On a Child's Death

There are so many poems I keep in my nightstand for those nights when sleep is illusive and the stark reality of a future that is changed forever, you know that heartbreaking reality that we re moving forward in the time "after a child's death" - yes those nights that seem to hold me in their grip.. it is poems like these that help soften the pain and heartache  and sadness of losing my children... I hope that when we share poems like these, that you also will find them a source of peace..  Cherie Houston

ON A CHILD'S DEATH

~ BY Virginia Ellis

All heaven was in mourning,  The day that young man died;
When He closed His eyes, they said, Ten thousand angels cried.

The angels shed their many tears, Because He was God's Son;
But there is a special sadness, When God takes the very young.

At times like that, I question God, Why let a child die?
I cannot understand it, And I need to ask Him why.

I, too, have heard the angels cry, I've heard them cry first hand;
For I, too, gave up a child, And I've tried hard to understand.

Yes, I received God's comfort, Though I'm grateful, I want more;
I want reasons;  I want meaning, I am a parent who's heart-sore.

God can give, and God can take, I am well aware of this;
But, why my baby ... why my child?
Why did God put him on His list?

Did I love my child too much? Was he too good for this old earth?
Had his purpose here been filled?  Was that why he was taken first?

I awake each day with questions,  I fall asleep at night, the same;
So many times I ask God why,  I'm both saddened and ashamed.

But then, in reflective moments, When my prayers are most intense,
One word keeps going through my mind, Patience ... patience ... patience.

Maybe now is not the time, To explain this great heartache;
Even if I knew God's reasons, What difference would it make?

Can't I just be grateful, For any time we had?
Accept God's action without question? Why is that so very bad?

What's my hurry ... why my pressure? Is my faith not strong enough?
God will explain it when He's ready,  Surely I can trust that much.

God understands my broken heart, He, too, gave up a Son;
He knows the pain of one lost child, He weeps with me, and we are one.

Just as I talk to God each day,  I talk to my precious child;
I blow him kisses, and I say,  "See you, honey, in a while."

I'm There Inside Your Heart

~ author Unknown

I’M THERE INSIDE YOUR HEART

 Right now I’m in a different place,

And though we seem apart,

I’m closer than I ever was….

I’m there inside your heart.

I’m with you when you greet each day

And while the sun shines bright,

I’m there to share the sunsets, too…

I’m with you every night.

I’m with you when the times are good,

To share a laugh or two,

And if a tear should start to fall…

I’ll still be there for you.

And when that day arrives

That we no longer are apart,

I’ll smile and hold you close to me…..

Forever in my heart.

Death is nothing at all...................

Death is nothing at all

~ by Henry Scott-Holland, Canon of St. Paul’s - 1847-1913

Death is nothing at all…

I have only slipped away into the next room…

I am I and you are you…

whatever we were to each other that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone;

wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect,

without the ghosts of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the as it ever was;

there is absolutely unbroken continuity.

What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval,

somewhere very near just around the corner…

All is well.

On a child's death...

ON A CHILD'S DEATH

~ Virginia Ellis ~

All heaven was in mourning,
The day that young man died;
When He closed His eyes, they said,
Ten thousand angels cried.

The angels shed their many tears,
Because He was God's Son;
But there is a special sadness,
When God takes the very young.

At times like that, I question God,
Why let a child die?
I cannot understand it,
And I need to ask Him why.

I, too, have heard the angels cry,
I've heard them cry first hand;
For I, too, gave up a child,
And I've tried hard to understand.

Yes, I received God's comfort,
Though I'm grateful, I want more;
I want reasons;  I want meaning,
I am a parent who's heart-sore.

God can give, and God can take,
I am well aware of this;
But, why my baby ... why my child?
Why did God put him on His list?

Did I love my child too much?
Was he too good for this old earth?
Had his purpose here been filled?
Was that why he was taken first?

I awake each day with questions,
I fall asleep at night, the same;
So many times I ask God why,
I'm both saddened and ashamed.

But then, in reflective moments,
When my prayers are most intense,
One word keeps going through my mind,
Patience ... patience ... patience.

Maybe now is not the time,
To explain this great heartache;
Even if I knew God's reasons,
What difference would it make?

Can't I just be grateful,
For any time we had?
Accept God's action without question?
Why is that so very bad?

What's my hurry ... why my pressure?
Is my faith not strong enough?
God will explain it when He's ready,
Surely I can trust that much.

God understands my broken heart,
He, too, gave up a Son;
He knows the pain of one lost child,
He weeps with me, and we are one.

