OUR 3RD ANNUAL "A JOURNEY TO JOY" RETREAT "Spreading Their Love"

 Openings: We still have ten (10) spots opens for any mother who would like to join us for  our Annual Retreat Next Month - So Please Join Us..

• When: Friday, Feb 26th at 3pm until Sunday, Feb. 28th at 12N
• Where: Stagecoach Trails Guest Ranch, 19985 S. Doc Holiday Rd, Yucca, AZ 86438 www.stgr.com
• Cost: $175.00 for weekend, which includes 2 nights lodging, meals and all materials
• Balance: Must be paid in full no later than Jan. 28, 2010 
• Checks: Please make checks payable to: "A Journey to JOY," and mailed to:

"A Journey to JOY"

Attn.: Debbie

P.O. Box 980, LHC, AZ 86405

Questions: please contact Joyce Floyd @ (928) 453-7940 or texaslady@rraz.net

We all agree this is a great spot for rest & relaxation, but we chose this wonderful spot for our annual retreat, not as a spa weekend, but a special place of healing for moms wanting to partake in all that is offered to help them on their special journey to joy.. We are grateful that each and every mom participating in this weekend agrees to take part in all the events planned, including the presentation by our special guest Carla Blowey and the Candlelight Ceremony, so that together we can continue on our journey....

Our Special Guest, Carla Blowey, has been dreaming for over forty years. At age 33, she entered the most challenging time of her life when the death of her five-year-old son, Kevin, and the nightmare that predicted it, forced her to reexamine her perceptions about grief, death and the afterlife. Dreaming Kevin became a valuable tool for healing those misperceptions and reclaiming her life. In the midst of changing diapers, facilitating bereavement support groups, and teaching her oldest daughter to drive, she answered the call to write Dreaming Kevin. Carla lives in Colorado with her husband, their two youngest children, and their golden retriever.  Vist her website: http://www.dreamingkevin.com/

From Healing After Loss

~ by Martha Whitmore Hickman

And time remembered is grief forgotten,
And frosts are slain and flowers begotten.
And in green underwood and cover
Blossom by blossom the spring begins.
 ~ Algemon Charles Swinburne

Though we can scarcely believe it when our grief is new, there will come a time when what we remember will not be the so-sorrowful occasion of death, but the rich and happy times in the life of our beloved one.

It won’t happen all at once, any more than winter passes in one glorious sunny day that takes away all the cold and melts the snow. But one day, just as crocuses and daffodils appear one at a time as solitary harbingers of spring, we will find ourselves smiling (laughing, even!) as we remember our loved one. The lift of that memory is, for a while at least, far removed from the overriding sadness we’ve known. “Blossom by blossom,” memory by memory, the springtime returns.

Somewhere in the midst of my grief is the confidence that spring will come again.

How to Use Our Blog

~ Cherie Houston (hope this will help you save what you see on the blog)

How do I use a BLOG?? this recent question from a mother is one we are sure many of you may be asking..

All BLOGS are intended to be "informational" just like any newsletter you might receive. But in addition to reading the "posts-otherwise called articles" that we publish on our BLOG, you can also copy any of the "post/articles" and save them to your word processing files so you can then print them and you can comment on what we've said in a specific "post/article" - The how to's are noted below..

• To copy a post/article to be able to change the size and/or print: highlight any portion of the post/article - activate the paste command, now open or go to your word processing program and on a clean piece of paper - activate the paste command. What you had highlighted will now be n the page and you can change the font size and style and note - that you might want to change the color of the entire post/article to BLACK because most blogs use a light gray print (even though it may look black)... Once it is the way you want it, you can go to File, Save As, Open or Create the specific folder you want it saved in - remember to give it a name that will make it easy for you to find in the future.. and you can now print it...
• To comment on a "post/article" that has been written - note that beneath each "post/article", you will see the word comment - and when you left on the phrase "comment" it will take you to a dialog box, so you can type your comments about the "post" article that you have just read...

"It is Better to Have Loved and Lost Than......"

“It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” This quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27 written in 1850 is something most of us  have heard and no doubt we would agree with them.  And most of us agree that love is never broken – not even by death. It's sad then that some people feel that if they are happy – if they laugh or smile – after a loss of someone they loved, that they are somehow betraying their loved one.  Instead - believe that the best way to honor someone, especially those we love, is to live a good life – to laugh & smile, to love, and to do whatever possible to make the world a better place.

