Fathers Day can be difficult for grieving dads & grand dads

~ by Cherie Houston

I received an update a few days ago from "Kelly Farley" about his new book coming out this month "Grieving Dads:  To the Brink and Back"  ..  Kelly is a wonderful dad, a dad who has lost both of his children (Noah in 2006 and Katie in 2004) and since that time has committed himself to helping other dads on their grief journey...  As I read Kelly's update and then the post on his blog, I was reminded that with the arrival of June, comes the impending Fathers Day Holiday.  Fathers Day, for many dads like Kelly, can be a major grief trigger and just as overwhelming as Mothers Day is for all of us moms who have had a child or children die...

No matter what, each and every parent must know and remember that once we are moms and dads, we are always moms & dads...even when our children are in heaven!!

As moms, we certainly know all about the feelings that come with our child’s death – but it shouldn’t be any surprise then that dads are feeling those same feelings but many dads truly feel responsible for not having kept their child safe and they assume so much more responsibility and blame. Our society has put an undue burden on dads, making them feel as though they are responsible for protecting their family – for protecting them and keeping them safe.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always possible.

So many times, dads get so angry with themselves after the death of their child or children and that anger often turns inward creating crippling burdens of depression. To make matters worse so many dads have to “rush” right back to work – after all the bills don’t stop coming in, the mortgage and utilities still need to be paid …  often for many dads they dive back into their work “head first” because it is something they feel they can control, whereas they weren’t able to control and avoid the death of their child… So many of us are so blinded by our own grief, that it can be easy to miss the grief that our children’s fathers and siblings are also experiencing…It’s not intentional, but it’s important that we remind them that blaming or punishing themselves only adds more pain for everyone and it will not replace our beloved children.. We can’t protect our children from everything – life doesn’t happen that way..

So as Father’s Day approaches, remember that the “dads and grand dads” who are grieving the loss of a child, are impacted just as much by these specials days, every bit as much as we, the moms, are – although most men don’t show it.. Share the day with them, remind them what a wonderful dad they were – even if it was for the short time during a pregnancy, or for those few days weeks or months of a baby’s life or for those who were blessed to have helped raise the child to adulthood…  Reassure them that they are not to blame – that you still love them more than ever, and that our children are safe in the hands of God until we see them again…


Personally I've already pre-ordered several of Kelly's books for friends and family who, like us,  have experienced the death of a child or children.. if you would like more information about Kelly, his blog or his book.. I would encourage your to visit his website, which is always listed on our list of websites, and here:


http://www.grievingdads.com/home-page/

The first years of this grief journey...

The death of a child - a child at any age - is such a traumatic, life-altering experience.   At first, you can't even comprehend the facts, no matter how hard you try to absorb them - your heart isn't ready...  It's not denial, because in those initial hours, days and weeks, denial isn't even possible yet because you truly can't comprehend what has and is happening around you.....  


In the days, weeks and months to follow, ever so slowly you allow yourself to relive those initial moments over and over again - each time allowing yourself to "stay in those initial moments - just a little longer"..  Initially it's as though we are dreaming and if we can just dream a little longer we can change the outcome...  With time, we stay there a little longer trying to absorb our surroundings and what we are hearing - eventually we stay there as long as we do, not wanting to let go - for fear if we accept what we are being told - we will begin to let go of them and all that they were to us...  I think all of these moments are simply a way of our brain "bracing us" for the horrible truth & facts, yes our brain fortunately will only allow it in, in very small doses, bits and pieces at a time..  


The first year after my 3 children died I think we are always preparing for the next "first" very much like a new parent - only these firsts are all so frightening...  Those "first" holidays - birthdays, anniversaries, milestones.. And then of course all the every day things that can knock the wind out of us as though we've been punched! The pictures, songs, foods, smells, opening of closets & bureau drawers or even the door to their room or home, all of the simplest of things that we will eventually recognize and call "grief triggers" - those things that can catapult us without any warning back into the depths of that black hole...  Finally, just as we begin to prepare ourselves for the first anniversary of our child going home to heaven, to earning their wings, yes, it's 365 days later and so many of us have this misconception that we will finally begin to feel just a little better, and then we realize - we won't..  Not yet - we still have a long way to go on the journey..