Just as I talk to God each day,
I talk to my precious child;
I blow him kisses, and I say,
"See you, honey, in a while."

On A Child's Death

I'm not sure who sent this to me when my son Bobby died a few years ago, but it is in with the many cards we received and I thought I'd share it... Cherie Houston

ON A CHILD'S DEATH

~ Virginia Ellis ~

All heaven was in mourning,
The day that young man died;
When He closed His eyes, they said,
Ten thousand angels cried.

The angels shed their many tears,
Because He was God's Son;
But there is a special sadness,
When God takes the very young.

At times like that, I question God,
Why let a child die?
I cannot understand it,
And I need to ask Him why.

I, too, have heard the angels cry,
I've heard them cry first hand;
For I, too, gave up a child,
And I've tried hard to understand.

Yes, I received God's comfort,
Though I'm grateful, I want more;
I want reasons;  I want meaning,
I am a parent who's heart-sore.

God can give, and God can take,
I am well aware of this;
But, why my baby ... why my child?
Why did God put him on His list?

Did I love my child too much?
Was he too good for this old earth?
Had his purpose here been filled?
Was that why he was taken first?

I awake each day with questions,
I fall asleep at night, the same;
So many times I ask God why,
I'm both saddened and ashamed.

But then, in reflective moments,
When my prayers are most intense,
One word keeps going through my mind,
Patience ... patience ... patience.

Maybe now is not the time,
To explain this great heartache;
Even if I knew God's reasons,
What difference would it make?

Can't I just be grateful,
For any time we had?
Accept God's action without question?
Why is that so very bad?

What's my hurry ... why my pressure?
Is my faith not strong enough?
God will explain it when He's ready,
Surely I can trust that much.

God understands my broken heart,
He, too, gave up a Son;
He knows the pain of one lost child,
He weeps with me, and we are one.

Just as I talk to God each day,
I talk to my precious child;
I blow him kisses, and I say,
"See you, honey, in a while."

Angel Babies...

Angel Babies...

~ author unknown

The world may never notice 

If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom, 

Or even pause to wonder 

If the petals fall too soon. 

But every life that ever forms, 

Or ever comes to be, 

Touches the world in some small way 

For all eternity. 

The little one we long for 

Was swiftly here and gone. 

But the love that was then planted 

Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty, 

Our hearts know what to do. 

Every beating of our hearts 

Says that we do love you.

If We Could Have A Lifetime Wish - Poem

IF WE COULD HAVE A LIFETIME WISH

~ author unknown

If we could have a lifetime wish,

A dream that would come true,

We'd pray to God with all our hearts

For yesterday and You.

A thousand words can't bring you back

We know because we've tried...

Neither will a thousand tears

We know because we've cried...

You left behind our broken hearts

And happy memories too...

But we never wanted memories

We only wanted You!

In Memory of Don Floyd..

Joyce, We Want You To Know That You and Your Family Are In Our Thoughts And Prayers Today On Don’s First Heavenly Anniversary..

SHOULD YOU GO FIRST

~ by Albert Kennedy "Rosey" Rowsell ~

Should you go first and I remain
to walk the road alone,
I'll live in memories garden dear,
with happy days we've known.

In spring I'll wait for roses red,
when faded, the lilacs blue.
In early fall when brown leaves fall,
I'll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain,
for battle to be fought.
Each thing you've touched along the way
will be a hallowed spot.

I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile,
though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand
will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain,
one thing I'll have you do:
Walk slowly down that long long path,
for soon I'll follow you.

I want to know each step you take,
so I may take the same.
For someday down that lonely road
you'll hear me call your name.

He is Gone - But Certainly not forgotten....

Happy Birthday Bobby – Yes today you would have been 39!! 

What an incredible man you were my son.  Oh I’m not forgetting for a moment the difficulties and sadness of the last 20 months before you chose to leave us and that's something I promise we'll discuss when I join you, but that's a painful place that I've chosen not to dwell in..  

Instead, I try to concentrate on all that you were - your bright smile, the enormous warmth and power of your hugs, your unending zest for life and always projecting the positive attitude that the glass was half full and never half empty, all the incredible memories of a happy life and all that you’ve left behind for all of us, especially those two beautiful little boys who are growing like weeds and no doubt carry your spirit in so many ways…  Anyone who knew you can’t help but smile and agree that you crammed more life into your short 36 years than most do in a lifetime, so soar with the angels and thank you for being my son…

I want to thank Susan Beazine, for sending me this wonderful poem a few months ago.  It certainly speaks to how I want to feel about my three angel children: Bobby and my daughters Robin & Randee…Cherie Houston

 HE IS GONE

~ by David Harkins

You can shed tears that he is gone

Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him

Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he would want: 
smile, open your eyes, love and go on

We love & miss you Bobby...