No doubt we will have difficult days, and of course we all wish that things could have been different? And yes we all agree that life isn’t fair, but isn't it still a wonderful life?  After all, how blessed were we to have this child in our lives ~ from the moment we knew we were expecting ~ he or she was our child, no matter how short the time ~ of yes, we were so lucky and so blessed.  Now, we all must do our best to move thru the pain so that we will not stay stuck in it. Tomorrow will always be better and we must remember that we can't deny our feelings for if we do, they may subside for a time, but they will return with a vengeance at some other time.

The pain and heartbreak we feel with the loss of our child is inevitable and often overwhelming, but suffering is optional – it’s a choice we make.. As we continue on this journey and move thru and out of the darkness, we can see the light of joy and happiness and learn to smile often and enjoy life. No doubt, if we had the chance to speak to our children and ask for their advice, they would tell us for sure that they are happier and more at peace than they’ve ever been before. I would also trust that they would encourage us to be happy ~ to enjoy our precious time here and to try not to waste time suffering in sorrow… Our greatest gift to our children and to ourselves is to find peace and happiness and to live a good life.

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 3 of 3

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 3 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy
The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 2 of 3

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 2 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

AM I GOING CRAZY - Part 1 of 3

During our grief journey, there are times when we wonder if we are "going crazy" - About 6 weeks after our son Bobby died this past September 19th, 2009, when I was convinced that not only was I going crazy but that I wouldn't survive the loss, I  happened on this article which I want to share with you - it has become a favorite during those times when the pain seems overwhelming -  I know it's so important that we remember that we're "not going crazy" we are simply on a journey, a journey from mourning to joy..Cherie Houston

AM I GOING CRAZY? Part 1 of 3
By Russell Friedman and John W. James @ legacy.com “Grief Recovery Handbook”

For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.

LETTER TO MOM

 ~ by Joy Curnutt

Mom, please don’t feel guilty

It was just my time to go.

I see you are still feeling sad,

And the tears just seem to flow.

We all come to earth for our lifetime,

And for some it’s not many years

I don’t want you to keep crying

You are shedding so many tears.

I haven’t really left you

Even though it may seem so.

I have just gone to my heavenly home,

And I’m closer than you know.

Just believe that when you say my name

I’m standing next to you,

I know you long to see me,

But there’s nothing I can do.

But I’ll still send you messages

And hope you understand,

That when your time comes to “cross over,”

I’ll be there to take your hand

Thoughts on Winter

~ TCF Chapter, Palo Alto, California

January, February, so cold, so crisp, so leafless. Beginning a NEW year, and a NEW beginning. You never lived in this year and that is new. Sometimes new is painful. January is also the month of resolutions and the only resolution we must make is that we must learn to live without our child. What a profound sadness that is! To love them so deeply, so passionately, so completely, only to have us part.

My child, did I ever tell you enough how much I loved you? I’ve wondered. Do we tell those we love how very much their life has meant to us? Probably we do not. Somehow we arrogantly believe that time goes on forever. It does. It’s just that people do not. We fail to recognize how entirely too brief some lives can be. You were not supposed to die. Death is reserved for others. How could you disappoint me? Didn’t you know that I had such plans for you? I didn’t want to face my own mortality. How cruel life was, using you to prove to me that we do indeed come to an end.

I don’t want to accept your death, but what choice have I left? Oh, I’ll mend, although mending sometimes means forgetting. I cannot put you aside, but already memories of you are fading. You know what I like best. When I’m given little tidbits of your life by those who knew you. What a bittersweet delight. Each piece of my jigsaw puzzle will eventually fit together. You will be the only missing piece. ~Dorothy Worrell, TCF, Palo Alto, CA

RESOLUTIONS FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

• I will enter the New Year with Hope
• I will let myself cry
• I will tell those I care about that I love them
• I will remember and let the memories provide smiles
• I will share my child with others
• I will watch more sunsets and listen to more bullfrogs
• I will hold onto my faith
• I will take time to reflect on my child’s short, but precious life
• I will eat chocolate
• I will not bury my grief
• I will take time for others
• I will take time for myself
• I will be kind to myself
• I will hold my head high, knowing that I am the parent of a very important and special child or children
• I will find value in life and cherish it, thus honoring my child and all that he/she fought for