Although we will feel different as we move forward on the journey, because thankfully the depths of our grief will never return to those initial dark hours, days, weeks and months...  But understand, that grief is a journey and the first year is simply the worst and most frightening part of the journey...  But as time goes on, accept that this journey will continue.  Differently of course, but it does continue...  

Many moms who've traveled this journey before will softly warn "newly bereaved moms" not to be surprised if the second and third year of grief are actually more intense in a different way,  than that first year. It is different - because again remember when we look back on that first year it so often feels like a bad dream, a total foggy blur..  Even for moms and dads who returned to work soon after, when they look back later - most remember very little about that first year - our brains never allow us to relive excruciating pain of any kind - and the heartbreak of losing a child is the most excruciating pain we will ever endure... Furthermore, we can't imagine how we made it through, but we did!! 

In the second and subsequent years, the reality really sets in with a piercing, almost "stop your breath" intensity. Be prepared - this is normal - no you aren't going crazy - your heart is continuing to heal, it just takes time..  This pain of grief is simply the price we pay for loving our children as much as we do...  


Continue to be patient, loving and gentle with yourself as you stay the course and continue on your unique journey - it is a journey from mourning to joy and yes, eventually you will find peace and joy and a new normal that works for you....  In the meantime, know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of all your sisters in grief..  ~ Cherie Houston

Memorial Day and Gold Star Moms....

~ by Cherie Houston

Yes today is Memorial Day… a day when we remember fallen soldiers, but I also like to ask you to remember all of their moms...I know that throughout the US, typically it is the last Sunday in September (not today) that our nation pays special tribute to all the brave and loving moms of our fallen heroes – Mom’s who have painfully earned the tile of Gold Star Moms… but I think they deserve our thanks every day...

Yes for Gold Star Moms, this additional title, is one they never wanted yet despite their prayers, and although it’s not September – I feel strongly that they are owed our loving thoughts and heart felt prayers as we remember the sacrifices they and their families have made, hearts broken and the lives of their children that were given..   I hope you will join me in prayer, that she find comfort and peace and know that what her child has given is remembered and they are honored by us all…

So as we salute the flag on this Memorial Day and remember our owned beloved children, say an extra prayer for all the moms who are worried sick about their children serving in the military as well as for those moms whose children gave the ultimate sacrifice – our Gold Star Moms - Thank you and my God be with you and your families…

And today I want to offer a special thank you to Gold Star Mom, Dorothy Schafenocker whose son Mike Schafernocker was a Crew Chief And Door Gunner On A UH 1 B Helicopter With The U. S. Navy "Seawolves" and actually wrote the following poem Wrote The following poem Just Before He Died on April 28^th, 1969 When His Chopper Was Shot Down Over Cambodia... Where He And His Pilot And Co-Pilot Were Actually Buried For 8 Months.  Mike was born Feb. 28^th, 1949..

Look God

~ by Mike Schafernocker

Look God, I Have Never Spoken To You
But Now I Want To Say "How Do You Do"
You See God, They Told Me You Did Not Exist
And, Like A Fool, I Believed All Of This

Last Night From A Shell Hole, I Saw Your Sky
I Figured Right Then, They Had Told Me A Lie
Had I Taken The Time, To See The Things You Made
I Would Know They Weren't Calling, A Spade A Spade

I Wonder, God, If You Would Shake My Hand
Somehow, I Feel, That You Will Understand
Strange, I Had To Come, To This Hellish Place
Before I Had Time To See Your Face

Well, I Guess There Isn't, Much More To Say
But I Am Glad, God, I Met You Today
I Guess The Zero Hour, Will Soon Be Here
But I Am Not Afraid, Since I Know You Are Near

The Signal - Well, God, I Will Have To Go
I Love You Lots', This I Want You To Know
Looks Like This Will Be A Horrible Fight
Who Knows, I May Come To Your House Tonight

Though I Wasn't Friendly With You Before
I Wonder, God If You Would Wait At The Door
Look I Am Crying, Me Shedding Tears!!
I Wish I Had Known You, These Many Years

Well, I Will Have To Go Now, God, Goodbye
Strange, Since I Met You I Am Not Afraid To Die
Shades Of Laughter... Shades Of Love
Circling All Of Us... With Arms Of Love

Don't Cry Momma... I Love You Still
I Always Have And I Always Will
When You Cross The Big Divide
I Promise... I'll Be The First One By Your Side!