My Child

MY CHILD

~ Author  Unknown

I’ve loved my child right from the start
A feeling that’s filled my entire heart
I went through the labor and suffered the pain
For many long hours with nothing to gain

I’ve spent sleepless nights being awake
Though it’s been a while my arms they still ache
I’ve sat and I’ve wondered of how he would grow
The love of my family that he’d come to know

The sound of his voice as he learns to talk
Watching his steps as he tries to walk
I have a child that I really love so
I am his mother yet nobody knows

I spent all those months feeling him grow
I’ve lived through it all and have nothing to show
I don’t get invited to chat with young mothers
Because I don’t have a baby like all of the others

I’ve got some stretch marks that I’d like to hide
But I don’t have a pram with a baby inside
The people I’ve known for so many years
They now avoid me, which adds to my tears

I don’t know how long I’ll be feeling like this
But one thing I know my baby I miss
When Mothers Day comes it will be very hard
I won’t have any flowers – not even a card

And just because he’s not here with me
I still have a son I wish I could see
But one thing I know and this is for sure
I’ll be his mother for evermore

A Mother's Love

I hope you will enjoy this poem by one of my favorite poets, Helen Steiner Rice.  I also want to take a moment to wish you and yours a safe, healthy and peace filled 4th of July Holiday...  


Although I usually try to add a new post every few days, during July and August, I will only be posting once a week.  This will allow me to be a little selfish so I can spend a little more time enjoying our 9 incredible grandchildren while we are here in the Boston area for the summer..  As always you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you and I together continue on our journey from mourning to joy...  Cherie Houston

A MOTHER’S LOVE
~by Helen Steiner Rice~

A Mother’s love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,

It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .

It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .

It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .

It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .

A many splendoured miracle

man cannot understand

And another wondrous evidence

of God’s tender guiding hand.

No Tears in Heaven

No Tears in Heaven

~ by Ferna Lary Mills

There are many things in life that no one understands,

like why a life so very young can slip right through our hands.

One moment life is perfect and the next it falls apart,

leaving us with nothing but an eternally aching heart.

Our souls cry out in agony amidst the suffering and despair.

We feel the pain and tear our clothes and scream "It’s just not fair!"

Spirits are now shattered. Hearts will never be the same.

We grasp at straws and seek to find the one who is to blame.

Horrific as our life now seems, one thing remains quite true.

Our little ones have now been freed to do things angels do.

They can't recall the suffering of those last days they were here.

They remember not the sorrow, the hurt, nor the fear.

There are no tears in Heaven. No more sorrow. Only Joy.

Heaven is filled with peals of laughter from each little girl and boy.

We can only try to imagine, in spite of all earthly wrongs,

our little angels are learning the words to the Angel's songs.

Amidst the children's laughter and their Heavenly play,

there's also more important work going on there today.

Jesus is building mansions, never taking time to sleep,

for Reunions are being planned, yes, even as we weep.

The children gather around Him and listen to Him speak,

for He has all the answers that they curiously seek.

He tells them for a time, in Heaven, they must wait,

and then they can greet us at Heaven's pearly gate.

Remembering Grieving Dads on Fathers Day

There's no doubt that the loss of a child has the same rippling effect of that when we throw a pebble into the pond.. but for the spot of impact when the pebble hits, the two people affected most by the loss are the parents - and then the siblings - grandparents and so on.. So today as Father's Day is celebrated, please reach out to all the dads and grandfathers who are grieving and missing their "angel babies"... from all of us we hope that all dads will find peace and joy in the memories of their children who have gone before them.... 

A DAD HURTS TOO

~  by Judi Walker

People don't always see the tears a dad cries,

His heart is broken too when his child dies.

He tries to hold it together and be strong,

Even though his world's gone wrong.

He holds his wife as her tears fall,

Comforts her through it all,

He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,

But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.

So when he's alone he lets out his pain,

And his tears come like falling rain,

His world has crashed in around him,

And a world that was once bright has gone dim.

He feels he has to be strong for others,

But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,

He searches for answers but none are to be found,

He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down.

He smiles through his tears,

He struggles and holds in his fears,

But what you see on the outside is not always real,

Men don't always show how they really feel.

So I'd like to ask a favor of you,

The next time you see a mother hurting

over the loss of her child,

please remember.....a Dad hurts too.

