believe that the true meaning of Easter for all Christians, is to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Since we were small, isn't that what most of us were taught? That once our journey on earth is finished – no matter how short or long that journey might be, that we will each rise again and have eternal rest and peace at home in heaven – reunited with those who have gone before us and our heavenly father…

So, until then, I hope you and yours can find peace and joy this Easter season.

Hummingbirds & our BLOG

Hummingbirds: To many they represent a message from heaven and in in many cultures that has powerful spiritual significance.


Many of our moms find great comfort in the presence of the hummingbirds, so when I found this background, I knew it was perfect for our blog…I hope you will agree and enjoy the new look of our blog… As always, I welcome your input… Cherie Houston

I thought it would be interesting to find out a little more about these beautiful creatures and this is some of what I found…

Hummingbirds are a common Animal Totem and these magical beings are most often viewed as a symbol of joy, happiness and love and come to awaken us to the beauty of the present moment.

Hummingbirds are native to the mountains of South America and are seen as a symbol of resurrection. Early Spanish explorers gave the hummingbird the name Joyas voladoras, which means, "flying jewel".

In Mexico, there is a common folk belief that the Colibri (hummingbird) bring luck in love and romance. Stuffed hummingbirds were once worn in ancient times as lucky charms to help the lovelorn.

In Central America, the hummingbird held a great place of honor with the Aztecs, who decorated their ceremonial cloaks with hummingbird feathers. The Aztec chieftains wore hummingbird earrings and the priests had staves decorated with hummingbird feathers. It's said they used these to draw out the evil of people who had been cursed by sorcerers.

In Aztec mythology, hummingbirds and butterflies were believed to be the reincarnated spirits of those who have died. Huitzilopochtli was the Aztec god of the Sun and war and was represented as the hummingbird. Huitzilopochtli means "Blue Hummingbird on the Left" or “hummingbird from the left." The "left" is the location of the spirit world. Huitzilopochtli was depicted as a blue man fully armed and with his head decorated with hummingbird feathers.

Another widespread belief is that hummingbirds, in some way, are messengers between worlds.

The hummingbird serves to remind us of the beauty and wonder of the world. Hummingbird medicine brings the songs of joy and love to our spirit. With hummingbird medicine, we are able to have a carefree, loving heart and take pleasure in the beauty of life. Hummingbirds help pull our awareness out of the mundane so that we can recognize and value the magnificence of this creature..

The Chayma people of Trinidad thought that hummingbirds were their dead ancestors and so forbid the harming of the creatures. In Jamaica they are called “doctor birds”

Overall, Hummingbirds are considered a good omen. If you see one, you can expect that something good is going to happen to you very soon. It is also a sign of spring. It is said that Hummingbirds die each autumn only to reborn in the spring, and hummingbirds migrate across great bodies of water by hitching rides on the backs of geese.

Whatever you believe – I think we all agree that they can bring a sense of peace of wonderment as we watch them – similar to the feeling of wonderment we experience remembering and our children…

SPRING MAGIC AND YOU!!

Written by Mary Cleckley, BP/USA

As I sit and admire the beautiful lush growth of the trees this spring, I feel renewed. The long and arduous winter we had all over the country had made me wonder if, indeed, the trees would be able to perform their magic this year. A late Spring freeze, after many trees had budded out, had hurt. Some trees were also showing the results of a storm late last fall. In the woods back of my home, the tops of several oaks were broken by the intense winds. The damage is obvious. The still hanging dead limbs and leaves stand out by comparison to the chartreuse color of the new leaves.

We have learned from past experiences that the pines, so plentiful in the South are particularly vulnerable to the forces of nature. We are accustomed to the wind and ice storms taking the tops out of many of them. But it was a surprise when the storm didn’t affect the pines; instead, it took the tops out of many oaks. The oaks are sturdy and as a rule, can stand much of what nature has to offer. They are dependable and deep rooted.

Does what happened to the trees not remind you of what happens to a bereaved family after the death of a child? It takes even the oaks among us and tears the heart out of us, leaving us damaged. For a long time, the damage done is obvious. Our limbs are not necessarily broken but our hearts surely are. The most dependable and sturdy among us are brought to our knees and it is hard to imagine that new growth will ever take place again.
As I look at the oaks back in my woods, I know that one day those dangling dead limbs and leaves will no longer be obvious. They will eventually fall to the ground and nature will set out to repair as much as she is able. As with broken tree limbs and broken hearts, nature will not be able to repair everything perfectly; scars will remain and the shape of the trees and our lives will never be the same. Our recoveries will differ, however, for the trees will continue doing what only they know how to do: grow acorns and replace limbs. We, on the other hand, not only have the opportunity to grow, but also to change in many ways. One does not suffer through such pain without learning valuable lessons about that is important and about priorities.

As the spring revived the trees, let some of the magic spill over on you. Learn to grow in important ways. The pines among us will not learn, but the oaks surely will. When you say your prayers, pray to be an oak.