Copyright © 1968-2012 
~ by Mike Schafernocker, Used With Permission Of Mike's Mom Dorothy

As we begin this Memorial Day Weekend - remembering those who are no longer with us, irregardless of their age or circumstances of how they left this world - is a national tradition. For those of us who are parents, who have lost precious children, we obviously don't need a certain day to this, we do it each and every day...   But as you remember - I hope that this poem will help to remind you that they are safe and we are so blessed to have them in our lives... Love and hugs to you and yours on this Memorial Day Weekend from our family to yours... Cherie Houston 

Parents

~ By Edgar A. Guest

"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he is dead.

It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty two or fifty three;
But will you, 'til I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his loving memories
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over
In My search for teachers true,
And from all the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes I've selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,
Not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call
To take him back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done."
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay;

But should the angels call for him

Sooner than we've planned

We'll brave the bitter grief

That comes and try to understand."

A Bend in the Road

~ Author Unknown

“In the book “A Bend in the Road,” David Jeremiah writes “When you’ve walked through the fire, people begin to listen to you.  When you have wisdom borne of suffering you begin to have the tools to accomplish something in the world.” 

I saw this first hand when a friend of my husband lost his two year old son.  He could not wait to talk to my husband.  He searched Don out at the funeral and could not get to my husband fast enough.

He grabbed Don and broke down in his arms.  I think just Don’s presence comforted him.  When he asked Don how he was going to go on, Don told him there was only one way. He listened while Don explained to him about the love of God and how HE has carried us through our own trial. I believe the death of our children has given us a freedom to speak to others about our faith and they also tend to listen to us in a more expecting way.  We have been through the fire.  We have the opportunity and the responsibility to reach out and comfort others..  

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, there have been gifts given me from my child.  Gifts like NO other.  Little nuggets of truth, of heroism, of the purest love I have ever known.  Purified by fire, I guess. LIKE GOLD. 

There is NO gold purer or more precious than this….and yet sometimes it is so bright that it burns our inner eyes and brings tears and pain to the body and soul.  Bright as the sun it emits a power that can heal us and also burn us…yet we hold it tightly in our hearts.

We who have this gold…..are blessed….and cursed….the love, the gifts, the loss, the pain, and yet there is no power in heaven or on earth that can take it away from us….nor would we let them.

Today I’m encouraging those of you who can…..to make your grief into a GOLDEN FIRE……to reach out and embrace another who is hurting.  In the reaching out to another, your own HEALING will and CAN begin.

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”   ………Louis L’Armour

Death of a Child: ‘Unfinished Motherhood’

Thanks to Paula Sutton from Schenectady, New York for sending this to us to share on our blog – Paula is Grandma to her baby angel “Suzanne” who, at 4 months, went home to heaven last April 2011..  And she continually reminds her daughter, Daria, that yes – she is still and always will be a mom…

Death of a Child: ‘Unfinished Motherhood’

~ By Clara Hinton

When a child dies, a mother goes through a difficult time of emotional turmoil and questioning. “Am I still a mother?” “Does my child still have a birthday each year, or does time stand still?” “Can the mother/child relationship continue to grow, or am I now an ‘unfinished mother’?”

Losing a child often places a mother on a road that begins a lonelier journey than ever expected-one that can never really be explained. There was a beginning, but with the death of the child, there is no middle and no end. Everything seems so unfinished. Hopes and dreams were stopped far too soon. Joy was snatched away so suddenly. A mother is left with empty arms and an empty heart. Nothing can ever be complete when a child’s life ends.