Men Do Cry - preparing for Fathers Day next week

Fathers Day is next Sunday, June 17th and for dads who are grieving, this holiday can be an especially difficult challenge...  For so many of us who grieve for our children, certain days - like Fathers Day, birthdays and memorial anniversaries can be Grief Triggers, and for dads who often work hard to hide their emotions, the pain can be almost unbearable.

Since the deaths of my own three children, it always saddens me to watch grieving dads struggle with their unwritten sense of pride and responsibility, watching as they try to hide or cover their pain, often feeling guilty for showing their emotions - afraid of appearing weak...  To me, tears and emotions are simply releases that allow us to survive this journey and I've always believed that all the tears we shed for our children are simply representative of our tremendous love for them and therefore OK...  I've received so many poems from parents and grandparents, for use on our blog for various events, but of all that I've received, this one seems the most appropriate as dads prepare themselves this week for the "Grief Trigger" that Fathers Day brings...

MEN DO CRY

~ by Ken Falk

I heard quite often "men don’t cry"

though no one ever told me why.

So when I fell and skinned a knee,

no one came by to comfort me.

And when some bully-boy at school

would pull a prank so mean and cruel,

I’d quickly learn to turn and quip,

"It doesn’t hurt," and bite my lip.

So as I grew to reasoned years,

I learned to stifle any tears.

Though "Be a big boy" it began,

quite soon I learned to "Be a man."

And I could play that stoic role

while storm and tempest wracked my soul.

No pain or setback could there be

could wrest one single tear from me.

Then one long night I stood nearby

and helplessly watched my son die.

And quickly found, to my surprise,

that all that tearless talk was lies.

And still I cry, and have no shame.

I cannot play that "big boy" game.

And openly, without remorse,

I let my sorrow takes its course.

So those of you who can’t abide

a man you’ve seen who’s often cried,

reach out to him with all your heart

as one whose life’s been torn apart.

For men DO cry when they can see

their loss of immortality.

And tears will come in endless streams

when mindless fate destroys their dreams.

Ken has been a member of the Northwest Connecticut Chapter of The Compassionate Friends

Memorial Day and Gold Star Moms....

~ by Cherie Houston

Yes today is Memorial Day… a day when we remember fallen soldiers, but I also like to ask you to remember all of their moms...I know that throughout the US, typically it is the last Sunday in September (not today) that our nation pays special tribute to all the brave and loving moms of our fallen heroes – Mom’s who have painfully earned the tile of Gold Star Moms… but I think they deserve our thanks every day...

Yes for Gold Star Moms, this additional title, is one they never wanted yet despite their prayers, and although it’s not September – I feel strongly that they are owed our loving thoughts and heart felt prayers as we remember the sacrifices they and their families have made, hearts broken and the lives of their children that were given..   I hope you will join me in prayer, that she find comfort and peace and know that what her child has given is remembered and they are honored by us all…

So as we salute the flag on this Memorial Day and remember our owned beloved children, say an extra prayer for all the moms who are worried sick about their children serving in the military as well as for those moms whose children gave the ultimate sacrifice – our Gold Star Moms - Thank you and my God be with you and your families…

And today I want to offer a special thank you to Gold Star Mom, Dorothy Schafenocker whose son Mike Schafernocker was a Crew Chief And Door Gunner On A UH 1 B Helicopter With The U. S. Navy "Seawolves" and actually wrote the following poem Wrote The following poem Just Before He Died on April 28^th, 1969 When His Chopper Was Shot Down Over Cambodia... Where He And His Pilot And Co-Pilot Were Actually Buried For 8 Months.  Mike was born Feb. 28^th, 1949..

Look God

~ by Mike Schafernocker

Look God, I Have Never Spoken To You
But Now I Want To Say "How Do You Do"
You See God, They Told Me You Did Not Exist
And, Like A Fool, I Believed All Of This

Last Night From A Shell Hole, I Saw Your Sky
I Figured Right Then, They Had Told Me A Lie
Had I Taken The Time, To See The Things You Made
I Would Know They Weren't Calling, A Spade A Spade

I Wonder, God, If You Would Shake My Hand
Somehow, I Feel, That You Will Understand
Strange, I Had To Come, To This Hellish Place
Before I Had Time To See Your Face

Well, I Guess There Isn't, Much More To Say
But I Am Glad, God, I Met You Today
I Guess The Zero Hour, Will Soon Be Here
But I Am Not Afraid, Since I Know You Are Near