When the death of a child occurs, a mother may suddenly feel inadequate and incomplete. She wears a new name. She may feel an “unfinished mother,” never being able to see the rest of the picture. She will never be able to watch her child mature into a young adult. She will never be able to see all the pieces fit together. The picture will always have part of the scenery missing. It is so painful to be an unfinished mother! Child loss makes everything seem so empty and incomplete.

There will come a critical point in this journey of grief when a mother must reach deep into her inner resources and make a conscious decision to accept herself just as she is-a mother whose heart has been touched by the pain and grief of child-loss. Only then can she start to put together some of the broken pieces and begin to feel like there will be a day when she will feel more like a complete mother than an unfinished mother.

A mother is never “unfinished.” No matter how brief her time was with her child, the bond of love between mother and child was complete. A mother’s love for her child is unending. Dreams may shatter and circumstances may change, but a mother’s love remains strong. As a mother travels the path to healing, it is important for her to remind herself often that she is a mother forever. Her motherhood did not stop when her child died.

This understanding of motherhood releases the feelings of guilt and failure and allows a mother to begin to see herself as a whole person again-a complete mother.

A mother is never an “unfinished mother.” A mother’s love runs far too deep for that! 

Grandparents - So often forgotten

Thank you to Shana McLaughlin from Louisiana who is a grandmother of 2 angel grandbabies – Lilly who was only 6 when she died in an auto accident in 1991 and Jeremy was only 31, a young father of 3 year old twins, when he took his own life in November 2011.  Shana was given this shortly after Jeremy died and hopes that it will help another grandparent the way it has helped her and her husband.  I totally agree that grandparents, like siblings can often be forgotten when a child in the family dies, so many thanks for sharing…  Cherie Houston 

Forgotten Grief:

Grandparents are often forgotten because attention and grief are focused on the parents of the child. Grandparents grieving the loss of a grandchild feel a double-edged kind of pain. They feel the pain of not being able to make things better for their own child coupled with the pain of losing a family member. Grief can be complicated, and a grandparent may not feel as if they are allowed to grieve openly.
It's vital that grandparents allow themselves the opportunity to grieve - even if it has to be privately - to allow themselves to process the loss. Take the time and process the loss while focusing on yourself. You're not going to be any help to anyone if you don't allow yourself the opportunity to grieve. And remember, there is no timetable on grief and everyone grieves differently.
Whether your grandchild dies from an infection, is stillborn or a miscarriage, SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death of a Child), cancer, an accident, took their own life o some other tragedy - the end result is the same: grief, questions, pain, emptiness, and often guilt – and the feeling of a limb being missing, because, well, it is missing.

Survivor's Guilt:

No one ever expects to outlive their own children. It's unnatural to bury a child. As a grandparent, you may feel full of guilt, remorse, and misplaced anger because you have survived while your grandchild has not.
Often, grandparents wish they could change places with the child who has died.
Grandparents may feel haunted by unanswerable questions: "Why didn't I spend more time with the child?" "Why am I alive while my grandchild is dead?"
Grief-stricken grandparents must learn to live their lives but always be haunted by the might-have-beens.
While these feelings come along with the new normal, each day can also bring hope and healing to the bereaved grandparent and their child.

Ways to Process this Tragedy:

·         Don't feel like you have always to be the strong one. It's perfectly fine for you to be sad and show that you're sad.

·         Go through the grief process. It's essential that you process this grief in order to be able to hold up your child.

·         Talk about the grandchild. Remember that you're not going to remind your child of the child they lost. They want you to talk about them. They want people to remember that they existed.

·         Remember that watching your child grieve and long for their child is going to be hard. Your remembering the birthdays and anniversaries of the child's death is going to help them heal over time. And by helping them heal, you will begin to heal. You want to fix them, but since you can't, helping them move through their life without their child is the next best thing.

·         Listen to your child. You cannot heal the pain they're going through, but you can be a shoulder to lean on, someone to wipe their eyes. It may be hard to hear their complicated grief, but they will need you.

Another tribute for all you moms...