The Signal - Well, God, I Will Have To Go
I Love You Lots', This I Want You To Know
Looks Like This Will Be A Horrible Fight
Who Knows, I May Come To Your House Tonight

Though I Wasn't Friendly With You Before
I Wonder, God If You Would Wait At The Door
Look I Am Crying, Me Shedding Tears!!
I Wish I Had Known You, These Many Years

Well, I Will Have To Go Now, God, Goodbye
Strange, Since I Met You I Am Not Afraid To Die
Shades Of Laughter... Shades Of Love
Circling All Of Us... With Arms Of Love

Don't Cry Momma... I Love You Still
I Always Have And I Always Will
When You Cross The Big Divide
I Promise... I'll Be The First One By Your Side!

Copyright © 1968-2012 
~ by Mike Schafernocker, Used With Permission Of Mike's Mom Dorothy

As we begin this Memorial Day Weekend - remembering those who are no longer with us, irregardless of their age or circumstances of how they left this world - is a national tradition. For those of us who are parents, who have lost precious children, we obviously don't need a certain day to this, we do it each and every day...   But as you remember - I hope that this poem will help to remind you that they are safe and we are so blessed to have them in our lives... Love and hugs to you and yours on this Memorial Day Weekend from our family to yours... Cherie Houston 

Parents

~ By Edgar A. Guest

"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he is dead.

It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty two or fifty three;
But will you, 'til I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his loving memories
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
In My search for teachers true,
And from all the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes I've selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,
Not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call
To take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done."
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay;

But should the angels call for him

Sooner than we've planned

We'll brave the bitter grief

That comes and try to understand."

To My Mother, Happy Mother’s Day

Thank you to Barbara Bentran from Newcastle, Wyoming for sending this poem to us for Mothers Day. She said she received this poem a few years ago from a co-worker of her husbands on Mother's Day in memory of their daughter "Cheyenne" who became an angel on Nov. 10th 2006 when she was 2 months old.

To My Mother, Happy Mother’s Day

 ~ by Dawn Mitchell 1998

I see you each time

you shed a tear

I catch it and kiss you

I hope you know that I'm near

This place is so beautiful

There's so much to see!

I know that someday

You'll be here with me.

The angels were singing

When I arrived!

Jesus was there

With His arms open wide!

The snow and the rain

Are just my confetti.

I know you'll be coming

And I want to be ready.

When you feel the wind

It's me walking by

I can run and skip now

I can even fly!

When the blossoms and leaves

Fall into your hair

It's me planting kisses

Yes, I put them there!

The birds are singing

To keep you company

They're especially for you

With love from me.

I know that you miss me

And feel so alone

Until the great day

When you finally come home

Please remember this mom

As seasons change from one to another

I'll always love you

You're my friend and my mother

Strength - You are Stronger than you think

STRENGTH

~by Tery Jago, Regina, Canada~

In the early days of my grief, 

a tear would well up in my eyes,

A lump would form in my throat, 

but you would not know………  I would hide it,

AND, I am STRONG!!

In the middle days of my grief, 

I would look ahead and see that wall

that I had attempted to go around 

as an ever-present reminder of a wall yet unscaled.

Yet I did not attempt to scale it for the strong will survive –

AND I am STRONG!!

In the later days of my grief, 

I learned to climb over that wall – step by step –

Remembering, crying, grieving.

And the tears flowed steadily as I painstakingly went over.

The way was long, but I did make it, 

For I am STRONG!

Near the resolution of my grief, 

a tear will well up in my eyes, 

a lump will form in my throat, 

but I will let that tear fall – and you will see it.

Through it you will see

that I still hurt and I still care.

For I am STRONG!

Love you from Heaven

LOVE YOU FROM HEAVEN

~ Author Unknown

As I sit in heaven

And watch you everyday

I try to let you know with signs

I never went away

I hear you when you’re laughing

And watch you as you sleep

I even place my arms around you

To calm you as you weep

I see you wish the days away

Begging to have me home

So I try to send you signs

So you know you are not alone

Don’t feel guilty that you have

Life that was denied to me

Heaven is truly beautiful

Just you wait and see

So live your life, laugh again

Enjoy yourself, be free

Then I know with every breath you take

You’ll be taking one for me…

Love you from heaven XOXO

Believe

~ by Betty Stevens

BELIEVE

Crocuses poke their heads through the crusty snow

To let us know the long, bleak winter is ending

And Spring will come again.

So, too, the long bleak winter of your

aching, breaking heart will end and

Spring will come again one day.

Be patient ~ but believe it~

Your Spring will come again.