I know it's the day after Mother's Day - but now that the anticipation is over - and we've made it through this difficult holiday, I have one more tribute to each and everyone of you...

Personally I've always believed that this was written by all of our angel children in heaven as a thank you to each of us "their moms for mother's day" who wanted to be sure they covered each and every aspect of what we were to them, as we continue on our journey without them (physically) - but no doubt they will always be beside us and in our hearts... with love & hugs as you tearfully enjoy this tribute to YOU - your child's mom...  Cherie Houston

FOR ALL YOU MOMS OUT THERE!

This is for all the Mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and Kool-Aid saying, “It’s OK honey, Mommy’s here.”

Who walk around the house all night with their babies when they keep crying and won’t stop.

This is for all the Mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the Mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.

And for all the Mothers who DON’T.

This is for the Mothers who gave birth to babies they will never see.

And the Mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. 

This is for all the Mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at football or soccer games Friday night instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, “Did you see me?”  they could say, “Of  course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and mean it.

This for all the Mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet like a tired 2-year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up.  RIGHT AWAY!

This is for Mothers whose children have gone astray,  and who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the Mothers who bite their lips……. sometimes until they bleed - when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

What makes a good Mother anyway?

Is it Patience?

This is for all the Mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.

And for all the Mothers who wanted to…….but just couldn’t.

For all the Mothers who read “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year. And then read it again, “Just one more time.”

This if for all the Mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school.

And for all the Mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the Mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for all Mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls “MOM?” in a crowd, even though they know their own children are at home.

This is for all the Mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up.  RIGHT AWAY!

This is for Mothers whose children have gone astray,  and who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the Mothers who bite their lips……. sometimes until they bleed - when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

What makes a good Mother anyway?

Is it Patience?

Is it Compassion?

Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it  heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

OR the jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, or a child dying?

For all the Mothers of the survivors, and the Mothers who sat in front of their TV’s  in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for Mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on the children’s graves.

This is for young Mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature Mothers learning to ‘Let Go.’

For Mothers-To-Be

For working Mothers…..

For stay-at-home Mothers……..

For Single Mothers

and  for married Mothers…….

Mothers with money, 

Mothers without…………

For Mothers who grieve for their children have gone before them……

And for all the mothers of the world… This is for each one of us……as we travel this journey….. Together…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

To My Mother, Happy Mother’s Day

Thank you to Barbara Bentran from Newcastle, Wyoming for sending this poem to us for Mothers Day. She said she received this poem a few years ago from a co-worker of her husbands on Mother's Day in memory of their daughter "Cheyenne" who became an angel on Nov. 10th 2006 when she was 2 months old.

To My Mother, Happy Mother’s Day

 ~ by Dawn Mitchell 1998

I see you each time

you shed a tear

I catch it and kiss you

I hope you know that I'm near

This place is so beautiful

There's so much to see!

I know that someday

You'll be here with me.

The angels were singing

When I arrived!

Jesus was there

With His arms open wide!

The snow and the rain

Are just my confetti.

I know you'll be coming

And I want to be ready.

When you feel the wind

It's me walking by

I can run and skip now

I can even fly!

When the blossoms and leaves

Fall into your hair

It's me planting kisses

Yes, I put them there!

The birds are singing

To keep you company

They're especially for you

With love from me.

I know that you miss me

And feel so alone

Until the great day

When you finally come home

Please remember this mom

As seasons change from one to another

I'll always love you

You're my friend and my mother

Can we ever "Move Forward" after our child dies?

Did you know that it is estimated that each year in the United States one million parents will lose a child? 


I just heard this statistic when Jeannete Sevard, from Taos, New Mexico sent me this story she received to pass on to her niece who just recently lost a young child of only 5 yrs.…  Jeannete said when she was recently searching the internet for more information she might be able to use to help her niece who is still almost inconsolable when she came across our blog.  Jeannete hoped we might be able to share this with our moms in time for mother’s day, and yes I am able to do that – so thank you Jeannete and our thoughts and prayers are with your niece and your families, but with an aunt like you for support, I’m confident she will find her way on this journey to joy again..  Cherie Houston

 

“Moving Forward” After the Death of a Child ~ by Maria Malin

I’ve often wondered what the recipe included when mothers were created. Part superhero, part superhuman, “moms” surely have many ingredients: one wrist that can test the temperature of baby formula, three measures of skinned knee fixability, two cups of tear catching, zero sick days, little nightly sleep, a dash of fever-gauging with a kiss on the forehead, many heaping tablespoons of patience, endless pickups, drop-offs, and grocery lists, and several thousand sack lunches and dinners. Topped with the wave of one giant problem-solving wand sprinkled with magic glitter from up above, a mom is born. Mothers have strength beyond muscle, wisdom beyond intellect, magic beyond wands.

Until a mother loses a child.

I wasn’t superhuman or a superhero on April 19, 2003, when my 11-year-old son Steven Brian Malin, Jr., was struck and killed by a cross train down the block from our home in Lake Forest, Illinois. Our only son, wedged between two dancing, soccer-playing sisters, was simply walking back from a quick chicken nugget Happy Meal at our local McDonald’s when I never saw him alive again. I couldn’t fix the biggest tragedy of our lives with a band-aid and a kiss. I didn’t have an ounce of magic to change the fate of our child and our family that ominously windy spring afternoon. I was a mother who lived by the tried-and-true recipe for what a mother should be, and completely crumbled in a matter of moments. A million pieces of confused, furious, crumbled nothingness.

Superhero? Super zero.

There are absolutely no words to describe the black abyss you fall into when your child dies. The hole has no bottom; the descent has no final destination. Life goes from busy and noisy with the demands of a full family to the silence of a world entrenched in death. You want to rise back up to the light, past the whispered condolences, the endless “I’m sorry’s”—back to “normal.” The only problem is that life has no “normal” after you lose a child.

The four of us initially moved like zombies, no longer “living life” but “living death.” We found it impossible to inexplicably have Steven “erased” from our lives, somehow deal with the permanence, and move on. Grief books told me that our family would get over these horrendous, anxiety-ridden feelings. I didn’t want to get over death. I wanted death to go away. I prayed about it. I journaled about it. I just didn’t believe that following the rules of death would bring us back to “life” again.

When we finally got through the shock stage and ventured back out in our everyday world, we’d run into little reminders of Steven’s life. His favorite number at the deli counter. His favorite commercial on TV. A favorite story shared by a classmate. What might be painful encounters for many actually felt like little “hellos” to us. For our daughters, it was a refocus on the funny, active brother with whom they wanted to stay connected, and further away from the details of the accident, which physically stripped him from our lives.

The more we looked for signs and symbols of Steven’s life, the more that came our way. Instead of spending our days in bed under the covers, we found ourselves out looking for hope and a continued connection to our little boy. It would’ve been easier to say good-bye and let go of his place in our lives. Instead, we worked hard to find healthy, well-adjusted ways to keep him close.

Some of the “signs” we’ve received over the past seven years have been quite impressive, and we acknowledge them as confirmation that Steven, our little guardian angel, is watching over us. Rainbows at the most unlikely of times. A double heart in the snow with no footprints around it. Getting on a flight last-minute and being assigned row 13, Steven’s favorite number.

We started to call our steps toward hope and healing, “moving forward but hanging on.” Going on without our little boy cheated us all. Moving forward with him still spiritually and symbolically close was the true answer for our family. Following this path led us in a new direction on the road of grief, one in which our daughters are thriving, and we are “living life” again ourselves, not “living death.”

Four years ago, I began writing the story of our journey back to light and life after the darkest days we ever knew. It is not a tale of magic wands that can bring back our loved ones or how moms can turn tragedy into triumph with a kiss on the forehead. It is, however, the truth of what good can happen when you decide that you love someone so much, you just can’t say good-bye. I feel that it’s especially true when the “someone” you’ve lost is your child.

Please visit Maria's website www.movingforwardhangingon.com which will also give you the change to order her book of hope entitled, “When You Just Can’t Say Good-bye, Don’t – A Mother’s Personal Journey After Losing a Child”